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Passions in Poetry

A crummy word for a wretched disease?

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serenity blaze
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0 posted 10-22-2006 02:52 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Depression

As some of you all may know by now, I'm a huge fan of a local columnist, Chris Rose. His exploits during and after Katrina kept me more than entertained--some days he was what kept me going. He was my hero. Smart, funny, a real "trouper" with a sarcastic slant to his viewpoints on life that seemed, well, familiar to me.

Then one day, I noticed his columns had diminished, and then they stopped altogether.

I gotta tell ya too, at first I gave myself credit for being better at reading tone through text because I actually wrote him, saying, "I am a fan and I am worried about you." But no. Lots of people noticed. Lots of people wrote him. He wrote them back.

He wrote me back, too! The only thing he said about himself was that he was fine. The rest was all very diversionary chit chat, something else that felt very familiar to me too.

Today's paper contained the explanation for his missing columns--my buddy, my hero, had fallen into that pit--the same emotional hole he had termed "the dark creepies" in a very sad column I had referred you all to a while back.

I've told some of you privately via IM and e mail that there is a different aura in New Orleans now. People are cautious of one another. I say that we look deeper into each other's eyes now, looking for signs that "somebody is home". Because I can give a grand-slam list of evidence of people who have "snapped"--people who should have gotten help and might have, if depression didn't have the reputation of being an embarrassing "weakness".

(Just two weeks ago, I started throwing dirty dishes out of my back door too--tsk--unacceptable behavior Karen. Mad at me.)

But I wanted to share all of this with you because Chris Rose, as he always has, writes it better than me.

So if you are suffering from depression, or have, you might be interesting in hearing one man's story. A man who once thought depression was for wimps. A man who thought he could think his way through anything.

Chris Rose got help, and I'm so glad he did.

I had missed him.

Here's the link to his story:
http://www.nola.com/news/t-p/frontpage/index2.ssf?/base/living-0/116149796856910.xm l&coll=1


I am still smiling at the part where he confides that his psychiatrist chided him about the message on Mr. Rose's answering machine--saying that it wasn't funny. "I can't come to the phone right now because I am emotionally unavailable." Heh. C'mon doc, it was kinda funny--but it's my experience that psychologists and psychiatrists are not fans of self-deprecating humor. heh?

Well--no.

Because on second thought--it's really not funny. Living with someone who is actually emotionally unavailable is pure hell.


And before anyone asks, I too, am finally getting help. My process may be a little slower because well, despite the hairs on my chinny chin chin, I am a woman, and my condition is little more complicated as a result. (translation: menopause) I'm also one of those folks who can't take tricyclids, but YES RON--I am getting professional help, and as luck would have it, or call it divine intervention, he also happens to be an addictions specialist.

I'm doing this because I woke one day and realized I missed me. That, and I was afraid that I might snap too, and instead of just hurting myself, I might hurt someone else.

If there is anyone reading this who is nodding their head in understanding, big hugs to you too.

Forgive my rambling--love to all.

Martie
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1 posted 10-22-2006 04:48 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

I've been there Karen...hugging you!

Up the Down Ladder

Beneath the palest part of me
I dredge the damp
feeling a lodging in my soul
let go
let go
this searing is begot by moon
and turned now too soon
to dark
too lank

I feel like moss
what color are my curls now
in weight of world  pouring flood all drown
or dry as drought turns skin around
to lust for storm and song of wind again

I am further and least all in between the lines of me
and where to find the most or best
when rest is cloaked with dreams that dread
and purple fizzles in me with my red

I must be cure and fast anoint my feet slip yes
into each joint and squeak so filled in memory
of ballerina danced at ten and three

Hazel daze of drain I pull the plug on frown
and wait to see what stars come out in black
or piece of moon though incomplete to fill me
with the ladder climbing up this stack of down

Love you lady!
Mysteria
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2 posted 10-23-2006 12:01 AM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

Oh man!   I love that guy and of course, I love you too.
Balladeer
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3 posted 10-23-2006 12:05 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

For anyone who has not read One  Dead in Attic, you are missing one of the great books of out time.

