thank you for your reply, although, this was my deepest fear when responding to you the last time, and I'm so so sorry for you loss.
Dearheart, time seems to be the greatest healer, but in the meantime, you might want to obtain, some professional help, to help you deal with this loss, which is not easy for anyone to do.
I would also like to add, that upon attending church years ago, we were taught that it is perfectly all right to go through the grieving process...which includes anger, guilt, questions, all kinds of emotions.
We should think of death as not an end, but as a new beginning...a cross over perhaps into another plane, and the purpose of that person we loose, to ascend into a higher realm, so to speak, because their time here on earth is complete, and their destiny is now to continue to grow...perhaps understanding that, helps make it easier for those of us left behind to conclude and continue with our lives here, as it should be.
I will honestly admit, it is difficult & painful to let go of those who have left this earth...but if we try and keep in mind that when we leave this earth, does not mean our journey is over, more so, another has begun...
He will always be with you, in your soul, your heart, your entire being, with all the memories he's given you...
I believe he would be very upset if you chose not to love again...or chose not to be happy. He wouldn't want you to fear loving again...He would want you to be happy, as you would him, if you had been the one to leave...right? Its ok to be happy again Missy and to continue to love others, its ok to continue to live...
What I'm concerned about Missy, is your statement "I don't feel that anyone could love me anyway, for who I am". Why do you feel that way?
and you don't have to answer in this forum, but search your heart and ask yourself why you feel that way.
That is why I've suggested some professional counseling. If you meet people, and they do not love you for who you are, then they do not deserve "your" friendship...
You are very significant, talented, intelligent...and you should be the one who chooses friends, not the reverse.
Loosing someone you love is a devestating part of life...but, loosing your identity, and not having faith in yourself, is just as devestating and can create problems for you in the future, and you do have a future....one you can choose...yanno...(wink)
I'm suggesting taking one step at a time, slowly, and perhaps speak to a counselor at school. Be open, honest, and share your true feelings, hurt and grief with that counselor...and he/she can help you evaluate your problems and perhaps give you some answers....I'm also suggesting you copy this thread and allow that counelor to read it, to help her/him understand your feelings...
Wish so, I could do more, say more, to make it easier for you, but I do promise, time will heal and give you many opportunities to understand your grief and not close the door to your best friend/love, but to go forward knowing he gave you so much, love, friendship, happiness, sharing some most precious moments, which will enhance your life and get you ready for what ever is yet to come...
Please be content in knowing you are the better for knowing him...and he will be with you always...smiling at each accomplishment you obtain, and more so, would want it so, more then anything.
Love to you and please, from time to time, let us know how your doing.
I hope I have sofened the load some or helped in some small way, I wish so I could do more.
Hugs and much love