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Who comes first?
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Who comes first? |
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skyshine 
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058Beneath the northern stars 
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I've always been taught that in marriage, the husband and wife are supposed to love each other first (second only to God, if you're religious). Then come the kids, the reasoning being that you don't spend the rest of your life with your kids, you spend it with your husband/wife. I know this doesn't mean that you can just always focus on your spouse and not your children, but rather that if you were asked to make a list of who is important in your life, your answer would be, "My spouse." Get what I'm saying? Last night, a friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend for two reasons: because she wanted to be involved in modeling and he didn't want her to, and because she thought that she should be more important than his son (this girl is not the mother of the child). I mean, he does have every right to do that if she's being selfish and didn't care about the baby (even though it isn't her child), but then why does he expect her to not do certain things for HIS sake? If he's expecting her to not be a model because he doesn't like it, isn't that expecting her to put him and his wishes first? And since he isn't putting her first, why should she do the same? ~sky They way you live your life is up to you, but dying is NOT an option!! |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
they are both wrong. at least in my way of thinking...he should trust and support her in what she wants to do, and sorry, but his kid does come first, they aren't married.....period. My kids and my husband come first, sometimes, it's the kids that come first, other times it's the hubby...it just depends on what is going on and who needs me....and for what...it's my family.  I can't always put my husband first, but I do above anyone outside my family. I just think they are both wrong and it sounds to me like it was a good thing they broke up. |
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Cloud 9 Senior Member
since 2004-11-05
Posts 980Ca |
Nice wording SEA. |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
I agree SEA...besides there must not have been enough love and trust between the two to work it out... M |
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Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
People who don't put themselves first are ultimately of little good to anyone. While love is certainly an important reason to be together, I don't think it should ever be the ONLY reason to be together. People chasing different dreams are inevitably going to go in different directions, not all of which will be compatible. Recognizing that before a relationship becomes a commitment is both selfish and, I think, very wise. |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
"People who don't put themselves first are ultimately of little good to anyone. " I do agree... that is why I get days off, not many, but enough to recharge and feel human again...it's not always that easy to put yourself first, when you have a family. |
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PhaerieChild Senior Member
since 1999-08-30
Posts 1787Aloha, Oregon |
She wants to model. He doesn't want her to.. (for what reason?) She thought she should be more important than the son.. (is she helping to raise son?). Is her modeling going to interfere with his raising of his son? Does he have custody? Is he looking for a Mommy for his kid? She is not the mother and probably feels that bio-mom should be taking care of baby anyway. Lot of questions arise from this type of situation. They need to learn to share and compromise. Not everybody gets to be first all of the time. It's probably a good thing that they broke up as neither of them sound all that mature to begin with. In our house, it goes by whoever needs to be first most "at the moment" gets to be. It's a two-way street, a compromise, a lot of little things. Changes happen quickly and so does who-gets-to-be-at-the-top-of-the-totem-pole today. Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we might as well dance. |
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