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RSWells
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since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533


0 posted 2003-04-17 01:36 PM



i, seeing that this room has been abandon for over a week, tip toe in and, without flipping the light switch, sit and reflect.
i promise this is not a vain attempt to elicit sympathy (note please the symbolic lack of the capital i). See it instead as an apology and attempt to express the heart-felt gratitude of one who has been treated well here.
When, a hair over 3 years ago i, for the first time, started putting what truly are feelings in public forum, i made a poor choice for the outlet. It wasn't easy for me to openly express (at then age 45) feelings long suppressed, feelings dulled by alcohol and drugs, feelings masked by rage and misplaced machismo. And even though it was under a pseudonym in the anonymity of cyber-space when i was attacked at that site the barely cooling carcass of the person i sought to escape was resurrected. For if nothing else i'd taught myself to react to aggression with instant and reciprocal force sufficient to knock on the arse the offender who dared offend. You might imagine the problems this has caused (i can't count the handcuffings). The fact that i then employed my wit to attack those aggressors in poems and that these were entertaining and so encouraged by the ready audience of, what are after all merely humans, (for some reason i thought a poet's site would be different) stray me from the healing i sought.
i suffer from profound depression and subsequently guilt. Guilt because i know there are people whose pain is far more in evidence than mine, people who've suffered loss through death or the sad schism of relationships important to them, people who battle cancer, deformities, and debilitating injuries, people impoverished by birth or misfortune.
A mistrustful individual to begin with when i sought help for my affliction (not easy for me) i was either betrayed (in one case a woman (shrink) who threatened to reveal confidences merely because she was too lazy to attend a retrial for a successful defense resulting in mistrial and so the reluctant acceptence of a light hand slap of probation) or was "assisted" by professionals who had their eye as much on their watches as my screaming pain. Medication (Zoloft) dulled my senses to where i couldn't grow in my writing and so i abandoned the notion that any human was qualified to shine their artificial light (spirituality?...well that's another struggle)into my darkness.
A handful here know of the particulars of my current state and have been understanding. i address now those kind people who've consistently been supportive of my writing without this insider's knowledge. i will endeavor to thank you in the comment section itself henceforth and ask you accept this blanket thank you for those kind encouragements of the past.
my last several posts have been of death and depression. Please don't concern yourself that i would act on such urges. i yet have four beautiful children i would never scar by what i see as the ultimate selfish act.
i will add that i have a problem commenting for the sake of commenting as repayment for comments (?). i work fairly hard at sculpting my words and if i suspect you don't or that your posts resemble e-mail spilled over to the poetry forum then chances are i'll ignore them. i take this seriously, it's a free country if you don't it is your right.
Thanks to Ron for providing this place and i hope he doesn't take it personally that i begged to be let out of the book. i have my reasons, a few of which would be that i want control over my better work (i am my harshest critic) and plan to eventually submit them to poetry magazines, many of whom insist said work not be previously published and i am slightly disconcerted at the popularity scramble i sense some participate in to get 'accepted'. i prefer my modest offerings be accepted for their worth. Please don't take offence at this my dear dear friends.


"Nils Desperandum" Wells Family Motto

© Copyright 2003 Richard S. Wells jr. - All Rights Reserved
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

1 posted 2003-04-17 04:33 PM


Richard,
I have had the opportunity of getting to know a little more of you personally, as well as the pleasure of reading your poetry.
I know from both examples that you are an extremely intelligent man...most likely it falls under the category of too damn smart for your own good. *S*
Not only "book smart" but street savvy as well, Life's school of hard knocks teach us our lessons well--the hard way.

Whether we learn from our mistakes is up to us. I believe you are smart enough to know the difference between a sincere reply and one "just because you replied to them" yes...we need to reply to generate attention and reciprocation  ..but in the end it will be the quality of the poetry that will speak for itself...and that needs to be the focus.
When I came in here I was writing "beginners" poetry...cliche' basic rhyme drivel...if no one had encouraged me and offered me critique, instruction, and inspiration, I might not have explored what capabilities my muse held. Not every one wakes up one day writing at the level some of you poets do..some need a push to find their direction.
Sincerity comes in many forms and costumes.
Me thinks you know how to read between the lines.

