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Passions in Poetry

college drama--I need advice!!!

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skyshine
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since 02-07-2002
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Beneath the northern stars


0 posted 08-02-2003 02:17 PM       View Profile for skyshine   Email skyshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit skyshine's Home Page   View IP for skyshine

On August 25th I go back to school. It'll be my 4th year at community college. I'm looking forward to it but I really don't know how to handle some of the antics anymore! I mean, I am (was?) good friends with these four people in particular, I will call them Ryan, Jill, Katie, and Jamie. For the record, Ryan and Jill date each other and Jamie is my ex boyfriend. Anyway, for some reason Ryan and Jill don't like Katie and they are always saying so when Katie isn't around. They make comments to me and to others about her, but they are nice and friendly to her when she is around. I don't mean just polite, I mean they act like she is their friend. For example one time Ryan, Jill, and I went out to eat with a few other people, and Katie and her boyfriend showed up at the same restaurant. Jill saw Katie and she called out, "hey, over here, come sit with us!" Well the other night Katie found out about the comments they make behind her back so she was upset about that. Also Ryan and Jill make fun of Jamie whenever he isn't around as well. They make fat jokes, gay jokes, stupidity jokes, laziness jokes etc. about him even though they know he would be upset if he found out about them. The last time Jamie and I hung out I mentioned the fact that I hate it when people talk about others behind their backs, and he said, "does anyone say anything about me?" but I told him no. Katie doesn't like Jamie very much either for no reason at all. I even asked her why and she said, "well, I don't know, I just always thought he was creepy." Jamie as I said before is my ex and now Katie wants me to date some guy her boyfriend is friends with. She said something along the lines of, "what if you were with someone nicer?" and I asked her what she meant by that, and in reply she said, "just...nicer." I have a strong suspicion she means someone who she thinks is nicer than Jamie because I know how she feels about him. I mentioned the fact that Katie wants to set me up with someone else and that I am not interested to Jamie, not because he's my ex but just because he was there so I talked to him. Then he went to Jill with this and said, "I'm trying to figure out why Liz doesn't want to date this guy." Well I am not going to date someone just because one friend thinks he's nicer than than another friend. I wish that Jamie would have talked to me about it himself instead of mentioning it to Jill. I wish Ryan and Jill wouldn't talk about Katie behind her back the way they do. This has gotten to the point where I really don't want to be around anyone! I used to trust Ryan and Jill with my life, and now I've started to wonder do they talk about me the way they talk about Katie and Jamie? And I wish Jamie would be direct with me. It upsets me that I am really the only one of us who is respectful towards him--everyone else makes fun of him for every reason in the book--and I don't but since he is my ex that can easily be misconstrued into something it isn't. I respect him the same way I do my other friends but of course since he is my ex that must mean I'm in love with him. I'm not! I know something ought to be said about all this because everyone is talking about everyone else but not only do I not want to say it, it isn't my place to say anything. I'm confused and I don't know who to trust anymore.

~Elizabeth


Dreams last for so long, even after you're gone...
~Jewel

[This message has been edited by skyshine (08-02-2003 02:18 PM).]

nakdthoughts
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Between the Lines


1 posted 08-02-2003 04:06 PM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

well to be honest with you don't you wonder if these catty friends aren't also talking about you behind your back?

If I were you I would find one new good friend and talk about things other than people. This is basically an age thing and a woman/girl thing. They are always talking about something about someone, usually  to  make up for what they lack, trying to make themselves seem better or feel better...the way they look, dress.. who they date etc.
Find someone new whom is trusting and cares about feelings.  Also I don't know if you think you are such a good friend by tolerating all this gossip. I would tell my friends(if I want to keep them) that you won't participate nor do you want them talking about each other when they are not present. If you lose their friendships then they weren't friends to begin with. They don't sound all that "friendly" anyway to me.
Good Luck!
M
skyshine
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Beneath the northern stars


2 posted 08-02-2003 04:11 PM       View Profile for skyshine   Email skyshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit skyshine's Home Page   View IP for skyshine

I've started to wonder about that believe me! Nothing got that bad up until this summer. I do understand the need to vent about people but not the way things go in these conversations. Thanks for your advice Maureen.

~Elizabeth

Dreams last for so long, even after you're gone...
~Jewel

nakdthoughts
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since 10-29-2000
Posts 19275
Between the Lines


3 posted 08-02-2003 05:01 PM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

Elizabeth, just remember no matter what you decide...don't be a party to their cruel gossip..about anyone. Make it known you are friends with them all and it hurts you to hear anything negative said about another.

Believe me when I say this happens even when older when people are friends in groups...there can be jealousies.

I've lived it myself as an older much wiser  adult. And never participated in the gossip except for hearing it but none the less got the blame for it. It is just better to stay clear of it.

