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Passions in Poetry

Unable To Not Feel...Quite possibly a curse!

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timothysangel1973
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0 posted 06-14-2003 03:14 AM       View Profile for timothysangel1973   Email timothysangel1973   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit timothysangel1973's Home Page   View IP for timothysangel1973

Ever wanted to be NUMB?

Sometimes, I wish that I were able to NOT FEEL.  
Does anyone ever feel this way?

Recently, my father and I had a disagreement that has now lasted nearly a month.  For him it is all about total control of his children's lives to the extent of alienating them.  I know that he means well when he gives advice or instructs me on every subject from paying bills to raising my children.

I am reminded why I left his house at an early age and married a man that turned out to be everything that I didn't want...

His control was smothering and suffocating the spirit that lived inside.  I was 17 then, I am 30 now, and nothing with dad has changed.  If he isn't in control of my life, I am a terrible daughter that doesn't love, or respect him enough.  

Inside I scream..."I DO LOVE YOU, but LET ME GO!"

He doesn't visit me because he doesn't like the neighborhood that I live in, he doesn't call me much because he says that I should call him.  

I am angry, and confused, and sad that he and I can't have a relationship unless I allow him to demean every choice that I make.

Am a terrible daughter for feeling this way?

That is why I wished that I couldn't feel....
If I were numb, then it wouldn't bother me that dad acts as though I don't exsist in his life unless he is calling the shots.

I survived a emotionally devastating marriage, I single mothered it for a while, I plunged into a desperate search for someone to love me and survived the awful reprocussions that looking for love in all the wrong places brought on.

I survived all that,,,but I wonder, will I survive the feelings that dad puts in my heart and soul.

I'm sure that he loves me, but why can't he just say it without making me feel as though I have dissapointed and failed at being his child?


Share your insight please....

*Whatever souls are made of...his and mine are of the same*  ~Emily Bronte'

passing shadows
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1 posted 06-14-2003 02:48 PM       View Profile for passing shadows   Email passing shadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for passing shadows

I don't talk to my father at all, haven't for years, so I can't help in this. I do want to say I hope it works out best for the both of you though, whichever way that is.
passing shadows
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2 posted 06-14-2003 02:50 PM       View Profile for passing shadows   Email passing shadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for passing shadows

just an opinion, I would let it go. You're grown. Shrug it off. Don't sweat it. If he comes around, he does. If not, then he doesn't. You can't make everyone else happy.

I personally know the numb you talk about. It's a nice place to be.
 
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