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Unable To Not Feel...Quite possibly a curse!
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Unable To Not Feel...Quite possibly a curse! |
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timothysangel1973
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725Never close enough 
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Ever wanted to be NUMB? Sometimes, I wish that I were able to NOT FEEL. Does anyone ever feel this way? Recently, my father and I had a disagreement that has now lasted nearly a month. For him it is all about total control of his children's lives to the extent of alienating them. I know that he means well when he gives advice or instructs me on every subject from paying bills to raising my children. I am reminded why I left his house at an early age and married a man that turned out to be everything that I didn't want... His control was smothering and suffocating the spirit that lived inside. I was 17 then, I am 30 now, and nothing with dad has changed. If he isn't in control of my life, I am a terrible daughter that doesn't love, or respect him enough. Inside I scream..."I DO LOVE YOU, but LET ME GO!" He doesn't visit me because he doesn't like the neighborhood that I live in, he doesn't call me much because he says that I should call him. I am angry, and confused, and sad that he and I can't have a relationship unless I allow him to demean every choice that I make. Am a terrible daughter for feeling this way? That is why I wished that I couldn't feel.... If I were numb, then it wouldn't bother me that dad acts as though I don't exsist in his life unless he is calling the shots. I survived a emotionally devastating marriage, I single mothered it for a while, I plunged into a desperate search for someone to love me and survived the awful reprocussions that looking for love in all the wrong places brought on. I survived all that,,,but I wonder, will I survive the feelings that dad puts in my heart and soul. I'm sure that he loves me, but why can't he just say it without making me feel as though I have dissapointed and failed at being his child? Share your insight please.... *Whatever souls are made of...his and mine are of the same* ~Emily Bronte' |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I don't talk to my father at all, haven't for years, so I can't help in this. I do want to say I hope it works out best for the both of you though, whichever way that is. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
just an opinion, I would let it go. You're grown. Shrug it off. Don't sweat it. If he comes around, he does. If not, then he doesn't. You can't make everyone else happy. I personally know the numb you talk about. It's a nice place to be. |
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