»
Discussion
»
Feelings
»
I know who I am, do you know who you are?
| Feelings |
|
I know who I am, do you know who you are? |
|
|
doreen_peri
Unregistered
MemberPosts 180 |
Properly-formatted Lines- Or I know who I am, do you know who you are? I had a feeling I wanted to post this tonight somewhere so I decided I'd post in in a forum called "feelings" given that I had a feeling I wanted to post this tonight somewhere. I understand wanting to make sure lines are formatted correctly and all that. I remember having this problem before when I wanted to publish some work. But I get overwhelmed with trying to go from application to application and saving attached files so I can find them again. Screwed up spacing and scrambled letters are no good! That's for sure! I'm here to tell you who I am. I wish I knew. I'll do the best I can to fill you in with a little bit about me but keep in mind that I'm iffy about all of it. My memory is probably fading right along with my sense of autonomy. I was born in 1965 on one of the highways leading a suburb of New York City, not quite yet near upstate New York, but instead, much closer to Hoboken, New Jersey. No wait. That wasn't me. That was a friend of mine who I haven't seen in about 15 years. Lemme think. Oh yeah. I was born in 1971 in the back seat of my mother's car. Her husband at the time was rushing her to the hospital because I wanted to come out so bad but her body wasn't able to handle the darn experience slowly enough. He wasn't my father. He was just trying to help. But they didn't make it. This was in the foothills of the Ozarks somewhere. They never told me the exact location but I know her husband owned a Porsche. A red one. 1968. He had rebuilt it starting from a Volkswagon engine but he didn't do the body work himself. He paid his cousin, Joel, to do it. The car had been involved in an accident prior to that and was somewhat of a collectors item, especially because some famous celebrity who had a reputation for floozing around with other famous celebreties used to own the vehicle but I can't remember her name, though she was well known for being a not-so-well-known disco singer at the time. No wait! That's a lie. I'm sorry. I graduated from high school in 1971. That's the truth, really. I'm old. But not as old as my older sisters. They graduated several years earlier than I did but they weren't born in the back of a famous Porsche like that and their father wasn't my mother's husband either, so I'm one up on them.  OK. So, now I'm on a roll. Let's start from the beginning, shall we? (Don't you hate it when people say "shall we" when they really mean, "shall I?" or "shan't I?" or "should I?" or something else entirely but they have no ability to articulate it? I do. But what I hate worse is when they say something which is quite articulate but means so little that they even admit they don't know what it means. Like now, for instance.) *whew* So, it was 19 hundred and some year back when I was born and Mom, she was a fashion plate of sorts. Plus, she was really married to my father, not the other guy in the Porsche who was driving her to deliver a baby because I made that up. No, that's not what happened at all to my Mom. It might have happened to that other guy's wife or something but I wasn't there so I truly have no right to report it like this. But I am anyway, just to get to the point. My Mom... well, she wore platform shoes and hats and worked at a movie theater selling tickets. Her stockings had seams up the back. She wanted to be a journalist, a photo-journalist, actually, but she didn't own a camera so she never made it in that field, though she tended to memorize the pictures she wanted to take but wasn't able to take and tell me about them. No wait! That was my grandmother. Or yours. I never can get those two ladies straight. Did your grandmother wear stockings with seams up the back? Black ones? Maybe that was my sister-in-law's grandmother – the sister of my first husband who worked as an agent for the government. Not our government. I mean, not the government of the U S of A, but the some other governement somewhere in the world but I don't know which one because he didn't have the opportunity to tell me since it was considered Top Secret at the time. Oh geez... I don't have this right yet. That wasn't the sister of my first husband, that was the sister of my second husband who swore to me over and over that he didn't have a sister to begin with because he was bound by laws which he refused to explain since they weren't the laws of this country but they were the laws, instead, of his parent's country where he was born. He called that country "the old country." Hold on. I'm getting confused here. Let me think for a minute. I tell you what. It's going to take more than a minute because it's already after 3AM and I haven't finished remembering about my ex-husband's family (neither of them) and which car I wasn't in when I wasn't born