That book will tell you everything you need to know about New Orleans after the hurricane.
iliana
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4 posted 10-23-2006 04:19 AM       View Profile for iliana   Email iliana   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for iliana

Ser...just *hugs*.......jojo
nakdthoughts
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5 posted 10-23-2006 06:25 AM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

been there...worked my way out of it...and I am glad you are getting the help you need, Karen.

I still have a few "phobias" I have to work through (like not picking up my own mail, and sleeping with the tv on etc.) but nothing I can't handle in the meantime...and luckily I no longer need any medication.

It also helps to have friends to push you out that door.


M
serenity blaze
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6 posted 10-23-2006 02:58 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Smiling here at ya mo--

phobias...

Part of the problem all along was I have a phobia of DOCTORS.

I once went ten months with an exposed nerve from a broken tooth.

My husband finally got angry with me--pulled up into one of those little strip malls and pointed to the dentistry sign and said,

"There. He looks like a good doctor." Then he put the car in park and said, "But you have to bring your mouth in there!"

*wince and grin*?
hunnie_girl
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7 posted 10-24-2006 12:50 AM       View Profile for hunnie_girl   Email hunnie_girl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for hunnie_girl

i can relate to this, unfortunatly, i understand where everyone is coming from... and always you are wondering when can i be me again... when can i go back to the life i loved, when could i laugh a full deep down laugh b/c i'm happy not because it was a funny joke or someone made a fool of themselves, or wondering what is going to happen next how will i take it from here it's always thoughts like that that keep you depressed... climb to the top of the ladder and down the other side thats when you know you are over it...
best wishes,
Krysti.

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace   ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~

Larry C
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8 posted 10-24-2006 01:49 AM       View Profile for Larry C   Email Larry C   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Larry C's Home Page   View IP for Larry C

Karen,
Oh sweet and wise one, it's always a joy to see ou share your heart. I struggled with adolescent depression and the some more in my 20's. Can't say I miss it. Stiil chuckling about dishes flying out the back door.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

XOx Uriah xOX
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9 posted 10-24-2006 03:37 PM       View Profile for XOx Uriah xOX   Email XOx Uriah xOX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for XOx Uriah xOX

The thought arises to share three things...
A saying...
Life is like photography...  We use the negative to develop.

A quote...
"Again I am reminded of the words of the Twenty-Sixth Psalm, "Examine me, O Lord, and try me."  Disease is surely one of the ways in which we are tried by life and offered the chance to be heroic.  Though few of us will win Olympic medals or slay dragons, disease can be the spark or gift that allows many of us to live out our personal myths and become heroes." --- Bernie Siegel

A personal opinion...
I have seen your bright shining armor and the golden heart that lies beneath it.
There is not the slightest doubt in my mind concerning your victory.
inot2B
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10 posted 10-24-2006 03:58 PM       View Profile for inot2B   Email inot2B   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for inot2B

Yep, when I read his article, I knew that you would of read it to.  Seeing how you have brought up his name and different articles he has written before.  I wondered if you were going to mention it on the blue pages.  Should have known you were.
I'm glad he did write about his depression hopefully more people will read it and see theirself in the article.  
I understand your feelings as menopause and depression seem to go together.  Thank God we do have doctors who understand and knows how to treat both.  Take care and as my husband always tells, "Don't forget to take your pill".  Seems he is happy I got help too.
sandgrain
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11 posted 10-26-2006 12:16 AM       View Profile for sandgrain   Email sandgrain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for sandgrain

You've been such an inspiration throughout this, Karen, and now you continue to be in another direction.  A human is designed to accept only so much and you've accepted a mountain of problems.

Love to you,
   Rae
serenity blaze
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12 posted 10-26-2006 04:17 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

I told a friend yesterday that the fact that this can happen to anybody reassured me. I felt some comfort in that.

On the other hand, that fact tends to scare other people who have not experienced it.

And I can't mention enough how much comfort I have found here, at Pip. I know there have been times I have raged against "the machine" but it's through this forum that I have met some of the most caring and understanding friends, and I am both humbled and grateful for you all.

Sandgrain? special hugs to you, my friend.

You, especially, remain an inspiration to me.

