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Passions in Poetry

Love.....

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Kaoru
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where the wild flowers grow


0 posted 08-08-2005 10:18 AM       View Profile for Kaoru   Email Kaoru   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kaoru

This is a long story that I have hardly any time to tell...

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now..most of that time was spent with me pregnant, then having a child. As with a lot of relationships, things go sour, even with children involved.

When my boyfriend and I first met, he introduced me to one of his friends, which I had an instant attraction to. Not for his looks, just for him as he is. At that point I didn't think of my boyfriend as anything but someone I was dating, and kept considering his friend as someone I'd prefer to be with long term.

As I began to put these thoughts into some sort of plan, I found out I was pregnant, and that changed everything. I had to take my otherwise strong feelings and put them aside, so I controlled them and stuffed them away somewhere.

After a month or so into my pregnancy, my boyfriend began to show his true colors. At first I thought he was just nervous, but he's been this way up until now..Arrogant, insulting, lazy, controlling. He often times makes fun of me in front of his friends, he sleeps in a seperate bed and tells me he thinks feelings and love are infantile. He doesn't believe in anniversaries or holidays, so there is no romance or pleasant suprises to look forward to. He wants me to work while he goes to school, juggle Freyja and work...I just can't seem to think that there's anything fantastic about him like I did when he was pretending. He gets worse and worse every day.

That caused me to begin feeling love for his friend again...but this time it doesn't seem like I can control it even if I want to.. I can't sleep, or eat..I can't stop thinking about it. I love him, I have felt for him for almost 2 years and I just want to tell him...but I know he's my boyfriend's friend, and he'd never feel for me even if he wanted to...he's a good friend to my boyfriend, even though my boyfriend is a crappy friend to him..

I don't know if I should just tell him anyway or not..I just don't know what to do..I feel like this is all so childish of me..

I don't know what to do!
wranx
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1 posted 08-08-2005 11:50 AM       View Profile for wranx   Email wranx   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for wranx

Your feelings for the "friend" notwithstanding, the fella you are with now seems to be but a child, himself.
And unwilling to grow up

Rather than a mate/woman/wife/partner, the lad wants a mommy. Someone to bear the burden. But, its the disrespect that should concern you even more. I would bet he treats his "real" mother much the same.

Just things as I see it, and lord knows I'm no expert on "relationships"

But, like most things, if there is pain without gain, the exercise is pointless, merely hurtful.

All the best Meg!

In your life, you and Freya come FIRST!
Mysteria
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2 posted 08-08-2005 01:18 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

I tried so hard to keep my fingers shut!  

As I told another friend not too long ago, I run my life on this premise Meg, "I start where I want to finish."  I have had bad marriage(s) myself so lord knows I am no authority either but I learned a lot from them.  I do know one thing for sure, that now if it doesn't feel good for me, I won't do it period.

YOU and Freya do come first, and your happiness will surely mold part of who she eventually becomes, and that is a fact of the responsibility you now have.  Our children live what they see at home and were taught and are so intuitive to our feelings.

Remember how it felt to put your feelings on hold when you were having the baby, and then think about this one thing - you could have a lifetime living like that with a control freak.  Trust me when I tell you that really sucks!  Being what another person wants you to be, is not being true to yourself, or anyone else for that matter, and living a lie is a horrible way to live for anyone.

I think the first step is to find out if this person feels the same way about you, and your daughter?  

I know you feel really at the bottom of the totem pole, living in the environment you do with his family, but hopefully it is only temporary?  Do you think this could this be causing some problems in both of you and how you feel?  He has told you who he is Meg, now it is up to you to figure if you want to wake up beside him for the rest of your life "as he is" for they never change from what they show and tell you they are, and that goes for women too.  

I wish you all the best in whatever you do, and you are NOT childish feeling the way you do, love makes us child-like and wonderfully giddy.  Love is a wonderful thing!
  

Greeneyes
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In Your Poetic Mind


3 posted 08-08-2005 02:16 PM       View Profile for Greeneyes   Email Greeneyes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Greeneyes

I think the first step is to find out if this person feels the same way about you, and your daughter?  