Cpat Hair
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2 posted 2003-04-17 04:39 PM


Richard,
i simply wanted to state I had read this, found it to seem an honest statement of your thoughts and that i am one of those that enjoy your posts for what they are, good poetic efforts.
i wish you well in days ahead and hope the healing you seek is found.


Sunshine
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Listening to every heart
3 posted 2003-04-17 04:52 PM



Two of our finer poets have had a chance to respond...

and in taking up the rear [for the moment], let me say "thank You..." for bringing so much to Passions - for taking time to get to know those of us who don't spill e-mail... and for prompting those of us who take our writing as seriously as I believe you do yours - to new heights, merely by coming, nodding, and saying "yes, This is Good."

As for your devils?  I can see you're working on them...and that's all we can do, isn't it?  

Nightshade
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just out of reach
4 posted 2003-04-17 05:30 PM


Richard - I have always been in awe of your writing ability. I am not used to showing my poetic attempts to others, but have found a compassionate family here at Passions. I am also not used to showing my fraility....but have done so here. On a daily basis I fight the darkness, and the unkown fear that comes with it. Thankyou for sharing with us. Be well and do keep writing. Chris


[This message has been edited by Nightshade (04-17-2003 06:34 PM).]

serenity blaze
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since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

5 posted 2003-04-17 06:05 PM


You are a fine writer, and I admit I will regret not seeing your name in the book, but you have your reasons and no explanations are necessary.

I will wait to buy your personal collection, which I am certain will be forthcoming.

Hugs to you. I admire your integrity as well as your work.

RSWells
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since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533

6 posted 2003-04-17 06:44 PM


Well i guess my arrogance was showing and i didn't mean for that to happen, or any offense, particularly to you JM, who has been so gracious to me. Perhaps i should have left the book out of this. i won't delete it though since it has been commented on (i hate when that happens.
Midnitesun
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Gaia
7 posted 2003-04-17 07:26 PM


Whisper heard, and understood.
I have nothing but admiration for your writing expertise, and always appreciate any comments you've left on my feable offerings.
I look forward to reading you in any publications.

Nan
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8 posted 2003-04-17 09:11 PM


Hey Richard... I wouldn't vote for ANYBODY just because I like them... The quality of our publication has integrity... Um.. That'd be why I'd vote for you, m'friend...
Janet Marie
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since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

9 posted 2003-04-17 10:04 PM


Richard,
As you and I have discussed before...
in this typed medium it is sometimes very hard to read words written without eye and voice contact to guide us to the person's full intent and often our words are mistaken and misunderstood. And there is often a fine line between honesty and "arrogance" As you also know, I have many times been both touched and impressed by your honesty and openness in the forums and your poetry. That, along with your gift for writing had earned my respect long before I ever got to know the poet behind the words. I didn't take offense to your statements...I was just merely making the point that in a forum such as this, that relies on participation that we must learn to discern the real reasons for both posting and replying and most of the time, we get back what we put into it. I'll be honest and tell you, for the most part I agree with you on the book issue. Again it's about give and take and about respect, and it's obvious to me when we look on the vote tabulation page as to why Ron has to set the voting process up the way he does. I've seen amazing poets who for what ever reason, don't do all that many replies and often their work falls to the way side in these heavily posted forums...but once we come across them and their work leaves an impression, we are going to come back. We don't have to reply to them...we can read, enjoy and learn from the poetry...and sometimes...we learn more from the poet and the example they set. Trust me, I took no offense at your comments...I just realized I wanted to remind myself what's really important here ... that should be the poetry being shared so we can all grow in each others light. Sometimes I lose sight of that in the emotions that come along with sharing our souls in ink.
Is it the journey or the destination?
Me thinks its both


BluesSerenade
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By the Seaside
10 posted 2003-04-18 01:37 AM


This was candid and captivating and perfectly honest.  
I admire you as a writer and for standing up and saying,
this is who I am and I'm not perfect!  Touche'

I can also appreciate JM's response for I have often read about the sincerity of replies only to turn around and read about those who don't participate, and the fact that their poetry gets overlooked.
There are always going to be two sides.

An enlightening post all the way around,
without an ounce of arrogance if I might add.