Nightshade
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just out of reach


13 posted 10-26-2006 06:10 PM       View Profile for Nightshade   Email Nightshade   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nightshade's Home Page   View IP for Nightshade

Ah, life ... one day it's kicks ... then it's kicks in the shins.
Anyone have some healing balm ?
Huggin' you Karen.
bslicker
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14 posted 10-26-2006 11:37 PM       View Profile for bslicker   Email bslicker   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bslicker

my head is nodding
i've missed the real you
the one that expanded my writing

and also i miss the real me

by the way
i was over there back in May

Bernie



A smile a day keeps the world in smile's.
Bernie Slicker
serenity blaze
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15 posted 10-27-2006 12:06 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Bernie?

I can't remember May.

This was just now really weird, 'cause I just walked around the house, asking those who are here, what happened in May...?

we are mixing up years here.

criminy
sandgrain
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16 posted 10-28-2006 05:17 PM       View Profile for sandgrain   Email sandgrain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for sandgrain

Karen, do you see what I see?  When I look at you, I see a wonderful sense of humor, a wizard of words, one who appreciates and practices 'tell it like it is' honesty, a warm thankful heart, compassion, perseverence, a vast understanding,  a high achiever, a protecter, a learned lady with a tremendously broad scope on life and a friend of many.

My prayers will be with you and yours.

Love,
Rae
serenity blaze
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17 posted 10-28-2006 10:10 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Rae?

The short answer is "no".

But I'm too close to the subject to be objective. And laughing..yes, I have mirrors--I love mirrors, but more than one visitor to my home has commented that they are all placed so high you can't see yourself in them. (And hey, that wasn't cosncious, it just so happens that's where my windows are too--it's a Feng Shui thing with me...smile?)

I have so many kindnesses to pay forward, I just pray that this winter of my discontent (<--melodrama alert) be mild and all these sweet seeds you all have planted are sturdy, hardy perennials.

Like the sunflowers. (actually an annual, but who's picking nit here? not me)

Did you hear about that Rae? SUNFLOWERS bloomed, wildly, all over our city this spring and summer, in crazy cracked sidewalks and piles of debris...smile--I took it as a good omen.

Love to all.
Sunshine
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18 posted 10-29-2006 10:25 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine



sandgrain
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19 posted 10-30-2006 10:42 PM       View Profile for sandgrain   Email sandgrain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for sandgrain

I hadn't heard about the blessing of sunflowers, but that's wonderful.  God works in stange ways. See you still see the good, Karen.  

It's difficult for us to visualize the extent of horrors you've experienced and the unknowns and knowns you're still dealing with.  Having no idea what kind of a city will finally evolve, or the future of it, has to be extremely unnerving.  It must be as hard to stay as it is to leave.  The familiar is gone, rip off artists prawl, rebuilding is slow and sparatic, while memories haunt. My prayers are with you.

   Rae
Juju
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20 posted 10-30-2006 11:37 PM       View Profile for Juju   Email Juju   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Juju's Home Page   View IP for Juju

-Juju

-"So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thougts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts " Silent all these Years, Tori Amos

rwood
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21 posted 01-26-2007 06:43 AM       View Profile for rwood   Email rwood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rwood

This needed to go back up. Thanks for this post and sharing Chris Rose.

((Hugs))

Reg
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22 posted 02-21-2007 09:33 AM       View Profile for Gentle Spirit   Email Gentle Spirit   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Gentle Spirit

K?     because I know...because I fight this same battle...and yes....because sometimes I sure miss 'me' too.  Hugs sweetie!!
Mysteria
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23 posted 02-21-2007 04:29 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

Glad Regina brought this back up - does a person good to read this every once in a while, as there is a fragile poet living inside of us all.  
serenity blaze
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24 posted 02-21-2007 06:29 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

This guy is so lovely. New Orleans, well, nothing much is sacred here, and Mardi Gras is used for parody, so when they contrived a carnival "throw"--a cup, depicting Mr. Rose in a straight jacket, he not only took it with good humor, he wrote a column encouraging all of the city to get our infamouse sense of humor back.

We've all been edgy much too long.

I hope that his column helps to take the disease of all mental illness "out of the closet." The brain is a human organ and is subject to illnesses just like every other organ in the body.

Thanks to all for reading and understanding.

 
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