In your dreams
Its hard, because I know the answere to this problem and everything else. I feel Really bad because I think I hurt a guy I like. I got really sick last year and for those first two weeks afterwards I wasn't avoiding him, I was just so weak I couldn't make it over to him. I was so bad I needed help opening doors and sometimes picking things up. After that I was just really embaressed that I could never tell him. I don't know if he likes me or if he hates me. I know when I was sick, alot of guys were turned off by how week I looked. Some, even now look at me with disgust. I supose my personality could of been different when I was sick.
Overall I realized that I will never be able to tell him this. Not because of pride, but because something happens where I am not able to reach him. He doesn't sit with me when can, so he might be over me. I just wish him the best, because its been nearly a year and nothing has happened. I know I am afraid to embarasss him.
So I will try to move on and live life. I am not going to let the world "end", but at the same time my heart will always be open to him. I hold no resentment to him at all.
You see I am trying this patience thing out. I have found out that (not through him) not forgiving something no matter what it is, is not worth the torture I put my self through(related to him). You see was this other problem where I had held such resentment in my heart that I was unable to let him in and once I realized that he was more then a guy I could just flurt with, he was gone.
So I will take my battle wounds and show my scars. want to live life and the guilt i developed from my secret was killing me. He thought I had secrets, but Ihad only one. One which only one person was able to help me through it. I could never tell any one, but it is over now.
I hope some day I find love, the perfect kind, the kind of patience and exeptance. Never judging and peaceful. For that is the third thing we strive for in life. The second is finding our selves. the first is being as beatiful as we can in God's eyes. With out these, happyness is relative.
Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic
The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;