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Passions in Poetry

Online friends? (Desperate for your opinion...)

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ESP
Member Elite
since 01-25-2000
Posts 2574
Floating gently on a cloud....


0 posted 05-07-2003 10:21 PM       View Profile for ESP   Email ESP   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ESP


How much meaning should we allow ourselves to attach to friends we meet online? We all know that not everybody out there who zooms about on the net is a maniac, many just people like you and me. Thing is, sometimes, well more than sometimes, I feel like a freak because I allow friends I meet online to be very important to me. Allow them to upset me and hurt me. Allow them to enter my heart and wallow in affection. Is it wrong? Am I really weird because two of my best friends at the moment are online people. Should online friendships be treated as a lesser species of friendship? And then there is one I live about an hour away from, and we clicked online really well. So we met up and had a good time. So he wants to meet up with me more, wants to get to know me better. I also want to get to know him better but then this whole online issue is bothering me. I feel like weirdo of the year!!! And like I want to talk to my sister about him and stuff but she doesn't do online, so she entirely wouldn't understand and would think I'm mad. Am I mad? I mean he is who he says he is, just a student at a uni an hour or so away from mine. What do you all think about this? I would love to know your opinions and experience in this world of online. Please please please. Cos else I might go mad thinking Im a lunatic, I would rather at least know I am if that be the case!!!!!!!!!
Thanks, Liz xxxxxxx

"Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~

BluesSerenade
Member Rara Avis
since 10-23-2001
Posts 9867
By the Seaside


1 posted 05-07-2003 10:50 PM       View Profile for BluesSerenade   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for BluesSerenade

No, you are not mad...but the entire situation can make you feel that way.  To me, friends online and in real time are one in the same. I don't look for false pretenses in anyone, it's my nature to believe in people.  I'm not saying I would meet up with any old Joe in a deserted parking lot, that's cutting it a little too close.  But like you said, not everyone online is a maniac, and you are not a lunatic.  Anyway, I hope everything works out for you and your friend, just be careful and don't be surprised if everyone doesn't understand where you're coming from.
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


2 posted 05-07-2003 11:59 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

I've thought about this alot, and yanno?
I have the same problem with my "realtime" friends. My sister once said that my house looked like a soup kitchen--and it did. I was once in the habit of feeding all of my husband's buddies (most unemployed) pretty much on a nightly basis. And while I cooked those meals? I was on the phone, listening to MY buddies. Then, when my health declined, and I got MORE homebound, I went online and met a lot of wonderful people. People who shared my interests, too. Imagine that.

So I don't think the fault is in the medium. I have always been co-dependant. And it was not the fault of the internet when that manifested online as well.

But at least here, as I once pointed out to the hubby--when I am tired? I don't have to send my friends home. They ARE home. I don't have to feed them. They aren't noisy. And come to think of it? My last birthday, I must have gotten 30 well wishes online,(as well as some gift certificates from a couple of special folks) when everyone else forgot.

So...I baked MY FAMILY a cake for MY birthday, made MYSELF a drink, and logged in. Izzat healthy? Prolly not.

But neither was burning notebooks full of my poetry, outside, ALONE on nights like that.

And I know I didn't offer any answers. But we do tend to duplicate our patterns of socialization online, to match our tendencies offline.

So...c'est la vie?
Charisma
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 09-30-2000
Posts 6029
lost in blue pages


3 posted 05-08-2003 03:51 AM       View Profile for Charisma   Email Charisma   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Charisma's Home Page   View IP for Charisma

Me neither think you are weird, the only different is that we can not see online friends. That means that you have to be careful that's true. But online friends can be very close, sometimes much closer near heart. Besides that, I know several couples which are being married now, who met each other online.

I for one treasure my online friends, and once I hope that I get the change to meet them in real life.
So in my eyes you arenīt weird at all  

Charisma


[This message has been edited by Charisma (05-08-2003 03:52 AM).]

