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Passions in Poetry

Losing my Best Friend

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Savage Quiescence
Member
since 07-29-2002
Posts 328
Wandering


0 posted 11-28-2005 07:39 PM       View Profile for Savage Quiescence   Email Savage Quiescence   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Savage Quiescence

Hello, all. I've been having a lot of trouble dealing with something, lately, and I always get great feedback from fellow PiPsters, so I turn to you now in hopes of a little advice.

I was best friends with a girl named Amber since second grade. We lived just a mile away and were inseperable for years. In middle school we had a falling out and were not nearly as close, but our sophomore year of high school quickly brought us back together. During the last three years of high school, we practically lived together. As best friends do, we saw each other through everything, and my fondest memories are of us together.

After graduation this past June, Amber moved into an apartment with her cousin and I moved to a new house with my parents. We're only about 20 minutes away from each other, but we may as well be oceans apart. We spent the first week of July visiting her grandparents in Pennsylvania, and went to a theme park together a couple of weeks after. Other than that, though, I haven't really spent any time with her.

We both started college in the fall (at the same school) and I understood that this was a hectic time for both of us. I thought that with time, we would reconnect. Then she never called. So I wrote her a very long letter explaining that I missed her, but understood if something had happened and she no longer wished to be my friend. I simply asked her to respond. I didn't hear from her for a week. When she finally did call, she said she hadn't had time to write back, but then went on to talk about going to the movies and hanging out with her cousin.

After that, phone calls were scarce, and were mostly innitiated by myself. I invited her and her cousin and boyfriend to go bowling about two months ago in hopes that it would bring us back together. We had fun that night, but she never called afterwards. I thought it was finally over until she called last month and acted like no time had passed.

I haven't heard from her since, except for a brief phone call when I asked her to drop off my library card. She did, along with the rest of my things that she still had.

Now trust me, Amber and I separated on good terms. I understand that this is a difficult time in both of our lives, and I don't want to smother her. But I can't stand things the way they are. I feel like my best friend of 11 years has thrown our relationship out with the trash. It drives me crazy that I miss her constantly. But I refuse to have a one-way friendship. I refuse to always be the one to call, or set up times to hang out. That's not a true friendship.

I've been thinking about writing her another letter (I'm big on letters) that explains exactly how I feel. I thought about saying that either we have a real friendship, or we don't have one at all. This half-way stuff doesn't cut it with me. I either need her to be in my life all the way, or not at all. But I feel like it's unfair to demand it be so black and white.

I just know that I can't go on like this. I cry three or four times a week, and miss her desperatly. I am too afraid to let anyone else in because if she could throw me away after so many years, what would make it hard on anyone else? This is really eating away at me.

Any response is appreciated. And thanks so much for listening, I know I rambled entirely too long.

Feeling Rejected,
Alicia

www.livejournal.com/users/alimakins

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 05-18-2001
Posts 29020
Gaia


1 posted 11-28-2005 09:00 PM       View Profile for Midnitesun   Email Midnitesun   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Midnitesun


'This half-way stuff doesn't cut it with me. I either need her to be in my life all the way, or not at all.
But I feel like it's unfair to demand it be so black and white'

I do understand, the pain that goes with having a friendship that seems 'unrequited' or one-sided.
But you've already hit upon the answer, haven't you? Why does it have to be all or nothing? It almost sounds like you want to possess or own her exclusively, and on your terms only.  Give her some space, but let her know you are still her friend, and that you miss the fun times you shared.
Savage Quiescence
Member
since 07-29-2002
Posts 328
Wandering


2 posted 11-28-2005 11:06 PM       View Profile for Savage Quiescence   Email Savage Quiescence   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Savage Quiescence

Thanks for responding .

I know it sounds like I want to be her one and only friend, but it's not that way at all. I've got other friends, and spend a lot of time with my boyfriend. I want her to have other friends and be happy, as well.

But I don't want to just be friends when it's convenient for her. That's how I feel things are right now. I feel like I'm holding onto a friendship that isn't there.

If only spending time with her three times in five months doesn't count as space, I don't know what does. I know things will never be like they were, but I need to know that we really are friends. That, or I need the closure and dignity of a goodbye.

Am I asking for too much?

I do so appreciate that you took the time to respond.

www.livejournal.com/users/alimakins

sandgrain
Member Elite
since 09-21-1999
Posts 3657
Sycamore, IL, USA


3 posted 11-29-2005 11:05 PM       View Profile for sandgrain   Email sandgrain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for sandgrain

Maybe you could ask her if the changed circumstances have changed your friendship?  Tell her you're wondering if she misses the old fun times as much as you do.  Ask if she'd like you to stop calling her.  Asking her questions in a nice tone, will stir her thinking as well as let her know how you feel.

Good luck,
  Rae
jody5
Senior Member
since 12-21-2005
Posts 879
California, U.S.A.


4 posted 01-01-2006 02:47 AM       View Profile for jody5   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jody5

She may just be involved in too much. Call her and find out what her scheadule is like.  Make a date with her based on both your scheadules.  You may be expecting her to be there for you when you are free and shes not.

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