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buttercupbaby
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since 05-03-2006
Posts 399
outside in the rain


0 posted 06-02-2006 04:22 PM       View Profile for buttercupbaby   Email buttercupbaby   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for buttercupbaby


I bet a ton of other people have asked this in some way, but i might as well:
how do you let go of something/someone who has made a HUGE impact on your life??even if its really gone, how do you let go? how do you change to something new that will let you deal with grief, but forget without forgetting?its almost like im in between everything right now, i dont feel anything at all, but i feel everything..and its picking away at myself..i just don't know what to do..let me know if this doesn't make sense at all...its confusing to me.
sandgrain
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since 09-21-1999
Posts 3657
Sycamore, IL, USA


1 posted 06-02-2006 05:21 PM       View Profile for sandgrain   Email sandgrain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for sandgrain

It makes all kinds fo sense.  It's called the grieving process, not easy and doubtfully, ever mastered.  You can't make it go away, but you can lessen the difficulty of passing through it. Get busy doing things for others, when relaxing, read a good book, pray.  Ask yourself how you'd want someone you love to deal with it and use that advice.

Good luck and God bless

   Rae
buttercupbaby
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since 05-03-2006
Posts 399
outside in the rain


2 posted 06-06-2006 01:06 PM       View Profile for buttercupbaby   Email buttercupbaby   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for buttercupbaby

thank You for the advice, I'm going to use it..and hopefully it will help some. thanks alot.

-missy
LeeJ
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since 06-19-2003
Posts 13093
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3 posted 06-06-2006 02:06 PM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

I think true love allows and lets go, realizing that time has changed things and does indeed change people, knowing that to hold on, would certainly be selfish and contaminating to the relationship, cuz you can't make someone stay if they do not chose to do so....and when you can do that, leave go and wishing that person complete success and meaning it, then, a great change will begin within you, and you will forever be complemented by that love, by that relationship, enhancing your lives forever.  That is love...realizing, love is not fantasy, and does constantly change...as each individual grows in their specific journeys...and if you interfer with a persons growth, yours to will be stagnated, or so it's believed, which makes perfect sense to me????

and maybe your not talking about the loss of a relationship, but more so, the loss of human life?  I don't know, but certainly hope & pray, it isn't the latter.  

Hope I've been of some help....

buttercupbaby
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since 05-03-2006
Posts 399
outside in the rain


4 posted 06-12-2006 01:27 PM       View Profile for buttercupbaby   Email buttercupbaby   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for buttercupbaby

you have helped, you got it exactly right.it was true love, i thought, but he died in a car accident, he was only 15, i was 14, it was about not long ago, i know it sounds stupid "yes,he was my true love" b/c he was my ONLY love...and i felt like he was the one, i wouldn't have married him until i was alot older or anything though...so now, with him gone, i feel like i don't have a person to be with. and im scared to love again, im still very young, but it doesn't mean that i couldn't have really loved him, i did. and now, i don't know what to do..i just feel alone...and i can't love again, typical, i know. but can there really be more than one person you were meant to be with?im not so sure...i don't feel like anyone could love me anyway, for who i am. but thanks.

-missy
LeeJ
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since 06-19-2003
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5 posted 06-13-2006 07:18 AM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

Dear Missy
thank you for your reply, although, this was my deepest fear when responding to you the last time, and I'm so so sorry for you loss.  

Dearheart, time seems to be the greatest healer, but in the meantime, you might want to obtain, some professional help, to help you deal with this loss, which is not easy for anyone to do.  

I would also like to add, that upon attending church years ago, we were taught that it is perfectly all right to go through the grieving process...which includes anger, guilt, questions, all kinds of emotions.  

We should think of death as not an end, but as a new beginning...a cross over perhaps into another plane, and the purpose of that person we loose, to ascend into a higher realm, so to speak, because their time here on earth is complete, and their destiny is now to continue to grow...perhaps understanding that, helps make it easier for those of us left behind to conclude and continue with our lives here, as it should be.  

I will honestly admit, it is difficult & painful to let go of those who have left this earth...but if we try and keep in mind that when we leave this earth, does not mean our journey is over, more so, another has begun...

He will always be with you, in your soul, your heart, your entire being, with all the memories he's given you...

I believe he would be very upset if you chose not to love again...or chose not to be happy.  He wouldn't want you to fear loving again...He would want you to be happy, as you would him, if you had been the one to leave...right?  Its ok to be happy again Missy and to continue to love others, its ok to continue to live...  

What I'm concerned about Missy, is your statement "I don't feel that anyone could love me anyway, for who I am".  Why do you feel that way?
and you don't have to answer in this forum, but search your heart and ask yourself why you feel that way.  

That is why I've suggested some professional counseling.  If you meet people, and they do not love you for who you are, then they do not deserve "your" friendship...

You are very significant, talented, intelligent...and you should be the one who chooses friends, not the reverse.  

Loosing someone you love is a devestating part of life...but, loosing your identity, and not having faith in yourself, is just as devestating and can create problems for you in the future, and you do have a future....one you can choose...yanno...(wink)

I'm suggesting taking one step at a time, slowly, and perhaps speak to a counselor at school.  Be open, honest, and share your true feelings, hurt and grief with that counselor...and he/she can help you evaluate your problems and perhaps give you some answers....I'm also suggesting you copy this thread and allow that counelor to read it, to help her/him understand your feelings...

Wish so, I could do more, say more, to make it easier for you, but I do promise, time will heal and give you many opportunities to understand your grief and not close the door to your best friend/love, but to go forward knowing he gave you so much, love, friendship, happiness, sharing some most precious moments, which will enhance your life and get you ready for what ever is yet to come...

