there's a poet, and as always, I forget his name...actually he was considered a poet/profit, he said...we don't own our children...which had a direct impact on my psychi, when I was going thru the same thing with my son. Only difference was, I was a lot more independent then most, and realized the necessity of David going out and finding his own identity. I believe the hardest part was convincing my ex-his father, that he had to give David some room and allow him his own mistakes. Otherwise, how was he to learn. He was a good person, hardly any trouble, gravitated towards the good kids, and fortunately at the time, I was a Sunday School teacher and Youth Group advisor, which is something you could look into. Our home was the home that they all came to.
Other then that, in your own time and own way, you have to realize, love, true love is not possessive or co-dependent..you cannot rely on your son, husband or anyone else for happiness/fulfillment or permission to be happy. It's got to be owned by only you.
It is very difficult letting them go, for some, worse then others, but there is also a silent admiration in the fact that when you do let him go, he'll love you for it and consider that you trust him and his intuition more. Somehow when you become comfortable, he will become the same.
Believe me, when my son joined the Air Force it was hard...no more kids in the house, no more dinners, fishing trips, camping, etc...but you have to replace those things with other gratifing accomplishments for yourself. It isn't easy changing from the role of a mother to all of a sudden not having a child in your home any longer. But, we must allow them, and that's the big word here for you...Allowance...is your son's opened door to a new beginning, a new identity...knowing full well you support him. Be happy in your accomplishment with him and your relationship...but don't let him see how you miss him...just let him know your there for him if need be.
It's his time coming....so, best thing you can do for both of you, is to slowly cut the
cord...keep telling yourself, it's his time.
Presently, he's still there, but there will come a day, when he will leave the nest...and I suppose this is nature's way of getting us ready for that.
The great thing is that you've acknowledged it and your not about to smother him....
I hope in some small way, I've helped...please feel free to write me anytime...be proud and grateful that he has been the light of your life for the years you've had him, and understand nature's loving way. The truest way we can show our love sometimes is to let go...painful, yes, but rewarding as well.
Hugs to ya...we've all been there...
Start making a list of things you would like to do for you...accomplish them...things that you've always thought about doing but never could. Also, caring for others less fortunate then yourself, is always a great way to occupy time...perhaps get involved in a group or agency...but get involved, and meet new people, it's healthy, and rewarding...paint, do a book, take a short 3 day trip, work a part time job, perhaps join a writing group...make special time for you now. It will help the transition go a little more comfortably.