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Passions in Poetry

Please help...

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Aimster
Member Elite
since 02-19-2000
Posts 4367
Charlotte, NC


0 posted 05-18-2003 11:45 AM       View Profile for Aimster   Email Aimster   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aimster

I am not really sure if this is the right place to speak about this or not. But I need some help. Some of you in here probably know of me, others do not. I have been writing off and on at Pips for over three years now. I use to write regularly but with changes in my life (new job, etc) I find I just don't have the time to write like I want to. Anyways though, a writing contest has been presented to me by a friend. She found the article in glamour magazine. She wants me to enter it, and after reading its purpose etc, I'm excited as well. I would like to post a sample of what I'm going to submit to them and get your opinion. If I win, my sample would then be turned into a whole book. It has to be on some part of your life and has to be true, which mine is. If I could get your honest opinions, I would greatly appreciate it. Any critism as long as it is done in a respectful manner would be wonderful! Here is what I have so far. Some of you may remember this from an earlier writing I've done in Passions. I've changed a few things though. Thank you for your time.

Amy

At night sometimes I still see your face. Why? After twenty years why do I even care anymore? You are my birth mother, so what? You gave me up. I have a new life now. That chapter of my life is forever closed. However, for some reason it's not. Then again, you knew that didnít you? It's apparent you don't really think of me. You haven't tried to find me, or have you?  There are so many people who would try to stop you.

There are so many things I remember. Mostly bad memories mixed in with a few good ones.  I remember being awake in my bed late at night. Blue lights would stream through the windows as I held a sobbing little girl in my arms. Ironic thing is, I was only a little girl myself. I would hold my sister tight and reassure her everything would be okay.  I remember your fights and how he was always abusing you in some form.  Oh those fights! Sometimes I can still hear the screams. I can still hear them even on a peaceful spring day twenty years later. Why?

I also remember some of the good times. I remember brushing your long beautiful hair with your special silver brush. Do you remember that? I remember when you use to call me your princess-girl and would tell me you loved me. The world I lived in though wouldn't allow for that for very long. He controlled you and us. He controlled everything! It was like being trapped in the middle of hell, with nowhere to go. I was only a child and there was so much I didn't understand. But there was much that I did. Perhaps I remember too much. I was a child only of six, but you'd be surprised what children remember and comprehend.  Some things leave permanent scars upon the soul.
I remember when you would leave me in charge of my little sister. You would always promise to be right back. Then you and he would disappear for days. Sometimes I would wish you would never come back. By day two or three though, I didn't wish that anymore. I wouldn't cry for Linda needed me to be strong. Do you know what itís like to see absolute terror in a child so small? Then I would hear the familiar sound of our rusty car pulling into the yard, and I knew you were home. My heart would cry with both joy and fear. I was happy you were back, but I also knew another fight would start soon. I just wanted some quiet, some peace and quiet.

Now I am twenty-six years old. Those memories are still with me. I suppose they always will be. I remember the day you gave us up for adoption. I am sure you do too. Remember I was at the foster house with the other girls and you came to see us. You came to say good-bye. You only talked to me though, for you knew they wouldn't understand what you were saying. I did and it was the first time I really cried in front of someone. You touched my hair and said you loved me and then you were gone. It was as if someone had died. I don't think about that much anymore, but late at night sometimes I still see your face. Sometimes though I see the face of the angel that saved my sisters and I.


"love is like a butterfly--
if you chase it,
it will surely fly away,instead
hold it close and watch it grow into
something beautiful"
~me~

[This message has been edited by Aimster (05-20-2003 06:24 PM).]

Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 04-30-2000
Posts 16920
Ontario, Canada


1 posted 05-18-2003 04:14 PM       View Profile for Kit McCallum   Email Kit McCallum   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kit McCallum

I remember the earlier pieces you're referencing, Amy.  They hit me hard then ... as this does now.

I think you've captured your emotions well in this composition.  Your thoughts, your memories, your feelings come across clearly to the point where I was wrapped in your memories, and wishing I could help.  You tugged on my heart yet again ... as so many of your poems have done in the past. I felt this Amy.

Best wishes and hugs
/Kit
Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 05-18-2001
Posts 29020
Gaia


2 posted 05-20-2003 03:51 PM       View Profile for Midnitesun   Email Midnitesun   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Midnitesun

Amy, I'm glad I stopped by and read this one now. I don't have much free time today, but I am very glad that I found time to read this piece. It is quite sad, and yet comforting to know that you escaped what must have been a miserble unsafe family scene.
Were you able to stay close to you sisters after this happened? There are many Q', but I will accept that you may not wish to discuss them, or perhaps, this is the wrong venue and time.
I wish you luck in submitting this piece. For my part? I would like to see it expanded a bit, depending upon the publishers word limit.
Amy, you show great strength.
Aimster
Member Elite
since 02-19-2000
Posts 4367
Charlotte, NC


3 posted 05-20-2003 06:23 PM       View Profile for Aimster   Email Aimster   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aimster

Kit:

As always, your words touch deep within my heart. It is so wonderful to know that my words can actually move someone. Thank you so much for your encouragement and wonderful replies over the years. They have meant more to me than you know. I hope that you are well. Take care.