Please be content in knowing you are the better for knowing him...and he will be with you always...smiling at each accomplishment you obtain, and more so, would want it so, more then anything.

Love to you and please, from time to time, let us know how your doing.  

I hope I have sofened the load some or helped in some small way, I wish so I could do more.

Hugs and much love
Lee J.  

buttercupbaby
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since 05-03-2006
Posts 399
outside in the rain


6 posted 06-13-2006 12:29 PM       View Profile for buttercupbaby   Email buttercupbaby   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for buttercupbaby

i'm glad you replied again, it helped alot. And I think i might go to a counseling session...

i know that he might be happy if i am, but it just doesn't seem right to me. To just forget everything and be fine again, it just doesn't seem right to me..

and how long is the grieving process? because i think the reason people don't like me for me, is b/c when i feel like i can trust them, i might talk to them, and then they get upset, i guess, because they don't want to be "weighed down with my problems"...but if its the grieving process, then is it not ok to talk to a friend i feel i can trust? i mean, they aren't counselers or anything, but they can still try and comfort me, and i guess thats why i don't want to move on...because im worried that if i move on too fast, they'll start "liking" me again..but then getting mad at me when i talk about him...so i would rather people not like me as me, then like a me thats being fake and forgetfull..

thats what i meant.
but anyway, thanks. I'm going to think about what you said alot..It makes me feel better when someone seems to care a little bit..=)


love,
-missy
LeeJ
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since 06-19-2003
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7 posted 06-14-2006 09:23 AM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

Morning Missy

You wrote

I know that he might be happy if i am, but it just doesn't seem right to me. To just forget everything and be fine again, it just doesn't seem right to me..

A real and true friend who loves you, would want you to be fine...wouldn't they? Isn't that what love is...the desire for those we care about to be successful, happy, content? Wouldn't you want that for him, regardless of the circumstances...?

Think of it this way...perhaps where ever he is, he is feeling the very same way about you, and cannot go forward unless he knows your going to be all right?

No one can say how long the grieving process takes, as each of us is different....it's all up to you, and for you...

may I suggest, taking baby steps one day at a time...don't be impatient or expect a quick fix, give it time, relax and don't worry...just getting through each day sometimes is enough to know...the answers to your questions will come with time and understanding....

You never have to forget, getting on with your life, doesn't mean you should abandon the memories you to shared, as both of you enhanced each others lives....yanno?

The memories will continue to enhance your life....and there will come a day, when you think of him, a smile will grace your entire being....and believe it or not, there will come days that you might feel guilty that you didn't think of him today, its ok...not to think of him...that means your beginning again...

try to think of your friends as their own individual persons, they don't think and feel the same as you do...and so, they deal with problems differently, it doesn't mean they don't like you...it's just that some people do better by not talking about things...doesn't make you wrong or a bad person for wanting to do so...

Find one person, whom will listen, be it a counselor, adult....remember, your friends are your age, and they might not be equipped to give you consrutive answers.  Remember, they are dealing with the same questions, the same pain, the same why did this happen.... and they do not know how to answer you.  Maybe it makes them uncomfortable, b/c they don't know how to answer your questions?

So, find someone you can talk to about this, who will help you evaluate, preferably an adult.

Be yourself, always and forever, don't pretend to be someone you are not, in the long run, people, even kids, like honesty...and know, it's ok to get on with your life...I believe a lot of us feel we should not be happy b/c someone else is not...that's not true...think of death as a promotion, or new opportunity...

dealing with death is a life experience which no one wishes to face....our spirits are the truth of who we are, therefore, living forever...as your memories of him should, as well.  

It is ok to live again, to be happy again and to want life....you would for him, wouldn't you?

It is essential, though, that you talk about your feelings with someone equipped to listen...it is important to frankly express your true feelings on this issue, with someone, so I strongly encourage that as a first step in healing...

wishing and hoping for you peace

Love to you...
Lee J.


[This message has been edited by LeeJ (06-14-2006 12:56 PM).]

buttercupbaby
Member
since 05-03-2006
Posts 399
outside in the rain


8 posted 06-16-2006 02:59 PM       View Profile for buttercupbaby   Email buttercupbaby   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for buttercupbaby

thanks alot for all the help, i really needed it to go forth with counseling..and I have, i had my first session yesterday..it hasn't really helped yet,but im sure it will.
and I'm going to try more to be myself, and if people don't like that, they'll just have to deal with it=)

i really needed all you said to move on..forward with my life, you've helped more than i can say. I'm going to try more to take your advice, and maybe i'll get along better!

I feel really great cause i think im already having a more positive attitude!!? well, thank you so much, and i copied the thread like you said.

thanks alot!!
really and truly, you helped.

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 06-19-2003
Posts 13093
SE PA


9 posted 06-19-2006 07:21 AM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

my best to you, always, please keep in touch would love to hear from you from time to time...hugs
Frank W. Torres
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since 06-10-2006
Posts 132


10 posted 06-19-2006 07:30 PM       View Profile for Frank W. Torres   Email Frank W. Torres   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Frank W. Torres

There is a song that says; walk on faith and trust in love". Its never easy.
latearrival
Member Elite
since 03-21-2003
Posts 4407
Florida


11 posted 06-20-2006 04:08 AM       View Profile for latearrival   Email latearrival   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for latearrival

Buttercup. What LeeJ has said is right on. She will be a huge help to you if as you said you have printed this thread and go back to read it from time to time.
Each time you read it you may find another truth. And as the days and weeks go by and you re-read, it will have  more meaning for you. Best to you, martyjo
 
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