out of the loins of a lady who wasn't my mother after all. The path and physics of telling a story like this is way beyond me. I need to do an analysis. I mean, I need an analyist. Or a computer programmer. Or an adminstrative assistant, at the very least. I was considering hiring an editor to help me sort through my stories so that I could create a memoir but I couldn't afford to pay someone who would work so cheap. Y'know? I'm sure you do. This has been a helluva journey and I'm not so sure how I ended up here but I tell you what, – (mark my words on a chalk board somewhere so you can be sure to erase them later) ... this is no picnic! I mean, just IMAGINE it! Imagine you were born, just like me, at some point in time to parents of no particular distinct characteristics, even though you remembered them quite well from the variety of photographs you had saved through the years and then you became ME, just like that, some 30 or 40 years later and bing bam boom, some dude asks you who you are and what you are and why you are and you have to try to explain it! I mean, just imagine that if you would, ok? Alright. I give up. I'll tell you the truth. I'm a parapalegic 23-year-old graduate student at MIT studying physics and astronomy. I met a man on the internet and he promised me the world and decided to take me into his humble abode and so I traveled all the way across country only to find out he had ulterior motives. Thank goodness! And that's where I live now – along with my second ex-husband's first secretary's cat named Shelly and two totally indescript budgies, one with blue markings and one with green and black, and Wink, my cat who I've had for 14 years who disappeared last week and never came back. I figure it's all cosmic material. I'm a physics major, remember? *sigh* I haven't written that many words in months. As I was writing this, I cracked myself up and threw tomatoes and fruit and veggies at me all at the same time, though I am well aware that tomatoes are both fruit and vegetable, (though fruit is legal and vegetable is legal, too, no matter how you look at the history of the definitions or terms), but I didn't need to bombard myself like that just to get me off the stage. Actually, I'm Doreen. My real last name is not Peri. It is much longer than that but I'm seriously considering legally changing it to Peri since I am around and about it. I am a deft explorer, a rabid questioner, a make-believe lover of earth and air, a cabaret dancer, a theatrical impersonator, a make-shift music-maker and a dolt, attempting to find my way from one dot to the next on a universal pad of paper, wondering why they couldn't get water to the people on day two instead of day 6 or if it got there at all.... And who are YOU? Tell me. I truly do want to know. |
||
| © Copyright 2005 doreen_peri - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Tracey Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808where insanity meets breeding |
Having an identity crisis Dor??? Are ya sure you know who you are??? which car I wasn't in when I wasn't born out of the loins of a lady who wasn't my mother after all. I need to do an analysis. I mean, I need an analyist. Or a computer programmer. Or an adminstrative assistant, at the very least. (mark my words on a chalk board somewhere so you can be sure to erase them later) There are certain people on these boards whose writing I greatly admire, and whose thought processes go way beyond where most of us ever get. You and Serenity are the first to come to mind. I do not always know what in God’s name you’re both talking about, but even then, I’m in awe of the knack you both have of stringing words together so that they just sing on the page. Who am I? A 42 year old, who isn't quite sure that that number is correct. After all, isn't it just last year that I turned 30? No? Well it sure feels like it. I've suffered a bit of an identity crisis, since I was born in Britain but brought to Canada at the tender age of 3 months, and proceeded to live in Canada 3 times and Britain 3 times by the time I was 11. Then moved back to Britain at 21 for a couple of years before finally settling back in Canada. I've had one mother and two fathers in my life ... well, actually, many more than that. They all married 2 or 3 times. The only one I have left is my dad. Technically my step-dad since he wasn't part of my birth, but he's the one that was there throughout my life. My mother was a character unto herself. When she and my father moved to Canada, she decided to go back to England to visit her parents and took me with her. She was homesick and refused to go back. My father kept sending her the money for a plane ticket back, but she kept spending it on everything BUT a plane ticket. By all accounts, it was a year before he finally wisened up and sent her a plane ticket instead of the money. In the meantime, I was doted on by the Irish grand-parents with whom we lived, and who