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Passions in Poetry

My fears are getting the best of me...

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where the wild flowers grow

0 posted 05-26-2004 06:40 AM       View Profile for Kaoru   Email Kaoru   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kaoru

  Years ago, my mother was diagnosed with Lupus. For those of you that have no idea what Lupus is, go here, .
  Although she has this under control, I still feel so much fear that she'll get really sick and pass on.. I've always been such a "Mamma's Girl", so this is the biggest fear I've ever had. I'm 19 years old, and I feel like I'd be nothing without her.
  Just recently, my mom has developed the flu, she's been lacking sleep, vomiting, the works. I just don't know how to calm my nerves about this. I know it's probably just a passing thing, but I'm so scared. I feel like I can do nothing to help her, somehow I've lost all knowledge of everything and I've become hopeless. It seems like I've just been so afraid that she'll die, that I've just blocked everything else out to focus on that, and that alone.
  I just know that, I was in her room this morning, and she was in the bathroom being sick, I burst into tears. I didn't want her to see me like that, so I had to leave..

I know, this might be so irrational of me.. I'm really typically not like this at all.. I just love her so much and can't stand the thought of losing her, especially not now...

I don't know what else I can say..
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1 posted 05-26-2004 08:16 AM       View Profile for Michelle_loves_Mike   Email Michelle_loves_Mike   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Michelle_loves_Mike

Irrational,,,no. I turned 33 yeaterday, it hasn't yet been a year since I lost my father (this past October).
I felt like the lowest form of scum, for not being able to be there to say good bye in person.
He fought and beat colon cancer, to be taken down by a bum liver....
I lived in dread of the phone call that did eventually come.
It hurts (beyond hurts) to lose a parent,,,let alone the one you are closest to, and I do hope people understand that statement,,,,,,
The fear of losing them, is something most all of us have had to face.
I guess this reply jumps around a bit, and doesn't make a whole lotta sense, but, I just wanted you to know it's ok to feel scared, age doen't matter on this subject,


I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike

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2 posted 05-26-2004 09:38 AM       View Profile for Ringo   Email Ringo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ringo

Be assured that you are being very much normal. I spent 12 years watching my father fighting, and eventually losing his battle with, brain cancer. During the last year, there were days where he would almost drag himself across the floor and trip on the imaginary dead turtles that would jump out in front of him. Other days he would fall over while sitting on the couch watching TV. Other days where he would literally crawl up the stairs to the bathroom.
I was in my 30's when he was going through that, and even though I had seen my fair share of death, destruction, and illness, There were times where I had to remove myself from the situation to collect myself so no one would see me affected by it.
Losing a parent is something that we are all going to go through at one point in our lives or another. The fact taht you are strong enough to not let your mother see you cry and allow yourself to be strong for her... ESPECIALLY when you are dealing with the pregnancy hormones... shows that you are adult beyond your years.

*Sending healing thoughts and hugs your direction*

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again...

Susan Caldwell
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3 posted 05-26-2004 11:16 AM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell


I can only tell you what helps me through similar thoughts.

I am a denial queen..and although that may be unhealthy at other times it is what gets me through it.  With this in mind, there is no room for any thought other than WHEN she gets over this flu bug...

Focus on getting her over this flu...fluids, doctor visit, whatever it takes.  Take care of her the best you can and remind her of what she needs to do to take the best possible care of about the things you are going to enjoy together, such as the new baby...(I loved baby bath time).  

From what I know of lupus, if your Mom has had it under control like she has, she is a very strong, determined woman...this flu is not going to change that.



"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~
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4 posted 05-26-2004 06:01 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

"My fears are getting the best of me..."


I hate when that happens.


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5 posted 05-26-2004 06:34 PM       View Profile for *Alli4000*   Email *Alli4000*   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for *Alli4000*

I've never had to go through this - but I can imagine what pain your going through.  If you need to talk, I'm here.

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6 posted 05-27-2004 08:51 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Honey, you are partly right when you admit that it could be hormonal - you are pregnant, and your hormones are not what they normally are.  Seeing someone suffering from illness as your mother is going through only compounds the sense of helplessness.

It may take some mental strength, but if you can be there for her when she needs you, then I know you can do it.  It's not easy.  But you can do it.

She raised a good daughter.  She knows she wants her daughter to raise a healthy child.  You need to take care of yourself, and if your mother wants, then she will let you know you can take care of her, too, as you can.  

I will keep you all in my prayers.
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