Amy

Midnitesun,

Thank you so much for your reply to my work. I do not have any problems discussing my adoption or issues surrounding it. In fact, being a social worker, I'm pretty open about it. I am very close to my sisters. We all fortunately were adopted by the same family. My sister Linda who is two years younger than me is now 23 and lives in Sacramento California with her husband and new baby girl, Katie. Lisa who is almost five years younger than me just turned 21. She is still living at home with my dad and step-mom. I have had the most interesting life. It has been so full of ups and downs. I love the fact that no matter what happens to me, I'm always able to draw strength from it and learn. I think that is what life is all about. We all are faced with many obstacles, but it's what we take from those obstacles with us to our next place in life that is important! As for expanding on this, that is exactly what I intend to do. I wanted to open this up with a sort of "letter" to my biological mom. The next part will be about my sisters and I meeting our adopted family, and the day that forever changed my life. The word limit on the contest is 4,000 words. So far with the letter only I have about 600 words. Any more suggestions you or anyone else may have would be wonderful. I thought about posting this in the open forum but wasn't sure what the rules and such were on that. If anyone knows, could you please tell me that as well. Thanks so much.

AMY

God bless!!

"love is like a butterfly--
if you chase it,
it will surely fly away,instead
hold it close and watch it grow into
something beautiful"
~me~

jenab75703
New Member
since 10-17-2001
Posts 7


4 posted 06-04-2003 07:43 PM       View Profile for jenab75703   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for jenab75703

I always loved reading your poems. I hope this works out for you...it really is wonderful. Hope your doing well. Take care!

J
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


5 posted 06-04-2003 11:27 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

Amy,
I know a lot about you, just from reading you all this time...I didn't know some of the things I just read. Amy I just don't have words enough at the moment to express how this touches me...
I wonder, have you heard anything on this? Did you submit it? I hope you let us know...
(((hugs)))
Susan
Aimster
Member Elite
since 02-19-2000
Posts 4367
Charlotte, NC


6 posted 06-05-2003 07:28 PM       View Profile for Aimster   Email Aimster   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aimster

thank you all for your sweet and generous replies. they are as always, much appreciated. jena, thank you for taking the time to write me on this. it really means a lot to me. email me sometime if you wish.

susan,
this is such a beautiful reply! as always you touch deep within my heart! i'm glad i could share a part of myself with you all.

amy

"love is like a butterfly--
if you chase it,
it will surely fly away,instead
hold it close and watch it grow into
something beautiful"
~me~

Aimster
Member Elite
since 02-19-2000
Posts 4367
Charlotte, NC


7 posted 06-06-2003 12:10 PM       View Profile for Aimster   Email Aimster   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aimster

also to answer your question susan, yes i am going to post this. I have been busy with work and other parts of my life, and haven't finished it yet. But before I submit it to the magazine, I'm going to submit it here and get opinions. So you should be seeing the finished result soon. thanks again.

take care.
amy

"love is like a butterfly--
if you chase it,
it will surely fly away,instead
hold it close and watch it grow into
something beautiful"
~me~

Aimster
Member Elite
since 02-19-2000
Posts 4367
Charlotte, NC


8 posted 06-07-2003 11:50 PM       View Profile for Aimster   Email Aimster   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aimster

Here is my finshed work. I would like any last comments, suggestions on this. I'm going to submit it July 1. Thank you all for your kindess through whats been a very hard write! Love you all.

Amy

At night sometimes I still see your face. Why? After twenty years why do I even care anymore? You are my birth mother, so what? You gave me up. I have a new life now. That chapter of my life is forever closed. However, for some reason it's not. Then again, you knew that didn?t you? It's apparent you don't really think of me. You haven't tried to find me, or have you?  There are so many people who would try to stop you.

There are so many things I remember. Mostly bad memories mixed in with a few good ones.  I remember being awake in my bed late at night. Blue lights would stream through the windows as I held a sobbing little girl in my arms. Ironic thing is, I was only a little girl myself. I would hold my sister tight and reassure her everything would be okay.  I remember your fights and how he was always abusing you in some form.  Oh those fights! Sometimes I can still hear the screams. I can still hear them even on a peaceful spring day twenty years later. Why?

