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Passions in Poetry

Adoption

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Aimster
Member Elite
since 02-19-2000
Posts 4367
Charlotte, NC


0 posted 07-30-2003 09:21 AM       View Profile for Aimster   Email Aimster   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aimster

Hi to everyone who may read this. As you all probably know from some of my previous work, I'm adopted. I was adopted at the age of six, and have two biological sisters (younger) who were also adopted into the same family as me

I'm 26 years old now, and for almost all of my life, I've never had a real desire to find my birth parents, other siblings, or anything along those lines. But, lately as I grow older, and become closer and closer to the age where I myself am going to be a Mom, my feelings on this have slightly changed. I'm most interested in my medical information, but have other questions as well. Luckily for me, I do remember some things and have more information than most do in my situation. I know I was born in North Carolina in March 1977. I know the names of my birth parents, first and last, and I have a general idea of what part of North Carolina I was born in. A few days ago, I requested to obtain my medical information from the County I was adopted in. They explained to me that my case just like all cases in NC is sealed and I would only be able to get non-identifying information, meaning no names or addresses, anything like that. While that is fine with me, I still have all these questions, like do I have other brothers and sisters, and what really happened all those years ago? I have some memories, but so much time has passed that they have become fuzzy and then sometimes I wonder are the memories, or dreams, or what? I'm writing to all of you in hopes that maybe we could have some type of discussion regarding this. I know that all of you out there have different professions, ideas, thoughts, suggestions and I would be open to hearing anything you might want to say. Maybe someone out there could even shed some light on what I do next if I want to persue this. I have looked at name databases, but so far nothing has popped up. I am sorry for the ramble, but this is really important to me. I trust the folks who read my work here, and am glad I have you all. Please take care. God bless.

Amy

"love is like a butterfly--
if you chase it,
it will surely fly away,instead
hold it close and watch it grow into
something beautiful"
~me~

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


1 posted 07-30-2003 10:02 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

I have a very dear friend who is adopted. Heís from Wisconsin and their records are also sealed. A few years ago, he asked me to help him find out more about his birth parents, as he too wanted more info for medical reasons. I did a lot of research on the internet and found a lot of people searching for the same information. Eventually, we discovered that his birth records are now housed in the Salvation Army in LaGrange, IL. The unwed motherís home he was born in is no longer in existence and the records were moved. We contacted the Salvation Army and have been in correspondence with a very nice woman there. She has given him more info than he originally had, such as the ages of his parents when he was born, some circumstances surrounding his birth (his mother was reluctant to give him up but her parents were very persuasive). The woman at the SA contacted his mother and told her that he wanted more info on her and that perhaps if she felt it was ok, they could talk. His mother refused. She said her mother and her husband were ill and she didnít want the stress in her life right now. My friend learned he has 2 half brothers (with his mother) but there was no more info given on his birth father. He felt so rejected again! He has never tried to contact her again.

I would suggest you find an adoption support group in NC if you can. A lot of times one bit of info (like we got when we were told the birth records had been moved) can give you a clue where else to go.

You could also join an ancestry search group, this would give you some background on the family names you run across.

The one major theme I found in my research is that sometimes finding your birth family is not the happy ending everyone expects. A lot of times people donít want to acknowledge that they did this Ė gave up a child. I think it depends on the circumstances too. My friendís mother didnít want to give him up but was forced to and I feel in the ensuing years, she probably was made to feel guilty that she had a child out of wedlock.

You know, you may have relatives that are searching for you too! Register with the national adoption group that says you are looking and if someone searches for you, theyíll find you. Donít give up!

And as for medical info, I think the county should provide you with that Ė itís a law isnít it?

Are your sisters as anxious to find out more? Itís odd that some people really need to know and others donít really careÖ.

Good luck in your search!
Aimster
Member Elite
since 02-19-2000
Posts 4367
Charlotte, NC


2 posted 07-30-2003 11:44 AM       View Profile for Aimster   Email Aimster   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aimster

PD,

thank you for all your infomation and
your response to my post. I am not overly
anxious to naturally FIND my birth parents.
I just would like to know more information.
I don't really feel the need or desire
to sit down with them and have a discussion
or anything. I just have some natural questions I'd like answered if at all possible. I'll look into the suggestions you gave me. As for my sisters, I know one of my sisters is more eager than me to find out things, the other less eager. I guess it really does just depend on the person. Thanks again.

Amy

"love is like a butterfly--
if you chase it,
it will surely fly away,instead
hold it close and watch it grow into
something beautiful"
~me~

Wind
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 10-12-2002
Posts 3185


3 posted 07-30-2003 03:09 PM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

I am adopted myself-but? nobody knows...It was before I was born..and I do wonder sometimes.

insanity is not a crime

Nicole
Senior Member
since 06-23-99
Posts 1896
Florida


4 posted 07-30-2003 11:01 PM       View Profile for Nicole   Email Nicole   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Nicole

My husband was adopted too.  We have a son together and that has always been his biggest thing, to find out his medical history so that we "know".  He was born in Washington and given to a boy's home, and then adopted out at 2 months old.  He never knew his parents, but he knows that they were both 15 when he was born.  He knows where he was born, but not what hospital.  His adoptive parent(s) (his a. mother passed away 4 years ago, bless her soul) never knew who his birth parents were either, they only knew their ages.

It's very difficult when you want to find medical information and the records are sealed.  I wish that it was the law that such information was a right to know, it would set our minds at ease.  We're beginning to do some searches ourselves, but have found that with so little to go on, it's very difficult.

I wish you the best of luck!!

Nicole
Greeneyes
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Member Patricius
since 09-09-2000
Posts 10848
In Your Poetic Mind


5 posted 07-30-2003 11:08 PM       View Profile for Greeneyes   Email Greeneyes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Greeneyes

HI,

I was adopted as well, and just within the last year found all 8 of my brothers and sisters, I knew from information growing up that my mom had died 2 years after having me and my brother, (i'm a twin) and we stayed together.....I just recently learned that my father died in 87....but there are two brothers on my dads side and one sister on my moms side still alive, I can tell you I met my oldest sister in august of last year, it was thrilling because she brought history for me that I had no prior knowledge ...and baby pictures and pictures of the 8 of us before the adoption...(we were 3 when adopted)  I was excited, confused and overwhelmed all at once....she also brought medical information which was good....

on a more serious note, I got angry at the same time, knowing that other family members were there and no one took us in, to try and keep the family together, I m working through that in my own time and my own way....I was told we were loved very much and the children didnt want to see us go but it was the way it had to be....

if you really seek to find your family then go for it, but keep in mind you will find things you never expected, and maybe didnt want to hear.....its been a good thing, but very diffcult at the same time, and the emotions can be more then over whelming.....email me sometime if you would like to know more, or maybe where to begin..or if you just wanna talk about this..I might be able to point you in the right direction, and I have tons of friends that helped my family and I find each other.....(net wise) Good luck!


my email is

lcoates@hotmail.com

Sincerely,

Lauren~

The way you move me
I walk with your shadow
With your silhouette
Leave the light on
It always comes
Back to you

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