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Passions in Poetry

Life and Me

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Juju
Member Elite
since 12-29-2003
Posts 3353
In your dreams


0 posted 12-13-2005 10:59 AM       View Profile for Juju   Email Juju   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Juju's Home Page   View IP for Juju

I guess I am not sure if I could appropriatly express my fealings.  I wish he would dissapear.  I swear I have fealings for him, but every time I get enough over him, he comes back.  I am already weak in my heart from severall things, but this is what really gets me.  I keep falling for him again each time.  It is to say stupid and I hate my self for it.  Yesturday  in class I saw he had some hichkies and have to say I was some what relieved.   I at first thought I was free, but now I realized it is really relief from the guilt.   Maybe he has some one else to worry about.  

I hope that he forgets about me.  It sounds wierd, but  
it is the first time in my life were I want to not exist in his memories for my own sanity.  I have so much I want to do in my life, and I just am glad that I may be finally getting over him.  You see It is the enormous guilt I feel for what I put him through that kills me.  It is getting better, but I still see him every day.  everytime I am remeinded what I did.   I just hope he understands one day that it was all me and not him.  It is kind of because of him that I still won't get in to a relationship, because I am afraid that I am still haunted by demons that dwell in my heart.  I am afraid that some one will have to go through what he did.  

So I end up pushing guys away... Because I am deathly afraid that I will be hurt or abused.  I gues that I am human, but The more I heal from my past the more it seems to get me. I gues what happened was that he came like a knight in shinning armor only to find I was a wee bit over his head.

I have to go to class now,
I will continue perhapps tomarrow.

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;
Juju
Member Elite
since 12-29-2003
Posts 3353
In your dreams


1 posted 12-13-2005 02:30 PM       View Profile for Juju   Email Juju   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Juju's Home Page   View IP for Juju

And continuing...

IN the end I feal like I DON'T KNOW WHAT i WANT IN LIFE. I am confused and troubled. My insecurities cripple me and I feal like the world is a beach ball in my head.  

I think in the end I just want to know that every thing will be ok.  but there is little confort in my life.

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

Alicat
Member Elite
since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


2 posted 12-13-2005 02:37 PM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

And you're still relatively young.  Have some patience with yourself and learn how to forgive yourself.  Want a good way to surmount insecurities?  On/off-campus poetry readings, and wearing goofy clothing.  Worked for me with my 'Ugly Suits' and 'No-Comb Week' back in college...that was before I went bald to see what it'd be like and dressed in Gregorian monks robes blessing people.  Being at a Christian university, it was odd that there were some who were not amused.
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 03-02-2003
Posts 9998
New York


3 posted 12-13-2005 05:56 PM       View Profile for littlewing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for littlewing

Unfortunately, everything you said above never really goes away.  The fact that you even realize you dont "agree" with everything going on in your life makes you more intuitive of your own being than you realize.

You can only change that.  Within yourself.

And you will.

And Ali?  I would have loved to have gone to college with you.  That made me smile.

Juju
Member Elite
since 12-29-2003
Posts 3353
In your dreams


4 posted 12-13-2005 11:42 PM       View Profile for Juju   Email Juju   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Juju's Home Page   View IP for Juju

I am starting to feel better.  I had a good cry after my night class.  

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 10-12-2004
Posts 6334
Waukegan


5 posted 12-15-2005 09:18 PM       View Profile for Huan Yi   Email Huan Yi   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Huan Yi


Juju,

My best friend who is a few months younger than I
is going blind.  There’s no medical question as to whether
he’ll be worst off soon, just whether he be able to see anything
or nothing.  It might be good to keep in mind your good fortunes.
Perhaps others should post a few more examples of what others
have to bear to give you perspective.

John

Juju
Member Elite
since 12-29-2003
Posts 3353
In your dreams


6 posted 12-17-2005 04:28 PM       View Profile for Juju   Email Juju   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Juju's Home Page   View IP for Juju

yes I know.  I will send prayers to your friend.

-Juju

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

 
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