I've got to stand with Denise, Mysteria, & Barry on this one!
Also, if it has comes to the issue, that you feel you must check up on him, then, there is and has been a problem already. Remember, ommission is the same as a lie.
Don't trade your values or beliefs or try to justify behavior that does not fit into your moral adgenda....intimacy is and can be a very beautiful & positively spiritual journey....yet a very privet union, between two people who love each other and respect each other, without outside stimulous.
Way to much emphasis is put on SEX today, nothing is left sensual...delicate, honorable, and responsibility for the hearts of others involved and thinking of them first is becoming vastly lost, not to mention, conscience.
We can take any issue and convince ourselves with statistics to back up our thoughts, but when it comes down to the nitty gritty, one must ask themselves, could I really live with this person, do I really want to believe in things I do not approve of...or try to become someone I am not?
Eventually, you will resent yourself, as you chip away at your identity, to justify his actions....love "is" trust, without any question...and yes, porn is cheating, to me, anyway, and I wouldn't be able to conform to that life style...
If trust is broken, it is very hard to mend. Once you've come this far, it opens the mind to other questions & contamination of the relationship...just how far would he or has he gone?
Follow your intuition, that gut feeling inside....don't ignore the flags for a love, you thought you have, you want a love you know, intamently, one which values you so much so, that no one else would do
Don't ask others for approval for your feelings...as we all have different ideals about the way we live our lives...what you must understand is this...When you trust yourself, and love yourself, you will be able to choose more responsible candidates for a lifetime companion. Until then, you will "buy" words with no sincerity behind them.
If in your heart, you feel this is wrong...then stand by that moral institution of yours which makes you you! In other words, everyone has a different point of view...doesn't make me right or them wrong...but if I can't stand by my own set of rules, or would compromise them for fear of loosing someone or not being liked, then...who in the world am I? A contridictive mixed up woman who doesn't trust herself and choices.
In the end what matters is...are you both compatible in thought, needs, morals, likes, dislikes, political views, etc....you can't agree on everything & won't, but compatibility surely helps...but this one's a biggy! Intimacy of the mind, can be just as rewarding as physical intimacy and sometimes even better...the more time you spend with someone, the prettier & more attractive, they "should" become...I for one, and I'm simply speaking for myself, have a great need for mental stimulation...physical stimulation I could get anywhere, if I so chose to do so...but mental stimulation and sensuality, makes for a much deeper and spiritual physical intimacy...one journey that you will never ever forget....and will sufice for a lifetime of events.
I don't think this fella respects himself, and if that's true, then he will never understand respect for you...your feelings and needs, and you do have them....needs, which are just as important as his.
Is this cheating....yes, to me it is...but...one can easily convince themselves since it's only a picture, it's not really cheating...
Is sex to him an addiction? If that is true, then please know, these type of people, only feel powerful when they are in bed...they delude themselves into believing that they are the best, b/c they have no confidence in themselves in other areas... Sex to them, is their only source of power, like some people need fast shiny cars or a beautiful young man/woman on their arm...status and prestige...or an addiction to money. In your mind, what is your description of sucess, and it might be a question you'd ask of any candidate whom your trusting your heart with. Your heart, is the greatest investment you will ever make, and when you decide to share that intimate part of self, you'd better make it quite clear, who you are, and what you believe in...no masks...b/c it's better to loose him now, and find someone more compatible to your needs, then 14 years down the road, now effecting the lives of your children.
What do you want? What is good for you? How does this make you feel? What are "your" needs from a relationship? What emotions are most important in a relationship...are his needs the same, does he stimulate you intellectually, will he put anything he might be doing aside to spontaniously do something nice for you? Will he let you choose and does he encourage you to further education, further your growth...does he look at you and smile being kind only when he's horney, or...does he look at you that way...does he brag about his sexual experiences with other woman and/or take so much pride in his, shall we say, experience...gloating?
I've found that men of such are very very insecure...and when it comes down to it, some of them cannot be intimate in any other way...and they are like this with every woman they meet, thinking that every woman who smiles at them, says good morning or strikes up a conversation with them...wants them....yes, they are that insecure, not to mention, great players and liers.
I'm sorry, but this behavior runs a pattern...as does an alcoholic, controller, child or wife abuser...it is a sickness which requires long term theropy...
I felt a need to explain in detail here, because these are things, I believe you already know, but the need for a boyfriend, keeps you in denial. No on can answer these questions, only you know, but make certain, you are honest with yourself, first and foremost.
The fact that you've already asked this question, signfies you already knew the answer before you asked?
I wrote a poem for you today...
Hugs and prayers for you...and yours.