Why is it, that after every natural high (and by natural I don't mean that "naturally grown" high, I'm talking a seretonin high ) I sink lower than I was before? I was on top of the world for a good two weeks or so but now? Now I'm in the depths again, and it's taking every ounce of energy I have to put a smile on my face. My meds are still working, but I just feel ... broken.
I need to get away, but I'll still have everything waiting here for me when I get back. I know my friends are at a loss as to what to do with me, and I can't even explain to them what's wrong, because I just don't know what's wrong. My issues with him (and those of you who are reading my poems lately know what that's all about) aren't even the underlying issue. I've got no patience with him, and though I love him, I just want to escape. But I can't, cause three months from now I'll just be right back with him, cause I can't stay away from him. I don't even know if it would be any easier if he were closer.
I feel trapped by everything and everyone, like my entire life is a prison that I've got no hope of escape from. I don't have time to be depressed, I've got chemistry that I've got to deal with, after that it's biology, and quite frankly, even though I'm only taking the one chemistry course I feel swamped and like I'm in way over my head.
I've begun taking the blame for everything upon myself, I don't like doing it, but in some twisted way it makes me feel better. Gives me a reason to feel sorry for myself or something like that. Problem is, I don't like myself when I do that, but I'm having the hardest time NOT doing that. *sigh*
February is always a hard month for me, I don't know why, but it's always the worst month for my depression, but it's not even February yet
I'll be ok, eventually, I'm just... stuck.