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Passions in Poetry

Is there a time when family isn't that anymore?

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Silent Prisoner
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since 02-15-2006
Posts 38
Around Somewhere


0 posted 02-19-2006 12:31 PM       View Profile for Silent Prisoner   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Silent Prisoner


So last week I found out that my family has been lying to me for ten years about something pretty major. I really don't know what to do about it. I confronted my mother about it who then proceeded to still continue to lie to my face. The only one in my family who has even begun to be truthful whith me about the inncendent I didn't believe until I saw it for myself. So now they will not speak to me. Why do families lie and try to hide the really big things from others?

"It's not the letting go that hurts, it's the holding on."

nakdthoughts
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since 10-29-2000
Posts 19275
Between the Lines


1 posted 02-19-2006 01:29 PM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

no one can understand if you aren't a bit more specific...

families lie for many reasons...some to protect their children or themselves...maybe they felt you would want to know more than is your right to know...but without a bit more information people can't give you the support you may be seeking.

Example...my parents  never once told me or my two brothers that our older brother and sister were adopted by my father and that my mother was married once before. (Divorce was not common back then and to marry a divorced woman and to adopt her children was not always acceptable)

I found out by accident but I don't know if my two brothers were ever told. It  really didn't concern us since we had both our biological parents with us.  And the only reason it was explained to me was because I ran across the adoption papers while looking in a drawer for something.

My  older brother and sister were never treated differently although they did hold a slight grudge against my father and would run away to Grandmother whenever they  were  punished. And sometimes my sister would tell others I was her  half sister  to spite me when they would say we looked alike.

Their father was a womanizer (and while stationed in the army had other wives all over the country) Anyway that isn't probably what you had in mind, but as children we sometimes will use the information against the parents or others when being told we can't do something or when compared to another sibling.
I am sorry you aren't speaking to one another, but maybe with time you will all come to understand each other.

M
Sunshine
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Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


2 posted 02-19-2006 03:54 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

I agree with Maureen.  Specifics help to form an opinion, to give some possible reason as to why they didn't come to you with the truth.  Of course, it is very likely that the fact of it is painful to you, and in that respect, and to respond to your titled question, "is there a time when family isn't that anymore?" I would say,

Yes.

sandgrain
Member Elite
since 09-21-1999
Posts 3657
Sycamore, IL, USA


3 posted 02-20-2006 05:09 PM       View Profile for sandgrain   Email sandgrain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for sandgrain

A gal I know, is now going through a terrible time with her elderly mother, who has diabeties and a lung disease.  This gal drives for hours in inclement weather to clean her mom's apartment, bring her new clothes,and look out for her welfare. The mom accuses her of stealing from her, keeping her imprisioned in the nursing home where she presently is, etc.  The daughter says,  I feel someone has to care for nasty people, even though she's still as mean as she was when we were kids. Now that's family!

I'm sorry you've been hurt, but maybe you need to ask WHY this incident was withheld from you.  There may be reasons you're not aware of that are understandable.

Sometimes I wish I'd withheld some things from my children.  I had a neglectful anesthesiologist when one was born (c-section)and almost died.  I talked about this with someone (10 years later?), thinking
that child was outside playing.  One day saying he'd overheard me, he asked why I'd never told him.  He was very hurt that I hadn't, yet hurt even more, I think, because he felt guilt being it was his birth. That's the very reason I would never have told him.

Hope this helps.

   Rae
Mysteria
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since 03-07-2001
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British Columbia, Canada


4 posted 02-20-2006 05:51 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

I won't go into my story, but genetically, they are always going to be family to you by birth, but how you react to them is entirely your choice.  I chose to eliminate some branches of my family tree, and never have regretted it to this day, and I am old even!   I might suggest you get the truth before making any decision at all, and base your reaction on that. Good luck.
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