would take me down to their respective pubs (they never went to the same pubs...I don't think they actually liked each other enough to spend that much time together). I swear this is what developed my love of beer and pubs....a pastime that serves me well to this day. These are the same grand-parents for whom I was a bridesmaid when they got married....I swear. Being Irish Catholic they couldn't get a divorce, so they raised a family and had grand-kids before they finally got married...and that was for tax reasons by all accounts. As I say, they didn't really like each other that much. I used to write poetry, but that was before business consumed all of my waking hours. Besides working 50 hours a week on numbers and business plans, I've spent the last 3 years spending an additional 20-30 hours working on an MBA. I miss my creative side and hope it comes back when school is finished in December. I suppose I could get creative with the numbers and business plans, but I saw what happened to those Enron guys...probably not a good plan! I once knew how to love, but I've forgotten how to do that...or maybe not met one again...much to the disappointment of my husband of 3 years and my current boyfriend...both of whom love(d) me way more than is/was good for them. I share a house with no-one, unless you count the occasional cricket....of whom I am deathly afraid. They come in through the back door in my basement (uninvited I assure you), and I'm too much of coward to even kill them. I reached over the bannisters and sprayed the last one with hairspray, hoping that would kill it. It didn't, but the last I checked, it did have a lovely hairdo, with nary a strand out of place. And I too wonder why food, water and rescue didn't get to the good people of New Orleans on day two. I watched CNN and wondered why people in America had to live like third world refugees. And I wonder if my government would have handled it any better...and I'm not so sure they would have. But I know that your people and your troops would have been here pretty damn quick. Good to see you again Dor. I hope you're back to stay You can never win or lose If you don't Run the race Psychedelic Furs - Love My Way |
||
LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
This has been so much fun! I've loved reading both of these, and I'll add mine too! My story isn't quite as exciting. I'm only 20.. although, even now, being 20 feels old! As I told my boyfriend the other day, "20 is damn near 30!". His reply? "Then, so is 40!". I did meet him on the internet, he promised me the world, and well, I haven't given up on him yet! But seriously, he's a good guy. He likes coming to visit. I wish he could come more often. I've only had two boyfriends in my life. There's my current man, and my first boyfriend. I got him when I was 17 and my uncle died. He went to my church and for some reason I leaned on him. He sensed his advantage and took it, although he had a girlfriend on vacation. Lovely stuff. But enough about men! This is supossed to be about me! I'm fat. Not just pudgy, but fat! I've learned to deal with it, with puffing up hills and squeezing into seats. I've lost 7 lbs in 2 weeks. I'm sipping on a slim fast now. Damn, I'm hungry! But it's still fun. When I get thinner, I can run a marathon, or be a professional opera singer! At least, thats what I tell myself when I'm hungry! haha I live in West Virginia. I was born in Kentucky, just because we live ont eh border and the better hospital is a 5 minute drive over there. People who make those 'cute' jokes about my state piss me off. People who go to my school from other states and say bad things about it piss me off even more. I'm now in northern WV, going to school, but I grew up in southern WV. It is quite different. WV is one of those boarder 'southern/northern' states. Not that there isn't any southern influence up here, but it is much deeper back home. I used to have a southern accent. I got rid of it. Some of it was concious, some if it wasn't. It comes back when I go home for break. I'm an English education major. I used to be a music major, but the head of the department told me I had no talent, because I couldn't learn to play a trumpet in two weeks. I know she's just a hateful b..ad word, but I didn't want to BECOME that hateful b...ad word, and thus, I will be a dorky literary mongul. I am much happier. But I still love singing. I'm still in choir. They made me an alto, and I'm still pissed over that. I drive a beetle, and that is the origin of my name. I've been here since I was 14, and I can't imagine my life without PIP. I live with my hamster named Napoleon. He's sleeping, because he's nocturnal. I would be noctunal if school wasn't during the day. My family is too good to me, except for teh constant nagging.. but I guess thats what parents do. I'm basically a nobody college student who has dreams about being somebody. (I need a job, and money! Hire meee!) And I'm loving every minute. Love's a lovely lad His bringing up is beauty Who loves him not is mad For I must pay him duty -Anonymous |
