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Self-Loathing, a rant of sorts.. if you will...
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Self-Loathing, a rant of sorts.. if you will... |
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Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow 
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"I hate myself. I hate my sub-genre of emotions, I pity myself. Pity; the most insulting of all things. But I also hate. I hate and pity myself." This, is my mind's choice of retreat. This, is how I repay myself for solitude in the night. What am I becoming? Am I de-evolving somehow? Yes, I do hate myself, and that is my one true weakness. My self-loathing, my self pity. I hate my emotional turmoil, at times, wishing I felt nothing at all but hate and love. The two most logically basic of emotions. Somewhere along my way, I reached a point of awareness, I've gained wisdom. The problem with getting toward the peak of my journey, is that I can't even partially overcome my self-loathing. It isn't a matter of being fully rid of it, I must have it in order to be equal. But I also must lose, and control some of it. Make it a slave to me, and not the other way around. My biggest flaw, is being human. I too, can be ignorant and arrogant..even closed minded. But this, I have and am able to accept and lessen. I am aware, I am fully aware. This is why I struggle with my emotions, I should merely be. It should not be as extreme as it is, my self-loathing. It should just...be. But I know this flaw, again, I am aware. I know it must be fixed, I need to attain control. Because, I will not cross any bridges if I remain in my self's pity..and under it's control. I must fight it, or perish under the same circumstance as the rest of the world. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Meghan Armitage - All Rights Reserved | |||
bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
E-mail me? |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
(chuckling) if talking to Mikey doesn't help...e-mail me... he has my address ( another example of me being a cheeky sod as Gemma puts it) I doubt I could say anything he won't, but there is some insight into the awareness and to the spiritual side of reconciling the conflict that I might have he doesn't... |
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gemjop Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587Pencilveinia, USA |
You're a lovely cheeky sod.  |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
ah yes...now you talk nice to me...lol... nice of you to say gemma... |
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Miah Senior Member
since 2002-08-26
Posts 1062Pennsylvania |
We all hate ourselves once in awhile. I think its because we have too much time on our hands, too much information, to much knowledge. If you hate yourself, be me, it will make you feel better about yourself. lol Then you will realize that your much happier, and not me. hahahah |
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Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
Life is happy when I'm in love..but not with myself.. |
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Craw Member
since 2003-09-11
Posts 73Scotland |
Self-indulgence is a poor hobby. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
The response to this thread should show you two things, Meg. 1) Everybody has their 2 cents. 2) Some of it should be kicked into the gutter. Now if THAT doesn't make you smile ... |
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