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why I'm not myself
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why I'm not myself |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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I just put out a fire. No shtuff. My dining room table was in flames. The newspaper caught fire from a tealight and by the time I noticed it, the flames were two feet high. It was a nice table at one time too. I smothered it and caught the wood with some olive oil, but there's still a pretty good scorch on it--under the linens. My cat died today too. Mojo...the ultimate kewl cat. I called her my cat, but actually it was my son's. First time I've seen him cry since he got busted for "improving" a teacher's website. (And yeah, I warned him that it was illegal--a felony, even--but even the cops said it was tantamount to drawing nasty cartoons of the teacher these days. (Thanks for the support there, officer--that really drilled the lesson home. It would have been of some benefit if the teachers hadn't copied his works, passed them amongst themselves and snickered too-- My son has some dubious talents and a wicked sense of humor.) My sister has pneumonia. She went to a doctor tho. We normally don't do that for pneumonia, 'cause we were raised dirt poor and y'didn't go to a doctor unless you were dying. We were afraid she was dying. So wss she. (We are, understandably, a little paranoid 'bout that.) We're taking care of her when she allows. I got sprinkled with Holy Water today too. I tried to tell Bettie it was just my period, but when she persisted, I told her my name was "legion"  so now she is hell bent on converting me to Catholicism. No pun, no insult intended. I admire the catholic ritual--I just wonder at times if they know what they are doing.My son has five cavities. The good news is that medicaid is going to take care of that. The bad news is our medicaid expires at the end of the month. (We're gonna try to squeeze it in.) The debris on our street is cleaned up. Just don't go around the block. I almost have my home back in order--it took four months to get a new shed, so we were living with tools in the livingroom, because well, we couldn't put them on the porch because it was confused with debris. Or just up for grabs to the late-nite looter folk. Men are funny about brand new hand carts too. (He polished the damn thing.) I'm sick of cooking cabbage, too. And I think I'm sick of being sick--the only antibiotics I have left are the Rifampin--and I have such a severe reaction to that that it "burns" my soft fleshy places. (gulp--NOD) The one most noticible would be my lips. The rest I'll leave to your imagination. Don't tell me to go to a doctor. If you want to be helpful tell a doc to come see me. I received Disaster Medicaid in the middle of Christmas Holidays--pre-dated to the beginning of December. And oh. Doctor's offices are closed during christmas holidays...so the next appointment wasn't until...um, when? Did I mention my toilet screams when I flush it? Well it does. (At least the sewers quit backing up--that was rather gross.) And it's not going to be anytime soon that the Sewerage & Water Board come out to take a look to see if an uprooted tree damanged the underground pipeline allowing debris to collect in those pipes giving us the plumbing version of Katrina Cough. My city is full of piles of debris, and tsk...termite season is soon upon us, as well as the dreaded flying palmetto bug (giant flying roaches for those of you blessed to not know) and um, disease carrying mosquitoes are breeding in the puddles left by the broken water mains. New Orleans Entergy is bankrupt, and is maintaining a tight budget via a loan from the parent company of Lousisiana Entergy--and gee, I wonder where they will get the money to pay that back? (It gets real hot here in N'awlins folks, and yep--hike those utilitiy cost up, because well, the money has gotta come from somewhere.) The Healthcare network infrastructure has been devastated---University/Charity hospital is no longer in existence. So that is putting extra strain on the few existing hospitals still in business. My friend has a lump in her breast and has no place to go for help. Her husband recently had a series of heart attacks--all in one day--stress related--and they live in fear that the collection agency will seize the monies granted them to fix their home in order to pay the medical bills. Looting is still going on, as there are still houses in piles of rubble, and it's a tremendous task for the police force to guard what appears to be garbage--especially as organized gangs have infiltrated the area as "cheap labor" by day--so they can return as opportunity arises to sort through the remains of people's lives. And it's spring. Noramlly, yes, a happy time, but dogs and cats, in spite of the wonderful efforts of the angels of animal mercies, develop into feral colonies and packs, roaming the streets...and then there is Easter, which in my family, has been rendered the opposite of hope and renewal, as it is now forever, no matter the date, the gut-wrenching reminder of my sister's death. The shift of demographics has compounded criminal activity in a city already torn by racial strife. People are waiting for the red tape of government to decide what options are feasible to them accordingly, and...hurricane season is creeping upon us yet again. Traffic lights work now--sometimes. Housing is such a problem that squatters are becoming a safety hazard as they inhabit apartments, motels, residences that seem more liveable than the shelter provided by the expressway. Lotsa fires. And oh yes, FEMA is getting on the ball about delivering trailers--they just seem to be negligent about delivering keys--and by law, a locksmith will not touch a FEMA trailer as that is "defacing government property." We watch the evening news, and wonder at the billions of dollars being sent out way, as our medicaid is denied, our food stamps also denied renewal, and even our pleas for the dignity of helping ourselves by being given partial provision of some of the monies provided to the nation by our natural resources are, as well denied us. So....and this is ripping my heart out--but I have decided that I have no recourse but to look for the opportunity to move elsewhere. I'm sure that makes sense to the average person who has had the tenacity to read the dreary facts listed above. But think, please about one thing: we have to go somewhere, and we may end up in YOUR community. Now if you think I'm depressed, just imagine how depressing it would be for our problems to become yours. Not in my backyard? sigh... And folks? This ain't a partisan issue. It really is about people. And why I am depressed? I am watching them die. I'm exhausted folks. forgive me. |
