Have you ever just wanted to give in, to just break? Have you ever wanted to just stop fighting, and scream at the top of your lungs "I GIVE UP"? Yeah, I guess we all have at one time or another. Ahh, the teenage years. Right now, I feel like nothing I do gets me a step ahead. For instance, my Advanced Physics class. I am 4 assigments and 2 labs behind because I don't understand the material and don't have time to get help. I talked to my teacher about it and he pretty much told me that he could care less how I was doing in his class. I have to have all of these assignments turned in before Friday so that I can take the test. But I have Drivers Ed all this week from 4-7 so that doesn't leave much time for getting help. I am so tired of that class stressing me out. I hate feelings lost, I hate feeling confused and most of all I hate the fact that no one will help me, and when they actually do, I don't understand a word they are saying. Generally I consider myself above average in intelligence but this class has me in tears, wondering how a moron like me ever made it this far in the Math/Science Magnet. I know, I'm 17 (well, almost) and life is supposed to be difficult. Or maybe I'm just making it that way.
It would probably make things a lot easier if I could deal with my emotions instead of everything going on around me. My life is changing so quickly, and I feel as though I am losing control. I am haunted by the memories of those long since gone. I am perfectly in love with my boyfriend, but -he- keeps invading my mind. He, we will just call him Bob, may as well have torn my heart out. Bob and I were close for a long time. We understood eachother in a way few other people ever had. One night, we admitted that we had feelings for eachother beyond those of the bounds of friendship. A month later, he stops getting online. No warning, no "goodbye", nothing. Wow, and I thought love actually meant something. Why should I still care about him after something that cruel? Oh but I do. Ugh.
Not to mention many other things that I just don't want to get into right now. I know none of this makes any sense but it feels good to just get it all out. Thanks for caring enough to read.