It's a fascinating journey to be sure~
Take care Richard~  

Poet deVine
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11 posted 2003-04-18 02:49 AM


Richard, your honest reflection is refreshing. I do understand your desire not to be in the book and certainly don't fault you for it. Your work is your work and you have every right to protect it!

As to replies? This has been the most discussed topic since Passions started. We all do what we feel is best. Some people reply just to get replies to their own work. Others reply with depth and feeling. Your work has always been good. I really enjoy your use of nature in your work - it's some of the best I've ever read.


serenity blaze
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12 posted 2003-04-18 06:30 AM


and btw, you did not elicit my sympathy.

It takes courage to take moral inventory of one's self, and I respect that very much.

suthern
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13 posted 2003-04-18 09:02 AM


I can't count the times I've been left silent by your poetry... depresssion and I are old adversaries and I often find myself identifying with the pain I sense in your work... even if our situations are different. Now I suspect a lot of my responses wouldn't meet your standards... however impressed I might be.

As luck sometimes dictates, most of my voting time has come post-acceptance of my poems... and while I may be inclined to read something because of the poet... it's the POEM that dictates my voting. *S*

I didn't participate in Voices for very personal reasons... how could I help but respect your reasons now? *S*

I will confess, though, that something inside me dies every time the issue of what qualifies as a good response comes up... for there are many of us who will NEVER be comfortable with either giving or getting critique and basically want to indicate to the writer that we've read and enjoyed. Should we hush and say nothing? Seek only poets who don't expect an in-depth review?

I know people come here for many reasons and expect/need different things. For every person that labels some responses as banal and left for some number count, there are others who wish people would be a bit kinder. I just can't find it in me to think harshly about someone who has given their time to my poetry UNLESS they attack me or my words... but then, I come here to share and enjoy what others have shared... not to judge.

[This message has been edited by suthern (04-18-2003 09:41 AM).]

RSWells
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since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533

14 posted 2003-04-18 10:26 AM


I am touched by the responses to this post. A private person it wasn't easy for me. In hindsight I'd not have written it. I didn't think I was revealing much more of me than what could have been gleaned from my poems which I try to keep honest. Unfortunately I forgot a lesson learned when I sold big ticket items, that people hear what they want to hear and much focus is now on the 15% of its content....the book.
Feelings hurt when what I endeavored was to explain was that my particular form of madness has, on occasion, taken an almost paralytic form, one not conducive to the passive acknowledgement of what you surely must admit is often pedestrian poetry. Eyebrows raised now? Let me explain. I am a damn good neighbor in that I would not allow any harm to come to anyone "on my watch". I went out of my way on two ocassions to turn in murderers. Once by calling America's Most Wanted on a man who'd killed two women in California, had been wanted by the FBI for 8 Years! The other time by going well out of my way when I saw in a little crime blurb in the Houston Chronicle a story about a home invasion in which a man had been shot in the head. I related it to a conversation I'd overheard a few nights earlier. At first received with open arms by the Harris County Sheriff who said "they didn't have a lead", when they found out about my checkered past they treated me like crap and coupled with their laziness it took weeks for them to apprehend the culprits. They did so only after a cousin of one of the dirt-bags called crimestoppers and dropped it in their laps. They called me back down for a line-up and jumped for joy when I pointed out unerringly the two faces I'd tried to deliver weeks earlier.
Later when I had a scrape with the law and desired some good word in my defense neither agency would even return my calls, though I'd risked my life in helping. Yes I have an issue with trust.
I received an e-mail last night chastising me for the revelations made above and admonishing me for thinking myself "Too good to be in it" (the book) and for my "need to explain.....to people who could care less" that I was "downright rude to say that I don't comment on work that sucks", other allusions to my motivations (some form of guilt) and mention of my "alienating" everyone.
Well I didn't want to hurt my neighbors, its just that when I'm this down I want only to pass by and not even exchange pleasantries or force even the temporary smile that normal people do. My error was saying anything at all.
And so what was meant as an apology of sorts now must itself be apologized for.
As far as arrogance goes I will remind all that I barely have a high school education, that I only started writing 3 years ago, but that I do take this seriously. It is the right of all to put into it only what they can afford to, in time, effort and sweat.
I enjoy this place. I'm glad people have made lasting friendships here. Even from the sidelines I enjoy seeing friendships develop. It gives hope in what I see as a very cruel, hard world.
Now about the book. I sense Ron as a very caring man, doubtless good Christian, certainly far more generous than I. Besides the honest statement that I want control of my work (which may never go anywhere) I'll admit that I felt politics play too much a role in the selections. Poems receiving up to 6 times the comments than they otherwise would have solely because it was of personal benefit to the commentor. Yes, life is give and take, tit for tat, one hand washes the other etc, but does not integrity play a role in the creation of art? And would not the artist take far greater pride in his (her) creation knowing that it stands alone? What effort I put into my writing is in its content and not its hopeful wake.
I'll try to be a better neighbor and will address all who think this arrogant with the question....if I'm so damn smart than how did this happen?
.
.
.
"A few honest men are better than numbers"
                    -Oliver Cromwell 1643  

