I've trying to recover from the one I thought was "the one".
She suffered through horrible victimizations as a child teen and young woman. These things surfaced when she was with me. I guess she found her safe place. My problem is that I really don't have anyone to share with because of our positions in the community. I don't want to betray her trust. But the pain transfered is very strong and real. If somone wouldn't mind reading the work I have on the feelings inside, and perhaps commenting. I would greatly appreciate not feeling so alone.
Loving a Shadow:
I spend most days lost in a fog.
Swirling mists of sorrow created by the hateful words and feelings that pour down upon me, unleashed by the years of pain and damage hurled upon you.
The weight bearing down upon me like the culmination of eons of sins committed by hundreds of men.
I stand against the onslaught reaching out to you against gale forces of hatred, my hand stretched out to you in an attempt to pull you from the tempest within you.
When the storm subsides you retreat.
I stand dripping with pain from the assault, trying to put on a brave face for the woman returned to me from the horrors contained inside her crumbling facade.
My need to protect her outweighs my desire to eat, to breathe, to survive.
Her words are mercurial, dancing from love to hate, from fear to trust. They mark my soul and make me dance to her tune.
I want off this ride.
But I cannot bear the thought of losing the calm within these storms.
I hold on to the hope that what I see behind the pain and fear is real, more real than that which is used to flay me.
I kneel, not in pain now, not in supplication to the one that professes hate.
I kneel to the Angel that I see through the tattered remnants of your mask.
I kneel before the dreamer hidden and cowering in your heart.
I kneel and pray to things that I barely glimpse.
In hopes that they will not take away my dream.
My dream that you find peace within.
That you someday believe as I do, in you, in us.
I pray that we are delivered, I pray that the healing outweighs the hurt.
I pray that my heart speaks the truth, and that your lips have lied.