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Needed: An Emotional Outpour

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MoonlightShadow
Unregistered


Listening to every heart


0 posted 05-09-2004 11:41 PM       Edit/Delete Message     View IP for MoonlightShadow

It's like this...

The whole story began this time last year. No. Even earlier than that. It's been over a year since I've known him. I'll call him Louis, just to for convenience sake. Maybe I should call him Angel...how else could he still be my friend...my Angel.

We met over msn, and it didn't take long before I fell in love with him. Note: fell in love with as distinct from loved...
We met irl several times...my most precious memories...other times, we stayed up all night talking.
Everything was special, everything was perfect! Then I had to go away, to another country, for two months. Of course things went wrong, there was no time for us, there was no place for us.

I read, tonight, the book I wrote during that time...moreorless a journal in the third person. It was overwhelming...

For today, we are good friends We haven't seen each other IRL since that final time last year, before I went away...I'm hoping that that will change soon though. It would be so lovely to see him again. He has a girlfriend now...I'm so happy for him. And her...I hope she realises how truly blessed she is...yet I think the full extent is never realizable until you lose...

I don't really know what I'm trying to say here...I just don't understand how, after all this time, a year on, I can feel this way...still feel so strongly for him. It's been so long, surely it should have faded. I mean, I've dated several guys since the events I've described...nearly got pretty serious with one...and yet here I am...knowing, however much it's silly, that he is still my number one. He was the first guy who ever thought I was special...I treasure that.

Our friendship is so precious to me...I don't want it to be spoiled. If we do see each other irl again...I know that after that it will again be along time before we see each other again...because i have to go away again, abroad. Circumstance has never smiled upon us. Oh well. What matters is that he is happy. And I know he is. He loves his girlfriend dearly and I dare say she loves him...

Anybody understand what I'm meaning by all this? Even I don't know. I just know I care so much about him and I believe we will always be friends...I guess it was just reading that thing I wrote, it reminded me of all those fears and insecurities and things...very ironic: my fear of losing him was probably what made me lose him. For a while. Though I never really lost him...he was there when I was ready to let him be there again. I swear he is such an amazing person. But to him, it's just him, nothing special. Just how he is.

I love him dearly, he is my best friend, my truest friend...that's what I mean by love. Not infatuation. Nor romance. Just love, affection, trust...I trust him more than any other. He knows me more than any other...and he has taken it all in his stride. You've no idea how crazy I've behaved sometimes...and yet he is still my friend...

Sorry for going on and on...I just needed to get all this off my chest! It's 4.40am and I havent been able to sleep, you see. Gonna give it another try....

Thank you for listening, whoever you are.
Opeth
Member Elite
since 12-13-2001
Posts 2224
The Ravines


1 posted 05-09-2004 11:48 PM       View Profile for Opeth   Email Opeth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Opeth

You are welcome  

[This message has been edited by Ron (05-10-2004 05:23 AM).]

MoonlightShadow
Unregistered


The Ravines


2 posted 05-11-2004 04:43 PM       Edit/Delete Message     View IP for MoonlightShadow

Thanks Opeth.
 
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