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


4 posted 05-08-2003 04:13 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

My closest friend - Jamie (who I 'met' here) - lives in North Carolina. I live on the other side of the world in New Zealand.

We met for 1 week two years ago. Just one week. I can tell that man my soul and trust him with it more than anyone else.

People are people. I think that sometimes we have different ways of expressing our affection through online relationships, but that affection is no less real...

K
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


5 posted 05-08-2003 07:28 AM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

What difference does it make "WHERE" we meet our friends?

MY sister met her significant other through a dating service - She/and he paid over $1500 apiece to meet someone that happened to match mutual their (computerized) desires.  As it happens, both of them think that meeting people over the internet is absurd and unadvisable.  I ask... What did they do differently?  They had a proverbial "blind date," didn't they?  They just happen to have been advised by computer statistics rather than the judgment of mutual friends... Go figure...

Anyway - about meeting online... Why not?  Meeting our friends online gives us some distinct advantages.  We can get to know others on the inside before we see the outside.  What a wonderful approach!!  How great is it to actually know what another is all about from the inside out?  When we look from the outside in, we rely upon our physical attraction first - and that's oftentimes pretty clouded, isn't it?

If our priorities are primarily physical attraction, as are many - then perhaps going out to a bar or social gathering is preferable.  But - If our real priorities are the person within - Then what better way to get to know someone than to speak to their inner self?

HOWEVER - The same caution needs to be taken online as would be in any social situation where you haven't met people before.  People sitting on bar stools can put on any front they choose for the duration of an evening.  Eventually, though - they show their true colors.  They can't keep up pretense forever.  

When we meet friends online, we need to take great care to learn WHO they are - and observe their interactions carefully - Interactions with us.. and with others.  Consistency (or lack of such) will tell us in time if they are ingenuous.  Only then can we make intelligent choices.

Take great care - Whether you're meeting friends online or in "real" time.  The rules should be the same.  Sometimes it works - Sometimes not...

I have to say - My Forever Dearest Friends - both male and female - have emerged from Passions...

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


6 posted 05-08-2003 08:44 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

ain't she a sweetie?

grin...

y'see?

it is IRRESISTIBLE!!
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


7 posted 05-08-2003 08:49 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

quote:
HOWEVER - The same caution needs to be taken online as would be in any social situation where you haven't met people before.  People sitting on bar stools can put on any front they choose for the duration of an evening.  Eventually, though - they show their true colors.  They can't keep up pretense forever.  

That's why, going on near four years now, I have never felt in a safer place.  Y'all can't keep up the pretense FOREVER!  
morefiah
Member
since 03-26-2003
Posts 156
Spanish Town, Jamaica


8 posted 05-08-2003 11:31 AM       View Profile for morefiah   Email morefiah   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for morefiah

Passions has taught me a lot in a very short time. Firstly, it is my very first involvement in an online forum. Secondly, I now realize how diverse backgrounds, opinions, and personalities can coe-exist.

But to address the question, I will use this illustration: I sometimes feel a little envious when I read the posts here simply because of the love that just shouts from them. Nan, Karilea, Marge, Michael, Denise, and everyone else... these people have forged very real relationships with very real and genuine affection and love for each other. They are concerned about each other, they take interest in each others achievements and development, they express delight in each others work, they express sadness and empathy when one of them suffers and I could go on and on. You could not want a better example of the fact that online friendships are real, that they work, and that they are totally normal. I thank God every day for Passions. Not because I ever had a void in my life in terms of friendships. In truth, I have more friends than I can count. It's just that in Passions I have found a home online which is founded upon two things that mean a lot to me: Poetry and Friendship.

So please do not think that anything is wrong with online friendship. Nan gave most excellent advice, and as long as you take heed of those wise words you have nothing else to worry about.

Garfield

ESP
Member Elite
since 01-25-2000
Posts 2574
Floating gently on a cloud....