||
Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Good grief but I have missed the Dor Rambles. Look at this one sentence will ya? quote: God love ya Dor! I know who I am finally - took forever but I do, honest I do. Hang in there, it gets way worse, before it ever comes close to better. |
||
|
Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
whoever you are you're still the same as you never were! |
||
|
LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Haha! Mystie, why don't you tell us more? We'd love to hear! Music pours over the sense |
||
|
catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Doreen, that was funny, confusing, and all you. You are a few levels above my brain power, as always. Good to read something a little different than how messed up our country is at the moment(or should I say since 2000 at least). I'd love to read more about everyone here. I write so rarely now that I don't come here often, but as the news is too depressing, and I am not working much, here I be... I'm old too, and in some weird denial about the actual number of years I have to attach to myself. Swear I remember 17 like yesterday. Hm. But now yesterday, I can't say too much about. How's that for messed up. Come on everyone, lets get some real bios in here, (I will if you will) Sandra |
||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Hi Doreen!! It's really good to read you again. You are an original goofball!!  |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
This brings back the "salad" days... remember your onion poem, the one I wrote for you? LOL... |
||
|
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
And all this time I thought I knew you!!!..  |
||
|
doreen_peri
Unregistered
MemberPosts 180 |
Tracey - If my thought processes go beyond what most never get, then I'm moving forward in a direction I never knew I was going in which is a darn good thing because I didn't get the direction I was originally going in. Thanks! And I like serenity's stuff, too, (though I haven't read it in ages but I put some of the stuff I did read before on my Studio Eight website here - http://studioeight.tv/writers/karensoliwitch/karensoliwitch.html - Great reading about your life! Thanks for letting me take a peak into it! You sure know how to write a story! Do you write stories, too, or only poetry? Either way, you should get back to it! Your creative side needs a voice! Best wishes on the MBA. Good to see you again, too! hi LoveBug! - Well, I thought your story was exciting! I hope your guy comes to visit you more often, too! Slimfast tastes yuck.... try pickles. Really. They fill you up and they taste good, too and have little to no calories. And they help ya pucker! I wish you the best with your English education degree! Teaching English is an excellent occupation! There are so many people who don't know how to speak or write correctly. I had some English teachers who I remember so fondly and who influenced me a lot – made me realize that having a passion for the language is an honorable thing... (no matter how terribly I hack it... since it's the passion that matters most! See how much being an English major got me? ha! I was one, too.) A beetle and a hampster? You live a very full life! *smile* Loved your story!  We're neighbors, btw. I live in Virginia only about an hour from the WV panhandle.MysteriousOne -Was I rambling? Uh oh! I was so hoping to relay my life story, succinctly, precisely, and without an iota of fiction. God loves me, too? My goodness! Who knew? Thank you thank you! I feel so much better now. *smile*Rebel- Yes, but I'm no longer similar to what I never was, though I've always been the same as I never would have been. Hi Sandra!- Weird denial? I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now! Good to see you, Sandra! You want REAL bios? That would be great but I'd be happy, too, if they all made one up. I did. *smile* How 'bout you? Wanna share? *smile* Martie!- I had to look it up. "goofball: * noun: a man who is a stupid incompetent fool" Just wait a minute there! I am NOT a man! heh... Good to see you, my friend. I'd like to read you again, too! Sunshine - Caesar or spinach? Could I get you some grated parmesan cheese with that? Oh, and of course I remember that poem.... It very much a-peeled to me! Thank you! Nan! - Well, you DID know me but that was before you knew that what you thought you knew wasn't what you knew you knew and so, I had to fill you in with the rest, y'know? *smile* |
||
|
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
LOL, I really have missed your running streams. It's a rare talent that can spew so much onto the plate and make it come out so appetizing!  I always loved your outer spaciness.  |
||
|
latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