____________
that is sound advice.... secondly it does not seem your boyfriend has any concern for you, even though he may be the babies father, do you want to subject freyja to a relationship or a lifetime  where love is not expressed?

cut your loss Meg, you can't change him....you and Freyja are WORTH more then that! Ed is right in your life, you and the baby must come first ALWYAYS!

follow your heart

heart hugssss in understanding and good luck....


In your light I learn how to love
In your beauty how to make poems
You dance inside my chest where
no one sees you and that sight becomes this art
Sunshine
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4 posted 08-08-2005 02:58 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

"cut your loss Meg"...

Sound and sounder advice.
Janet Marie
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5 posted 08-08-2005 03:25 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

you already have a child to raise...you dont need to be babysitting her daddy too...
he needs a reality check...hes a father now...like it or not hes legally bound to provide for her, even if you two arent a couple anymore... as a single mother, there are many resources available to you..agencies that will help you, use them, secure whatever future assistance you can for her and move forward, dont settle for someone who is this selfish and immature. Maybe in time he will realize the gift he has in her and want to do better...until then...you have every reason to provide security for her and build a happy future for you both.
sandgrain
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6 posted 08-08-2005 04:04 PM       View Profile for sandgrain   Email sandgrain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for sandgrain

My daughter married, had a son, suffered beatings, abandonment, etc.  Left him, got back together after apologies and promises, had a 2nd son, beatings, poverty, etc.  Left him.  Got back together assured he'd make real changes and efforts.  He got a job, drank up the paychecks and beat her while she was expecting their 3rd, a beautiful little girl.  She came home to live with us again, back with him, another pregnancy and beatings.  Moved in with us again, had a beautiful baby girl.  
He lived with his sister until she put him out.  Enlisting his teen nephew, his sister's house was burned.  Ex-son-in-law is serving his prison term and our daughter's had and is still having a real time of it,  as she's had not one nickle from him for support ever.  

She's not the only one this type thing has happened to.  THINK, long and hard very soon.

   (((((Hugs)))))
        Rae
Sunshine
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7 posted 08-08-2005 04:36 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

quote:
my boyfriend began to show his true colors. ... .Arrogant, insulting, lazy, controlling.

Let's hope Freyja received most of her gene pool from YOU...and that she will realize just how smart her mother was when she realizes the sacrifices you made by leaving, and getting on with your lives...

ctowen
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8 posted 08-08-2005 07:01 PM       View Profile for ctowen   Email ctowen   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit ctowen's Home Page   View IP for ctowen

I am not talking about personal experiences .... but for what I have seen as a whole ....

.... follow your heart ....

softly, so as not to miss a step
swiftly inorder to make a good decision
    before a bad one is made for you.

I have watched couples of many ages, from beginning to ends, and beyond ....

those that find true happiness say it was in their hearts

those that find themselves unhappy .... wish upon their hearts


               .... be sure of your heart, it will do right by you!


CT
Mysteria
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9 posted 08-08-2005 08:00 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

Oh, one little thing - it is only fear that keeps us from moving forward, that I also know from experience.  Once I took the first step, wow the second and third were a piece of cake.  Meg, there are so many resources in place to help single moms now, so don't ever think you are in the only space you can be in, deserve to be in, or trapped in, you do have choices honest!  It's making one that is hard.

Now how's about a picture of that sweet little girl?  I haven't seen her in a while and I bet she is growing like a weed.  True fact, her future truly being molded by you right now, and in your hands, which sound capable to me.
wranx
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Moved from a shack to a barn


10 posted 08-08-2005 08:23 PM       View Profile for wranx   Email wranx   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for wranx

Oh! The title of the thread is "Love"

About that...

Finding love is a minor miracle in itself.
A thing, not for the lazy, the arrogant or the self-indulgent.

Keeping it is an avocation, a labor to be enjoyed.

So? you'd do well to move on. Perhaps finding someone to enjoy.

BTW, there's nothing like having to pony up monthly child support to put an end to laziness.

Again, all the best Meg.  
littlewing
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11 posted 08-08-2005 11:14 PM       View Profile for littlewing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for littlewing

the both of you deserve way better than that and I feel like kicking his *** for treating you guys that way.

trust me, I know - ask them up there . . .

Meg, you must do what you believe in and what is best for you and your child.  