suthern
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15 posted 2003-04-18 10:51 AM


I think the narrow focus isn't so much a result of your words as that it seems that every few months or so, someone has a beef with the way people respond... and over time, I've developed a beef with their beefs. LOL Personally, I've been taking advantage of the fact that I can vote without leaving ANY response. And I'd honestly been feeling guilty about doing that... but at least it can't be seen as trying to collect favors.

So yes... I zeroed in on a relatively limited portion of your post... and for that I apologize. My only excuse is that I've been around now for 26 forums and almost 4 years... and the complaints about some arbitrary "quality" for the responses has become a hot button for me. *S* But that's my problem... again, I apologize.

As I stated earlier, I've gleaned some things about you from your poetry... including the impression that you've known more than your share of hell... and that you've survived some situations on sheer will and grit. These impressions earned you my respect as a person... as a poet, you have my sincere admiration... whether I post a comment or not. *S* Your post just filled in some gaps... and made me even more impressed with how you've handled adversity... and yes, even more glad you picked up a pen to share your powerful works with us.

Chanson
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since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
16 posted 2003-04-18 10:55 AM


Hello RS Wells. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I certainly don't think you are arrogant and I certainly appreciate your honesty.  

On the subject of responses, ie the quality of the responses, I must respond. I am not the world's greatest responder. That is to say, I'm not good at offering witty or in-depth crits. When a poem moves me I simply say so. What sounds banal to some will be music to the ears of others. I don't try to guess what kind of responses poets want, I write what first comes to mind. My responses may be of few words but my short, "This poem is beautiful" responses are heartfelt and honest. Banal? Maybe to some poets who expect/need more, but to others, like myself, just knowing that my poem was read and someone cared enough to let me know they stopped by is enough and appreciated very much.

A kind word, a thoughtful crit, a smile...all mean the same to me, whether given in a hundred words or one. The fact that so many poems are posted daily I can only express my thankfulness that someone even chooses to read mine out of so many.

When I am stumped for that extra-special word or phrase to express my appreciation for someone's poem, I still can't just pass it by because the 'quality' of my response might not be up to snuff. I refuse to critique people's responses. I accept them for what they are...beautiful, kind people taking their valuable time to say, "I've read your poem today".  And that is enough for me.

That said, I DO understand why people might need more. More indepth crits, more substance to the responses, etc. I do not fault anyone for their personal preferences. You have expressed your opinion in a kind, non-threatening way.

Be well, RS. I'll be reading ya.  

Edited to correct typos.

*slapping my bumbling fingers*


[This message has been edited by Chanson (04-18-2003 11:02 AM).]

Janet Marie
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since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

17 posted 2003-04-18 11:06 AM


if I'm so damn smart than how did this happen?
==============================


because sometimes we ( being only human poets moths)... sometimes we think with our heart and lead with our emotions and just simply fly into the flame. Tis what we learn from the burn and how we use that in the future that will prove just how "bright our own light" can be. From what I see here in the responses to this...we are all learning from you, and from each other.
Seems to me that can only be a good thing. right?  When I said "youre too smart for your own good" I truly meant it as a compliment, and its got nothing to do with how much schooling one had. I stand by my words...I've read your poetry...
brilliance cant be measured by diplomas.

regards2you
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18 posted 2003-04-18 11:32 AM




Richard?

