***I just have something i feel like getting off of my chest.***
I am in the eighth grade. The summer b4 my 7th grade year i went to live with my Father, in hopes we'd get closer. Stupid idea now that i look back on it really. Basically i was used as a babysitter for my step mother. She had had a baby that summer, June 26th, plus my half brother, and half sister, 7 and 4. I baby sat every day alomost. I love my brothers and sisters, but i was pretty much their mother half of the time. For me there was NO SUCH thing as a sociall life really. I fed cody, the baby. I put him to sleep alot, and i cooked dinner too. When cody cried, i held him and rocked him till he stopped. I had no weekends, and forget about after shcool. My step mom told me i was getting paid 2 bucks an hour, and to keep track of it, and she'd pay me.
( total of $450.00 ) not counting money she borrowed from me from my Christmas money, and stuff. Anyways, I went home 4 spring break to visit my mom, and even though i had to babysit all the time i still liked it there because i was close to family, and i had more friends than i would have had here. So i was planning on going back to live with my dad. Eversince i was little, my Mother and Father fought. My mother remarried soon after my father and her split. ( my father had cheated on her.) My father never really wanted anything to do with me at first. Until he got married again. He wasnt there for anything. Not when i was born, and not for about 2 or 3 years after. He has never really paid child supprt, which doesnt really matter to me. He still doesnt spend time with me, even when i lived with him he didnt. We look a lot alike, but thats about all we have in common. Atleast that i know of, i havent ever really gotten to know him at all. We have about the same temper too i guess. I saw that part of him enough to know that. I havent seen him since last spring break, well b4 that anyways. They didnt call on my birthday this last summer, or christmas, or thanksgiving or anything. What happened was, last spring break, my father and step mother, REFUSED to come pick me up. They said that i didnt really wanna come back, and didnt beleive that i wanted to. When i said yea i did, they said they couldnt come pick me up. My mom got mad, and started yelling at them cause i was upset that they were doin that. My father got on the phone later with my mom, and my mom told him that Crystal ( stepmom) owed me $450 and he said i was lying through my teeth about that, and that my mom was a < edit >. I hate that word. I wanted to slap him for saying it. If i would have been in reach of him i dont know what i would have done. I hated him for a long tome, and i did a lot of things because i wanted to hurt him, like he hurt me. I got into drugs, i started smoking, i went to parties, my grades started dropping. My world fell apart. I am still trying to get everything back together. I have been grounded for the last three months, and i havent told anyone except one persone about all that. I havent really been able to talk about it. I know it sounds stupid to feel that way cuz of that, but i REALLY and TRULY hated him for a long time. At first i wanted to please him, so he would love me still, but then i just hated him, and wanted to hurt him, a part of me still does. On Fathers day, I went down to surprise him for fathers day, and he wasnt there. I think thats when i started hating him more. I dont know why. I dont really care anymore. It still hurts when i think about it, so i try not to think about it at all.
***Anyone that actually sat and read that whole thing, first, i applaud, and second, i would really appreciate comments, or something***
I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling
[This message has been edited by Poet deVine (03-16-2004 04:03 AM).]