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| © Copyright 2006 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Until you remind us all, as you have done, that the "disaster isn't over", a lot of us have continued to get on with our own lives, and how insensitive that seems to make us. You can move into my backyard anytime. We'll share problems. And find some solutions. I don't have the answers at all, on what your local government can do to stem the tide of losses in so many arenas, Karen, but I do know that your own personal actions give a lot of people hope - even those you don't know who go by and watch this wonderful woman continue on making a life for her family. Hugging you tight on your loss of Mojo, and in missing your sister, and praying for the one that is ill, that she will recover quickly. And stay on top of that son of yours...as I know you are doing. I miss you. And you ARE yourself. Just bruised up and banged around. Yep...it's time to move. And that isn't easy, no matter what kind of move life brings us. |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
I can't even imagine, Karen...and though I have a few similar losses in my life as you, the devastation in New Orleans is something I can't even comprehend. Sending loving thoughts and prayers for you to do what is needed to right your situation.  M |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
sigh I did not intend to imply that my troubles are the worse or more burdensome than anyone else's. I was tired, drunk and ticked off. And you can add lonely to the list. I don't have anybody to talk to--funny--a houselful of people and nobody to talk to... But thanks Kari, thanks mo. It's just another day. |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
My wonderful friend, I have no words of wisdom...the state of things these days has left me oddly speechless. But I know lonely.  it seems to make things so much easier to deal with when we have someone to talk to. I am here if you need. I may be a bit silent right now but I can call.  Love you lady! "too bad ignorance isn't painful" |
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Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
I could go on and on but won't as you have to be there as you know. However I am glad Twist got taken care of (sort of,) and sorry and ashamed about the rest really. I too would like to know where all that money is going I see about on t.v. as obviously it is not ending up where it is supposed to, with the people. Maybe scream into a pillow every so often? You know I am sorry for all of this happening to you, as it hits home hard when you love the person taking this in. You know also I am always here right? |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
Zen Parable: Buddha told a parable in sutra: A man traveling across a field encountered a tiger. He fled, the tiger after him. Coming to a precipice, he caught hold of the root of a wild vine and swung himself down over the edge. The tiger sniffed at him from above. Trembling, the man looked down to where, far below, another tiger was waiting to eat him. Only the vine sustained him. Two mice, one white and one black, little by little started to gnaw away the vine. The man saw a luscious strawberry near him. Grasping the vine with one hand, he plucked the strawberry with the other. How sweet it tasted! Have a strawberry... |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
*smiling at Reb's reply* 'have a strawberry'... indeed... Karen?... I wish everyone, whether they realize the devestation from Katrina and Rita or not, could read what you have written here... It needs to be shared... and it needs to be heard... You know that I know... and understand... and that I care... Your family?... is MY family... and I love you all... I'm here for you, my sis... always... |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Of course you didn't mean to imply that, m'friend. It was I who was saying we just aren't reminded every day what it is like. AND when we are by the local media? Sigh. We don't trust them much anymore, either, to tell the true story. Your new vocation should be as a journalist..... telling the truth. We love you, and that is all I was trying to impart. I wish I could help more. Write me. |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
I've got ten acres that are ready and waiting for you to come move on to. Just as long as you can stand the cold. Thank you for reminding me of some important things |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
Serenity, My heart goes out to all of you. I have read of all the trailers stuck in Ak. while people are being put out of the hotels. What does it take to get them moved? Such red tape! ANd now a key problem! It seems all so senseless. And yes, we can not possibly understand unless we were there living it as you are. Trying to understand the whys and wherefores of this government. sincerely, martyjo |
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sandgrain Member Elite
since 1999-09-21
Posts 3662Sycamore, IL, USA |
Oh, Karen, I'm so sorry about your Mojo. The aftermath's ravine you're climbing out of, takes more stamina than most have. Yet, you're having to deal with these additional problems! We're on a double lot, want to come? I've been thinking of the anniversary of your sister's death, and hoping you'll have more pleasurable memories. I agree that many, many more should read your account of being on the supposedly receiving end of all that's supposed to be being pumped in there. Thanks for telling it like it is, Karen. ((((warm hugs))))) Rae |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
You need a hug. -Juju -<>-~-<>-~-<>- |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
Karen- I don't boast 10 acres, or a double lot... but I have a futon, AND I have a 3-legged cat. I know he's not your cat, but he loves to cuddle, and... c'mon. He has three legs. How's that for novelty? Sorry I don't have anything more meaningful or wise to say. I have no concept of the suffering in that area- unfortunately, you're the only source I have, since the news seems oddly silent on the issue? Or maybe I just don't watch enough. Hang in there- I know you're a tough lady. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
I read. I hug. I too have a backyard... uhm, just don't back into the cactus!  |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
I'm not what you might call a social butterfly by choice...and I sometimes linger behind in reading here. I'm glad I found this...and I'm glad I found you. I don't think there is a stronger person, a deeper person, or a more loving person than our Serenity Blaze. And hey, I don't think I would have stayed this long or managed to stay up this well. You are quite a bright light to all of us...and where ever you go...you will be welcome for sure. Hugs and Hope, Kathy |
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byski Member
since 2006-01-26
Posts 235Alberta, Canada |
Must've felt good to get that out, well as good as it can possibly feel. Thats one thing about this online society is that we have all been there and done that (to a certian extent) and we can find support in great numbers here. But that is all I can say is that you have support here, I could only imagine what must be going on inside your head. I definantly don't have all those problems. |
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The Lady Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634The Southwest |
There are troubles and then there are troubles. These are the second kind. I cannot begin to imagine how you must feel and I would not presume to try to cheer you up but what you have written reminds me I am one damn lucky woman. Hugs to you. |
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