~Hugs!~

Pat


..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

nakdthoughts
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Between the Lines
19 posted 2003-04-18 12:23 PM


Richard, I would have preferred to email, but see you don't have one.

I stopped reading the responses to this thread and only read your initial post and those to others after.

Many of us have often discussed the responses of others, some who just say "enjoyed" others who go into depth and take the poem as meaning a present day happening or mood and others who can relate.

I usually write as a diary to myself, marking my progress in life at this time. Yet, if there is a challenge I will attempt. I have been guilty of being called
a writer of fluff, but I guess at those moments, I was feeling that way.

Every one has their own definition of what is good or great poetry. You write with tremendous insight and I may at times be guilty of not responding. To be honest with you, I have led a rather sheltered or naive life. I read the papers, have a good educational background, but have not been exposed to much crime, or abuse, living in an area where doors are often left unlocked even at night.

So when poets as yourself, or Serenity, or wranx and a few other exceptional poets expose in their writings something I can't quite grasp, I have problems responding properly. Sometime I only read, other times I try to express how I felt about the meaning behind the words. But I am not a witty person, nor do I have a great sense of humor.

I am a very serious person, going through a serious change in my life, but am very sensitive and honest to a fault.

When I was deciding which poems to submit for Reflections, I chose those that had a meaning to me, even if others thought I had better ones or could do better.

This is a time in my life that brings on depression. I felt guilty for the loss of my marriage and  friends we have in common.

I, too, was on Zoloft a year ago and decided it broke my will and let me be pushed in directions instigated by another.
After which I became violently ill, with my body releasing it's stress hourly, 24 hours a day (pardon me) by throwing up for over 6 months.

I went through 5 different kinds of doctors, over $3000.00 in savings to finally go to a public clinic where the Doctor gave me another older medicine which almost immediately slowed down my symptoms.

Our past, and stress and being disappointed in life) in my case a divorce after 30 years of marriage) at our ages(I am going to be 54) takes its toll and what has happened in  the past as mistakes or wrong choices, can come back to haunt us.

I just want you to know that I understand and can't believe anyone would ever chastise you or anyone of us for how we feel, if we are not hurting anyone else.

I also understand your thoughts on being published as I have also read in other places that your poems aren't to be recorded anywhere else if you want to be published in some magazines and books or anthologies.

Just know that there are many on here who may have lives in common with you and if you need to release or need support we are here.

I am not sure where you live, I thought once you mentioned it in a profile. But if you  are near me, then you are near a few others who I am sure would be happy to make your acquaintance and be good listeners.

I just felt a need to let you know the above.
And I know this wasn't for sympathy.
Your poems and responses always show a courage that I have not yet found.

Maureen/Alicethruglass/Lady Ollyne

p.s. I hide behind the different names depending on my moods

Nightshade
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just out of reach
20 posted 2003-04-18 02:59 PM


Richard, I find myself being drawn back to this thread since it was first posted. I am confused. Quite possibly this could be do to the fact that I am on Zoloft....really I am. Maybe my thinking is clouded from it, but I don't think so. I know that my poetry which was accepted into the book was not that good. I was surprised, no, shocked to receive notice that two had been chosen. Trust has been an issue for me as well for a long time now, so I was almost waiting for another letter stating that "sorry, we have found two better poems to take the place of yours." Terrible to live that way isn't it?
  Yet, it sure felt good to think some people enjoyed them. As for signing to be accepted, yes, I probably did when I first joined Passions. I also was stressed to the max when I didn't get many resoponses to my work. Then, after my breakdown last year at this time, I realized that there were honest people out here that really cared. Some have helped me understand that if I, myself sit back after I have written something, and say "hey, I like this" - that's the best compliment of all.
   I wish that there wasn't a way to reply to posted poems - that way there would be no hurt feelings & no performance anxiety. Just a place to post and read the feelings, hopes and dreams of others.
   All of us have different educational backgrounds as well as life experiences. This makes comparing my work say with yours....impossible. I never got to finish highscool. Yet, I believe we all have an embedded need for an occasional "hug" of words from our peers.
   I will be 53 to-morrow, and life is still giving me kicks in the shins. lol. It's all a learning experience so they tell me. By all rights, I should have a degree in something by now! I applaud you for your openess and admire your poetry. Hope I have not rambled too much. Happy Easter! Chris

RSWells
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since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533

21 posted 2003-04-18 04:09 PM


To say I am overwhelmed would be gross understatement. Not only with the generous response of giving people (whose existence here was already known) but the testimony of kind hearts with whom I've had little correspondence.