That is all.
Local Rebel
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12 posted 08-08-2005 11:44 PM       View Profile for Local Rebel   Email Local Rebel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Local Rebel

I think it's paramount that you separate the issues of what you're going to do re; boyfriend and potential boyfriend... they are decisions that are independent from one another.

Please treat them that way .. you'll come out better in the end.

Susan Caldwell
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13 posted 08-09-2005 08:29 AM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell

Meg?  The only thing I want to add is this..

Clean up the business with your current boyfriend FIRST.  You need to take care of that and take care of you and the baby, first.

Once you are settled and doing things on your own...then you should address the issue of his friend if your feelings are still the same.  

much love.  

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

LeeJ
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14 posted 08-09-2005 09:59 AM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

But, its the disrespect that should concern you even more. I would bet he treats his "real" mother much the same.
__________________________________________

I cannot tell you the instant affection I feel for Wranx's comment, it's refreshing to see a man understands, without getting defensive of men...as there are some very confident and wonderful men out there, who are not looking for a mommie/wife...just to take care of them.

All of the above are very inspirational to your need at the moment, and I believe you already answered your own questions...you already knew...hugs

adding...unconditional love, doesn't mean a love of disrespect and immaturity must be accepted...

adding only this

If I may, I suggest, you try talking to the one your with, before going else where, and if and when you know in your heart, you've concentrated all your efforts and there is no change in site, then you will both have to sit down and have a heart to heart.

In the meantime...don't move on your emotions for the other fella...not now, not fair to he or you or the one your with, if you do, I'm afraid there will be no future worth working for...and it could stagnate all of you, your growths.

Your a wise young lady and I'm so honored to know one as yourself.

Hugs and good luck...
Lee J.
Marilyn
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15 posted 08-09-2005 01:29 PM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

I spent 10 years in a abusive marriage. The kids suffer more then you do. I would look at aother relationship secordary to getting yourself and your daughter out of the one your in.

If this other guy is as good as you think he is, he will know what his best friend is like and respect you for finally sticking up for yourself.

Marilyn.
Kaoru
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16 posted 08-09-2005 06:17 PM       View Profile for Kaoru   Email Kaoru   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kaoru

Thank you all for your kind words. I understand now what should be done.. There are a lot of things more important than my love for another man. I have a beautiful daughter that I intend to put before anything else.

This other man loves her, by the by. I know that it is not a priority for me to jump into a love situation right now, and it is hard because emotions are very powerful things.. but so are intelligent decisions.
Lady In White
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17 posted 08-09-2005 08:06 PM       View Profile for Lady In White   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lady In White

Meghan, this last post of yours...speaks growth.

Go, and thrive!
JesusChristPose
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18 posted 08-09-2005 08:38 PM       View Profile for JesusChristPose   Email JesusChristPose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JesusChristPose

"Please remedy my confusion..."

Well...

Pull me down again!

~ Not too many people that I come across, in fact none whom I meet in person, quote Mikael from Opeth...

... just had to comment on that.

Good luck to you!



"I have gone away. The bed is cold and empty. Trees bend their boughs toward the earth. And nighttime birds float as black faces."

timothysangel1973
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19 posted 08-10-2005 01:55 AM       View Profile for timothysangel1973   Email timothysangel1973   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit timothysangel1973's Home Page   View IP for timothysangel1973

Meg

I have had my share of bad relationships and a bad marriage.  It takes a lot to kill a persons love, and trust me sometimes we hang on for reasons that only WE can understand.  Sometimes what we see in the beginning is NOTHING compared to what we get when everything is said and done.  Responsibility is a really BIG thing.  Having a child will (and should) teach you that, yet there are alot of people that never catch on.  

It's sad that your boyfriend can't look at you and that baby and want nothing more but the best for you.  I know what you're going through because I was there myself for almost 10 years.  Hell, my anniversary was ON Valentines day and he forgot it.  If that ain't pathetic I dont know what is lol

Now... well, divorce must've taught him something cause he takes his Fiance on vacations, nice dinners, shopping sprees and all kinds of other stuff.  

It used to make me really mad that he wasn't there for me and my two children, but one day it just didn't matter to me anymore that she was getting what I never did.  That is when I looked at my life and what I DID have as opposed to what he didn't give me and there they were...

Two innocent children that needed their mommy no matter what.

