I'll say it now, it was never about the pain. Pain I can deal with, pain I can tolerate, no big deal. Everyone thinks that whats holdin me back is the hurt, sure, I never recovered, but I never bothered to try. Thats not my problem. See, my gurlfriend left me, loved her, but I'll deal. She's not commin back. It happens. Pain cuts away at the callousse, I won't complain. everyone else left me, no problem, doesn't mean I have to give up the bottle. an intervention here or there and I feel loved anyway, its all good. Got no self respect, so what, I'm still livin. no...it was never abotu the pain.
Its the uncertainty that gets me, the waiting. best of the best is in prison, he was strong, he was strong and he went down anyway, he cared. First one he came to on the run was me, he was smart he woulda head to cali, highjacked a car to get here, tell me goodbye is the closest I could ever figure, man is my brother...and he'll be back. He's the only one ever found the strength to lie for me, told the gurl of my dreams I was doin alright, and she'll make it, with her it wasn't abotu strength, she was jsut pure, it was rare, just wasn't mine. strength is all I have, but if he fell, I have no chance of recoverin. see, its the uncertainty that gets me, and no way to try. but my brother will be commin back,not sure when, btu he'll come back. till then I've got the bottle, I've got my booze and my dreams, a half pack of smokes and what m,ore can I say? its nto the constant unendign pain that gets me...just the uncertainty. how they gonna find me here in a couple of weeks when im on the streets? hell, wont even have money for alchohol to keep me warm then.
still have the nightmares when I sleep, dream that hes dead and she's still gone, no way I can know. see what I mean? never abotu the pain... still standin...i cant afford to be serious...laugh it off...just slips every now and then. whiskey anyone?
its what I've got.
I am not a man because I am of men. I am a man because I am of the Spirit, among men.