I beg everyone to leave the book (non)issue rest. I am not the one putting the hard work into its construction nor lifted a finger to make it possible. I never intended for this post to be a lightning rod for the criticism of what is an ambitious undertaking and one which all who are involved should take pride.

I've no doubt the determination of entries was far more democratic than I could have devised and wish it well.

That anyone should, in any way feel dispirited over the postings of an admitted madman with issues pre-dating the New York Times breaks my heart.

That all who desire should be represented in it is right. The quality of the poetry is something I'm mostly not privy to since I admitted I fell away from it, only partially because I saw politics from a few who seemingly came out of the woodwork in an abundance of loquacity not previously seen from a few individuals. People do what they feel they have to do and the very faulty I will not cast stones.

We are all human here. These web sites are man made. What should be included in the definition of man and automatic in defining humans is that we are not perfect.

Far be it from me to say what is or is not an appropriate comment. Some people freely give their smile in passing to strangers. God bless them. The oft' depressed I casts down his eyes probably fearing what in despair would seem mirrors.

Maureen and Chris....God bless you. It took more courage for both of you to post here than I who is often caught in the capricious winds of reckless abandon.

To any and all who've been hurt here please;

Forgive me

Nightshade
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just out of reach
22 posted 2003-04-18 06:19 PM


caught in the capricious winds of reckless abandon.

See what I mean? lol. Even when writing a sentence, your words blow me away. lol.
Oh, Richard, there is nothing to forgive. You have just posted your feelings and well..this forum is named "Feelings" isn't it? No problemo.
  Don't keep your eyes downcast too much, avoiding receiving smiles as well as returning them. For as they say, "some have entertained angels without even knowing."
  As for our pasts....they are just that.
  Shall we forge ahead to a better day? Yes lets! I am proud to know you Richard, even if it is just on these pages of blue. Have a wonderful Easter. Chris  

Chanson
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Up Creek w/Out Paddle
23 posted 2003-04-18 06:40 PM


Richard, I haven't been hurt so there is no need to ask for forgiveness. Sharing feelings...that's what we're doing, right? Right!
Cpat Hair
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24 posted 2003-04-18 06:50 PM


(chuckling)

Hey Richard... looks like some people aren''t all bad after all huh? I don't think anyone in here ever thought you were or that you meant harm... but what the heck... sometimes little misunderstandings and miscommunications can show us a lot about the people around us. I'd say you were in pretty good company here... up to you to know what to do with that.

RSWells
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since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533

25 posted 2003-04-19 12:54 PM


Yes Mssr. Ron, In truth those kind souls who responded to this thread were above and beyond (but not limited to) what I'd anticipated. I'm humbled but not shocked by the responses. I knew there were kind souls hereabouts. My time has not been spent in what most would consider the most pleasant company and if it matters I am humbled by the responses here.
Mysteria
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26 posted 2003-04-19 01:11 AM


It matters, as do you.  

Every person has a right to their own opinion, and sometimes people just agree to disagree, but that does not change the dynamics of their connection.  It looks like there is very constructive support in here for you, and it must be very nice to feel that support.  I hope things look up for you Richard, and Happy Easter. (Sing! You do that so well and there is nothing like music to soothe the soul, nothing.)

RSWells
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27 posted 2003-04-19 01:20 AM


God bless you Sharon, God bless you.
nakdthoughts
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since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
28 posted 2003-04-19 10:18 AM


I hope you are looking on the brighter side this morning...

M

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
29 posted 2003-04-19 03:03 PM



Richard...there is renewal in everything...and being that tomorrow is Easter, I hope that a little light will be displayed into the darker areas of your life, and that you will feel a lift of heart...

it's nothing less than what you deserve.


Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
30 posted 2003-04-24 03:46 PM


Closed at the request of the originator.
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