I beleive that as a mother you decide to put your happiness on hold until that child can survive in this world without constant care or assistance from you.

I have learned how to look at all the crappy minutes in my life when I wanna run away and be free and single and kidless... and take them for what they are - BLESSINGS that I could have very well been cheated out of.

It's hard to love someone and keep it too yourself, and even harder to be with someone and not be able to LOVE yourself, or that person.

But... no matter what, that little one needs you and she needs you as a whole person.  As long as you feel the way you do then you are not giving her all of you and thats not fair to her.  She knows nothing of the complications of this life yet, and all she sees is mommy and daddy and doesn't realize all the in betweens.

Never stay with a person UNLESS you love them and they love you back.

The night before I got married I got really scared because I was 18 and still a kid myself with a little person growing under my heart.  I was crying and ready to back out and someone said to me "that baby needs a father."

Ten years later, carrying two kids on my hip and a heart full of broken dreams I realized that they could have had a father without me sentencing myself to 10 years in prison with an abusive man.

That was bad advice - and I was dumb enough to take it.  

I believe that children see you just as clearly when you are unhappy as they do when you are full of joy.  Mine lived in hell with me and we all hurt together.

So, in the end, you choose what is best for her, but only YOU know what this person (the boyfriend) is really like.  Don't choose to stay or leave because someone else says its the right thing to do.

DO what is in your heart... and be okay with your choice when you lay your head down at night.

Hugs and best wishes
Tima

The Captive Heart www.imaginedezines.com/poetry
LoveBug
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20 posted 08-10-2005 02:00 PM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

Hehe, everyone in this thread is SO much stronger than me. We have so many strong ladies here, and I'm proud to know you all.

Listen to them, dear. You know what you have to do. I know it'll hurt like hell... but we're here for you too. Please take care.

Love's a lovely lad
His bringing up is beauty
Who loves him not is mad
For I must pay him duty
-Anonymous

Kaoru
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21 posted 08-10-2005 02:13 PM       View Profile for Kaoru   Email Kaoru   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kaoru

Timo, your advice speaks volumes, you have no idea... Thank you.
littlewing
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22 posted 08-11-2005 05:54 PM       View Profile for littlewing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for littlewing

you already knew what to do anyhow, silly. Your a mommy . . . *grin*
gemjop
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23 posted 08-11-2005 08:30 PM       View Profile for gemjop   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for gemjop

Meg, You're one of the people on here whose posts and udates i look forward to. The words you use in your poetry in particular have always had such depth, emotionally, that it makes me feel weird inside that i imagine you being with someone who thinks love and feelings are stupid. Who can't show them.

If he feels/behaves like this towards you, he may, i'm not saying will, carry this on to the rest of his family members. I know this well, my dad is the coldest most emotionless man you could ever meet, to every member of his family. He disregards emotion, affection and respect for his wife, and just as much to me.

He may well be a good father to Freyja, and i hope he always will be, we don't know what goes on beyond what you've written, but he's not giving YOU anything near to what you need, let alone want.

It makes me want to die inside for you, because it seems i know the kind of man you're dealing with, down to every last detail you've described. (as i'm sure many people here also do.) Even the fact that he sleeps in a seperate bed just says it all. Emotionally inept. You could probably cry and scream in his face and he'd say nothing.

I have no shame in saying to you, don't put yourself through years of this, like my mother regrets so much now, infact, she's still there with him, desperate to be loved and touched, respected, to feel some kind of warmth. simple things, but impossible for people like them.

They never seem to thaw out. no matter how long you wait.

Freyja is gorgeous meg, love the new pictures! And so are you. You both deserve to be shown love, in the simplest of ways.

I hope that one day, however long it may be, that you make moves towards anything other than this limbo. Judging from your replies, its something you're considering.

And this bloke? Tell him one day. but after.


keep us posted meg, we care about you.

gemjop
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24 posted 08-11-2005 08:41 PM       View Profile for gemjop   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for gemjop

And! haha....

an incentive for you....so as not to disregard the intense feelings you spoke about up at the top....

The sooner you sort out this relationship, the sooner you can possibly spill the feelings you have for this other man like you sound like you're dying to!

haha! good luck (?) I don't know as i believe in that,scrap that, good ...? Good incentives! hurrah!

x
 
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