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Who comes first?

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skyshine
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Beneath the northern stars


0 posted 04-19-2005 03:00 PM       View Profile for skyshine   Email skyshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit skyshine's Home Page   View IP for skyshine

I've always been taught that in marriage, the husband and wife are supposed to love each other first (second only to God, if you're religious). Then come the kids, the reasoning being that you don't spend the rest of your life with your kids, you spend it with your husband/wife. I know this doesn't mean that you can just always focus on your spouse and not your children, but rather that if you were asked to make a list of who is important in your life, your answer would be, "My spouse." Get what I'm saying? Last night, a friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend for two reasons: because she wanted to be involved in modeling and he didn't want her to, and because she thought that she should be more important than his son (this girl is not the mother of the child). I mean, he does have every right to do that if she's being selfish and didn't care about the baby (even though it isn't her child), but then why does he expect her to not do certain things for HIS sake? If he's expecting her to not be a model because he doesn't like it, isn't that expecting her to put him and his wishes first? And since he isn't putting her first, why should she do the same?

~sky


They way you live your life is up to you, but dying is NOT an option!!
SEA
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with you


1 posted 04-19-2005 03:43 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

they are both wrong. at least in my way of thinking...he should trust and support her in what she wants to do, and sorry, but his kid does come first, they aren't married.....period. My kids and my husband come first, sometimes, it's the kids that come first, other times it's the hubby...it just depends on what is going on and who needs me....and for what...it's my family.   I can't always put my husband first, but I do above anyone outside my family.

I just think they are both wrong and it sounds to me like it was a good thing they broke up.
Cloud 9
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since 11-05-2004
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Ca


2 posted 04-19-2005 04:32 PM       View Profile for Cloud 9   Email Cloud 9   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cloud 9

Nice wording SEA.
nakdthoughts
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since 10-29-2000
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Between the Lines


3 posted 04-19-2005 05:33 PM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

I agree SEA...besides there must not have been enough love and trust between the two to work it out...

M
Ron
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since 05-19-99
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4 posted 04-19-2005 08:11 PM       View Profile for Ron   Email Ron   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ron's Home Page   View IP for Ron

People who don't put themselves first are ultimately of little good to anyone.

While love is certainly an important reason to be together, I don't think it should ever be the ONLY reason to be together. People chasing different dreams are inevitably going to go in different directions, not all of which will be compatible. Recognizing that before a relationship becomes a commitment is both selfish and, I think, very wise.
SEA
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5 posted 04-19-2005 08:36 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

"People who don't put themselves first are ultimately of little good to anyone. "

I do agree... that is why I get days off, not many, but enough to recharge and feel human again...it's not always that easy to put yourself first, when you have a family.
PhaerieChild
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since 08-30-99
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Aloha, Oregon


6 posted 04-19-2005 10:35 PM       View Profile for PhaerieChild   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for PhaerieChild

She wants to model. He doesn't want her to.. (for what reason?) She thought she should be more important than the son.. (is she helping to raise son?). Is her modeling going to interfere with his raising of his son? Does he have custody? Is he looking for a Mommy for his kid? She is not the mother and probably feels that bio-mom should be taking care of baby anyway. Lot of questions arise from this type of situation. They need to learn to share and compromise. Not everybody gets to be first all of the time. It's probably a good thing that they broke up as neither of them sound all that mature to begin with.
In our house, it goes by whoever needs to be first most "at the moment" gets to be. It's a two-way street, a compromise, a lot of little things. Changes happen quickly and so does who-gets-to-be-at-the-top-of-the-totem-pole today.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we might as well dance.

 
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