I also remember some of the good times. I remember brushing your long beautiful hair with your special silver brush. Do you remember that? I remember when you use to call me your princess-girl and would tell me you loved me. The world I lived in though wouldn't allow for that for very long. He controlled you and us. He controlled everything! It was like being trapped in the middle of hell, with nowhere to go. I was only a child and there was so much I didn't understand. But there was much that I did. Perhaps I remember too much. I was a child only of six, but you'd be surprised what children remember and comprehend.  Some things leave permanent scars upon the soul.
I remember when you would leave me in charge of my little sister. You would always promise to be right back. Then you and he would disappear for days. Sometimes I would wish you would never come back. By day two or three though, I didn't wish that anymore. I wouldn't cry for Linda needed me to be strong. Do you know what it?s like to see absolute terror in a child so small? Then I would hear the familiar sound of our rusty car pulling into the yard, and I knew you were home. My heart would cry with both joy and fear. I was happy you were back, but I also knew another fight would start soon. I just wanted some quiet, some peace and quiet.

Now I am twenty-six years old. Those memories are still with me. I suppose they always will be. I remember the day you gave us up for adoption. I am sure you do too. Remember I was at the foster house with the other girls and you came to see us. You came to say good-bye. You only talked to me though, for you knew they wouldn't understand what you were saying. I did and it was the first time I really cried in front of someone. You touched my hair and said you loved me and then you were gone. It was as if someone had died. I don't think about that much anymore, but late at night sometimes I still see your face. Sometimes though I see the face of the angel that saved my sisters and I.

It was a cool spring morning, when I awoke from a sleep full of dreams. I was going to meet my new parents today. That was the only thing I could think of as I began my morning routine. My sisters were also unusually excited as they ran around the house. Finally, the social worker came to pick us up on what would be the most wonderful day of my entire life. We drove together in silence on the way to the park nearby. I was feeling both excited and nervous all at the same time. A thousand thoughts were flying through my head as we pulled into the park entrance. I wondered if I would like them. Mostly though, I was wondering if they would like me. I glanced over to my sisters. Neither of them seemed to be concerned. I suppose when you?re that little, you?re just thinking about having fun. They were giggling, while a million thoughts swirled around inside my head.

My two sisters got out of the car and ran toward the park gates. I stayed a bit behind, unsure of things. What was I suppose to say? How was I suppose to act? I walked into the park and went over to the sandbox. I sat down on the edge of it and began drawing in the sand with a stick I had found. I was drawing stick figures of a happy family. They all had smiles on their faces. What I wouldn?t give to belong to a family like that, I thought. While I was drawing, I felt a shadow overcome me. I tried to look up, but I couldn?t see anything with the sun shining in my eyes. I squinted for a second, trying to focus on the image before me. He bent down. I found myself face to face with some of the bluest eyes I?d ever seen. He smiled at me, and lightly put his hand on my shoulder. I kind of pulled back a little, still unsure. He said ?you must be Amy?. I just smiled shyly at him and nodded. All I remember about those first moments were his eyes. They were so blue. When you looked into them, you could see deep in his soul. That?s when I first realized I wanted him to be my new Dad. He was so nice and seemed so gentle. I wanted to right then tell him to please be my Daddy. Pride held me back though. What would be, would be. There was nothing I could do now. We?d been on our best behavior, and so now it was up to them to decide what they wanted to do.

It is with both pride and honor that I can say I am adopted. I have been for 20 years now. I don?t know what I?d do without my parents. They have shaped me into who I am. Without them, I might still be alive. I know though, I?d be dead on the inside. So thank you Mom and Dad for loving me, for saving me, but mostly for just being the wonderful people you are.

"love is like a butterfly--
if you chase it,
it will surely fly away,instead
hold it close and watch it grow into
something beautiful"
~me~

Aimster
Member Elite
since 02-19-2000
Posts 4367
Charlotte, NC


9 posted 08-19-2003 06:19 PM       View Profile for Aimster   Email Aimster   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aimster

I just wanted to put an update on this. I did not win. However, I made the top 10 finalist and won $100. Thanks for all those who read and replied. It means so much to me....

Still waiting to hear from a special lady. But I guess I wont. Take care.

Amy

"love is like a butterfly--
if you chase it,
it will surely fly away,instead
hold it close and watch it grow into
something beautiful"
~me~

skyshine
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 02-07-2002
Posts 3337
Beneath the northern stars


10 posted 08-19-2003 09:37 PM       View Profile for skyshine   Email skyshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit skyshine's Home Page   View IP for skyshine

Congratulations Amy! That's great that you were a finalist. I'm happy to hear that! Next time you'll win I'm sure!

~Elizabeth

Dreams last for so long, even after you're gone...
~Jewel

garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 09-29-2002
Posts 20064
Florida, USA


11 posted 08-26-2003 08:54 PM       View Profile for garysgirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit garysgirl's Home Page   View IP for garysgirl

Amy, I'm really glad that I stopped in to read this. I'm glad that you were one of the top 10 finalist. That's very good.
This rticle really touched my heart and I'm sure will touch others who read it. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Ethel
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