9 posted 05-08-2003 11:32 AM       View Profile for ESP   Email ESP   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ESP

Thank you all so very for much for your responses to this post!! I know I must exercise caution, indeed I am and will continue to do so. I will checking this to see more and more views and opinions (I hope ) Different perspectives make the picture so much clearer I find.
Thanks again,
Luv, Liz xxxx

"Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


10 posted 05-08-2003 01:34 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

On-line is like anything else in life...there needs to be balance.I have not always done a very good job of maintaining that balance, but from that, I can try and share a little of what I have learned. I have met my "soulmate" and best friend online and have developed several other very close friendships with poets here in pips. I have been lucky enough to be able to meet a couple of them in person and spend time bonding beyond the computer. Some I have come to know thru emails and phone calls and we also discover a great deal thru reading one anothers poetry. Still, we need to have "real, one on one contact and interaction with people in our daily lives and unfortunately, many times the people we meet on line and bond with may live so far away that it becomes either impossible or very expensive to be able to do that.
You are very lucky your new friend is that close and its possible to explore the friendship beyond the computer, because trust me...when you become attached to someone and want them in your life, the distance and this computer screen can become a curse.  And the biggest lesson I have learned on here is...just as in any relationship...we never REALLY know the other person until we spend a lot of time with them one on one...as in sharing space on a regular basis.
Good luck to you...you've been given lots of good advice here...be safe...be happy.
Trust your instincts.
Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 07-11-2000
Posts 11011
highways, & byways, for now


11 posted 05-08-2003 10:25 PM       View Profile for Bill Charles   Email Bill Charles   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bill Charles

ESP - I don't think that you are mad, all I can say is to be careful...

BC
LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 01-08-2000
Posts 5015


12 posted 05-09-2003 08:45 AM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

Well.. I have many online friends.. and I have one very special online 'friend, if you catch my drift. He and I have been talking online for almost 2 years and we make phone calls as well. We love and care for each other very much, but it is a bad situation. We know better than to try to be exclusive or anything, and I think that kind of makes us stronger. We love each other in 'that way', yes, but we are best and dearest friends as well. I thank God for him every day, and I do not regret meeting him. I plan on (very carefully!) meeting him in the fall for a few days.

All I can say is to be careful... I mean, online relationships, to me, are like any other long distance relationsips. It's hard to mantain that love and trust when you are so far away. But, in my opinion, if you and your friend can get past that giant obsticle, you can get through anything together.

As for friends, like 'regular' friends... I think it's a wonderful place to meet people. When I come online, I can really be myself. I live in a small town... and don't get me wrong, I love my IRL friends dearly, but it's just hard to find people with my interests, esc. It's easier to do so online.

I just think that online relationships are a little tricker, but are well worth the work. Just don't neglect your life OFF of the net. Make friends IRL too.. do things IRL. There's a balance.

I wish you the best of luck. If you ever want to email me or anything personally, please do so. I'd also like to talk to someone who is in my situation!

Oh, make me Thine forever
And should I fainting be
Lord, let me never ever
Outlive my love for Thee

Kamala
Member
since 04-17-2003
Posts 66
CA, USA


13 posted 05-12-2003 06:47 PM       View Profile for Kamala   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kamala

Wow -- I just read that entire post and realized that there are so many people here I want to introduce myself to!  I've been spending most of my time here at Passions on the CA #2 forum.  But I'm glad I came here because I feel like I've been missing out on just talking to people.

As for the topic at hand, I don't think meeting people online is weird at all.  I mean, what others have said about being careful is certainly true... but I have more than a few very good friends IRL that have met significant others and close friends via the internet.

One of my closest friends, met some friends online that she is now roommates with; and another one of my friends met a guy online that has turned into a close friend to our entire circle.  You just never know.

I would say, continue to get to know your friend in safe contexts... until you're sure that what you think you know is what really is... and the rest is wide open.

Yours,
Kamala

"At times, indeed, almost ridiculous--
Almost, at times, the Fool."

               ~~ T.S. Eliot

 
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