Here is my finshed work. I would like any last comments, suggestions on this. I'm going to submit it July 1. Thank you all for your kindess through whats been a very hard write! Love you all.
At night sometimes I still see your face. Why? After twenty years why do I even care anymore? You are my birth mother, so what? You gave me up. I have a new life now. That chapter of my life is forever closed. However, for some reason it's not. Then again, you knew that didn?t you? It's apparent you don't really think of me. You haven't tried to find me, or have you? There are so many people who would try to stop you.
There are so many things I remember. Mostly bad memories mixed in with a few good ones. I remember being awake in my bed late at night. Blue lights would stream through the windows as I held a sobbing little girl in my arms. Ironic thing is, I was only a little girl myself. I would hold my sister tight and reassure her everything would be okay. I remember your fights and how he was always abusing you in some form. Oh those fights! Sometimes I can still hear the screams. I can still hear them even on a peaceful spring day twenty years later. Why?
I also remember some of the good times. I remember brushing your long beautiful hair with your special silver brush. Do you remember that? I remember when you use to call me your princess-girl and would tell me you loved me. The world I lived in though wouldn't allow for that for very long. He controlled you and us. He controlled everything! It was like being trapped in the middle of hell, with nowhere to go. I was only a child and there was so much I didn't understand. But there was much that I did. Perhaps I remember too much. I was a child only of six, but you'd be surprised what children remember and comprehend. Some things leave permanent scars upon the soul.
I remember when you would leave me in charge of my little sister. You would always promise to be right back. Then you and he would disappear for days. Sometimes I would wish you would never come back. By day two or three though, I didn't wish that anymore. I wouldn't cry for Linda needed me to be strong. Do you know what it?s like to see absolute terror in a child so small? Then I would hear the familiar sound of our rusty car pulling into the yard, and I knew you were home. My heart would cry with both joy and fear. I was happy you were back, but I also knew another fight would start soon. I just wanted some quiet, some peace and quiet.
Now I am twenty-six years old. Those memories are still with me. I suppose they always will be. I remember the day you gave us up for adoption. I am sure you do too. Remember I was at the foster house with the other girls and you came to see us. You came to say good-bye. You only talked to me though, for you knew they wouldn't understand what you were saying. I did and it was the first time I really cried in front of someone. You touched my hair and said you loved me and then you were gone. It was as if someone had died. I don't think about that much anymore, but late at night sometimes I still see your face. Sometimes though I see the face of the angel that saved my sisters and I.
It was a cool spring morning, when I awoke from a sleep full of dreams. I was going to meet my new parents today. That was the only thing I could think of as I began my morning routine. My sisters were also unusually excited as they ran around the house. Finally, the social worker came to pick us up on what would be the most wonderful day of my entire life. We drove together in silence on the way to the park nearby. I was feeling both excited and nervous all at the same time. A thousand thoughts were flying through my head as we pulled into the park entrance. I wondered if I would like them. Mostly though, I was wondering if they would like me. I glanced over to my sisters. Neither of them seemed to be concerned. I suppose when you?re that little, you?re just thinking about having fun. They were giggling, while a million thoughts swirled around inside my head.
My two sisters got out of the car and ran toward the park gates. I stayed a bit behind, unsure of things. What was I suppose to say? How was I suppose to act? I walked into the park and went over to the sandbox. I sat down on the edge of it and began drawing in the sand with a stick I had found. I was drawing stick figures of a happy family. They all had smiles on their faces. What I wouldn?t give to belong to a family like that, I thought. While I was drawing, I felt a shadow overcome me. I tried to look up, but I couldn?t see anything with the sun shining in my eyes. I squinted for a second, trying to focus on the image before me. He bent down. I found myself face to face with some of the bluest eyes I?d ever seen. He smiled at me, and lightly put his hand on my shoulder. I kind of pulled back a little, still unsure. He said ?you must be Amy?. I just smiled shyly at him and nodded. All I remember about those first moments were his eyes. They were so blue. When you looked into them, you could see deep in his soul. That?s when I first realized I wanted him to be my new Dad. He was so nice and seemed so gentle. I wanted to right then tell him to please be my Daddy. Pride held me back though. What would be, would be. There was nothing I could do now. We?d been on our best behavior, and so now it was up to them to decide what they wanted to do.
It is with both pride and honor that I can say I am adopted. I have been for 20 years now. I don?t know what I?d do without my parents. They have shaped me into who I am. Without them, I might still be alive. I know though, I?d be dead on the inside. So thank you Mom and Dad for loving me, for saving me, but mostly for just being the wonderful people you are.
"love is like a butterfly--
if you chase it,
it will surely fly away,instead
hold it close and watch it grow into