Doreen_Peri, see how confused we can all become? I meant to write a post on this thread and found I had actually started a new one. Again,I did something other than I meant to do. LOL, martyjo |
||
|
latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
Doreen_Peri' this is jo perry. Thought I'd read your post to learn who you were. I learned you used to be but no longer seem to be fully here.. Also soon learned I wasn't reading what you meant to say ~ only what I thought I read and thought I understood. If like me you often write with meaning...but no one seems to understand because what they read is not what you intended to say, then we are kin of the nth degree. may I extend a welcome back, martyjo |
||
|
sandgrain Member Elite
since 1999-09-21
Posts 3662Sycamore, IL, USA |
I read this in a hurry one day but had to come back and enjoy it all again. This is my REAL bio. I was first my parents 'youngest' then my husband's 'wife'. I was the 'new clerk' in the office, then the 'correspondence clerk' and finally the top dog's 'sect'y.' Then I became a 'new mom', Randy, Rhonda and Ramona's mom, later Rebecca and Rod's mom. After becoming a licensed Realtor, I was addressed as the real estate lady for 14 or more years. Then I felt so refreshed after working in our local bank for a year or more to hear one woman say, "You're the bank lady." Since RA forced me to quit there in '96, the only outside work I've done is election judge, but I've yet to be called the election lady, so maybe I'm just nothing anymore. Well, my husband has a few names, but we don't have to get into that. LOL |
||
|
nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
You'all make me smile....my real life is more than enough and can match any tale M |
||
|
latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
Sandgrain named her children. “ Became a 'new mom', Randy, Rhonda and Ramona's mom, later Rebecca and Rod's mom” all names beginning with the letter R. Made me wonder how many name their "kids" with names starting with the same letter and if it was intentional or random happenstance. I have three daughters named, Janet, Joanne and Jaclyn. My brother has David; Doreen; Dianne; Dennis and Debby. My aunt had David, Dennis and Donald. My niece has Jessica, John, and Jill. I know my daughter’s names were not planned to all start with a J although I am also a J. (jo) Made me wonder how many name their "kids" with names starting with the same letter and if it was intentional or random happenstance. |
||
|
Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
What, just one name? Robin Renee Rebecca Rae Ronald Ryan |
||
|
inot2B Member Elite
since 2000-09-18
Posts 2205Arkansas |
I started out as someones mistake, to only become the child of who knows. From there I stepped into being someones wife, who to be complete must become the mother of the three. Years have come and gone and I've finally found my path. I'm not a follower, neither will I lead, for I am the one who walks alone if only in my mind. So good to be able to read you again! |
||
|
Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Doreen~ Of course seeing you here reminded me of - /pip/Forum69/HTML/001342.html Love you gal~  *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, |
||
|
Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
(; Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic |
||
|
Tim Senior Member
since 1999-06-08
Posts 1794 |
Back in high school I knew a girl by the name of Doreen. Well, I guess that is qualified by what you mean by knew. I did not know her in a biblical sense. I was going through my agnostic stage in high school although I suppose you can know someone biblically even if you are not a believer. As I recall, Doreen was a baptist. Doreen the Baptist. Now that I think about it, her name wasn't Doreen. It was Maureen. If a nickname for Maureen is Mo, is a nickname for Doreen "Do"? In any event, although I tried to get Mo into the back seat of my car, I am pretty sure she wasn't born in the back seat of a car, ergo, you must be a different Doreen. |
||
|
sandgrain Member Elite
since 1999-09-21
Posts 3662Sycamore, IL, USA |
Ron, the names interested me. Are they your children? Anyone remember Burger King one Chistmas had little reindeer named Randy, Rhonda, Ramona and I think Rod? A friend of mine said when she saw the ad on tv, she jumped off the couch yelling, "Those are Rae's kids!" She swore I must know someone who wrote their ads or be connected in some way. |
||
|
Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
quote: Yep. |
||
|
inot2B Member Elite
since 2000-09-18
Posts 2205Arkansas |
I use to think I wanted to know who I was, but then decided it wasn't that important. Still working on who I will become, in my next life. So glad to read your ponderings. Have missed it. |
||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
*chuckle* I'm too busy trying to figure out who everybody else is... |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