M

[This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (08-02-2003 09:18 PM).]

eor
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since 09-26-2002
Posts 968
blues & greys


4 posted 08-02-2003 09:14 PM       View Profile for eor   Email eor   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for eor

i'm sorry about all the drama, but i do agree, don't become a part of the gossip possie...and i do think as well you should find a friend outside of your circle to share this with.  but what i would do personally, is call each one out indivually and tell them what you think about there actions, and tell them that 'true' friends don't do that and should be happy for you if you are happy...and if that dosent work if they can't respect you wishes as a friend then move on, i had to do that once, hardest thing i have ever done, but it just happend they didn't want to grow up and act like an adult about life and friends, so i couldent let there petty games stress me out and bring me down...i was tough, really tough but i had to...i am not saying that is the only option just last resort but i am sure it will not have to come to that...good luck.

"in a past life i was a woodcarver's knife: the sharpend blade of a wood cutter, the eldest son of the chief's brother: a maker of drums"

Bill Charles
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since 07-11-2000
Posts 11011
highways, & byways, for now


5 posted 08-03-2003 08:57 AM       View Profile for Bill Charles   Email Bill Charles   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bill Charles

skyshine - I read both replies from nakdthoughts and eor and really can't add much to them except say why does one need these kind of so called friends?

I have one question though, why have you been in a community college for four years? I am of the impression that a community college is for a two year degree. Of course I understand if you are going part time.
The degree is worth working for, as it opens many doors in the working world...

My best to you, and I wish you well.
BC
LoveBug
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6 posted 08-04-2003 06:26 PM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

Heh.. I thought this stuff ended in High School..

Basically, here's my advice. Get new friends. Thats kinda harsh, and I guess you can hang out with them sometimes but don't ever trust them. Please.

Oh, make me Thine forever
And should I fainting be
Lord, let me never ever
Outlive my love for Thee

nakdthoughts
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since 10-29-2000
Posts 19275
Between the Lines


7 posted 08-04-2003 07:54 PM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

I actually agree with you Lovebug..I just didn't put it that way because I am so much older and wasn't sure I wouldn't be criticized for being old fashioned in beliefs.

Thanks for telling it like it is..
Maureen
IcyFlamez89
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since 02-14-2003
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Jersey City NJ


8 posted 08-06-2003 04:59 PM       View Profile for IcyFlamez89   Email IcyFlamez89   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit IcyFlamez89's Home Page   View IP for IcyFlamez89

whoever gossips to you will gossip about you... : : what a world we live in. You're starting college again. It's should be a new beginning all over, but you've dragged some of last year's problems. You should get them all to talk it out. Be up front. It's no good to fake things in your life, it makes it too complicated. "FRIENDS" what a weird word
Magia_negra
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since 07-16-2003
Posts 80
CA, USA


9 posted 08-08-2003 12:41 AM       View Profile for Magia_negra   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Magia_negra

Oh, my!
walk away from double-faced people. You could talk to them about it of course, but i don't think they would understand.
they will not change.

...somos los locos para siempre
para siempre te amo
   mi vida...

Magia_negra
Member
since 07-16-2003
Posts 80
CA, USA


10 posted 08-08-2003 12:42 AM       View Profile for Magia_negra   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Magia_negra

Oh, my!
walk away from double-faced people. You could talk to them about it of course, but i don't think they would understand.
they will not change.

...somos los locos para siempre
para siempre te amo
   mi vida...

martina
Member
since 06-19-2003
Posts 59


11 posted 08-26-2003 02:34 PM       View Profile for martina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for martina

To tell youthe honest to god truth i am in a situation much like yours and i think that is no way to live i just got rid of my friends that talked bad about other people. TRUST ME IT SOLVES ALOT.

         Martina
martina
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since 06-19-2003
Posts 59


12 posted 08-26-2003 03:38 PM       View Profile for martina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for martina

Skyshine i was wondering since you are kinda like me could you read my writting on this page just so i know if it is good or not?

Thanks Martina
Maddy vanD
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since 09-06-2003
Posts 101
Newfoundland, Canada


13 posted 09-07-2003 01:34 AM       View Profile for Maddy vanD   Email Maddy vanD   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Maddy vanD

I think you need some friends....

On Friendship

And a youth said, "Speak to us of Friendship."

Your friend is your needs answered.

He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.

And he is your board and your fireside.

For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.

When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."

And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;

For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;

For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.

For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.

And let your best be for your friend.

If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.

For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?

Seek him always with hours to live.

For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.

And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.

For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

Chapter 19 of "The Prophet" by Khalil Gibran

Maddy
Poetry is not pretty....poetry is real

kitkat
Senior Member
since 01-11-2000
Posts 892
Nova Scotia


14 posted 09-07-2003 11:28 AM       View Profile for kitkat   Email kitkat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for kitkat

Egads what a mess...I agree with most of what has been said..Make sure you tell your "friends" that you do not agree with the way they act...and you will not particiapate in there gossip..which may lead to hanging with them less
Sounds like you have grown and matured were they have not.

I have had friends in the past that I did not agree with there actions so I would not particiapate in those..but still your true friends are your friends for the good bad and ugly

Life is a story waiting to happen..Go on.... Create, Live and Love

 
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