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Advice

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poohbear19
Member
since 02-02-2003
Posts 101
Colorado, USA


0 posted 02-03-2003 05:55 PM       View Profile for poohbear19   Email poohbear19   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for poohbear19


My brother and I don't get along sometimes and now he is moving out, I think it is going to be good and I do want him to move out but deep down I don't want him to move out. If he moves out I was thinking that would bring us closer because he won't be in the same house and we won't have to see each other all the time...does anyone think that would help bring us closer or what?

Please help.

Andrea
defenestrate
Junior Member
since 01-10-2003
Posts 47
nc, us


1 posted 02-04-2003 03:56 AM       View Profile for defenestrate   Email defenestrate   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for defenestrate

i know that separation physically helped me make peace with my family, but different problems have different solutions. now i often find myself wishing i had been around them more during some of the times i was purposely or semipurposely avoiding them.
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


2 posted 02-04-2003 06:44 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine


Is he moving out because you don't get along, or is he going to school, or into the service?  A lot of questions that need to be answered before any suggestions or advice can be given.  If he is young and moving out simply because the two of you don't get along, that's a fairly serious situation where you two need/should get your act together and make amends; perhaps space and time will help.

But if he is moving out to get on with his life, go to school, to join the service, etc., and you two have had some bad words, then perhaps now is the time to say, "I'm sorry for all the things I have said that hurt you..." because it sounds like you're not wanting him to leave on bad terms.

Good luck!
poohbear19
Member
since 02-02-2003
Posts 101
Colorado, USA


3 posted 02-04-2003 05:16 PM       View Profile for poohbear19   Email poohbear19   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for poohbear19

Thank you all for your advice and my brother is moving out to see if he can make it on his own.

Andrea
Barbara Trautman
Member
since 10-23-2002
Posts 91


4 posted 02-04-2003 10:00 PM       View Profile for Barbara Trautman   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Barbara Trautman

I am a grandma now.  When my oldest son was 15 he moved out of our home.  He has his original family, mother, father, and younger brother intact.  No divorce, no problems except for him.  He started pushing against authority, refused guidance, skipped school, occasionally took money that didn't belong to him.  Eventually, there was no peace for him or us.  He moved out after coming home a long time after a city curfew and his dad locked the front door hoping he would knock.  But he knew he would be in for a lecture and just left.  The next day he moved his clothes out (after breaking a window to get in) and never came back.  He went on to school, worked at a local store, went to Vietnam, got married and divorced.  But through all this when his younger brother reached his 40's I learned that his brother thought it had been his fault his older brother had left!  I was totally shaken.  All those years of misplaced guilt.  Please, oh please, after this long 'round about way of getting here, don't ever feel it is your fault he left.  He has his own agenda and you won't know until perhaps years later what the real reason is.  I would implore you to stay in touch with him.  Write to him, send him small presents, write him a poem.  Anything to let him know you care.  He is wrong to leave if your home is stable.  He is shortchanging his future and you should never think of following in his footsteps.  No doubt your parents are hurting beyond what you can fathom right now so be kind to them also.  You will cry and you should but never stop being kind to the others in your family.  My heart bleeds for you -- I have been there and I can tell you that the wound has never healed.  At times I even wished my son were dead because at least then I would know where he was and I could mourn him and end it all.  But I didn't know and I didn't know who was influencing him.  Time passed and we have re-established a kind of relationship but he will never feel comfortable at home again.  I mourn this every day of my life and will go to my grave feeling this way.  Please try not to feel it is your fault in any way.  I wish you much happiness and you will find it if you don't let your brother escape your love.  Barb
P.S.  I'm sorry this was so long but it came poring out of my heart.  Much love to you.
poohbear19
Member
since 02-02-2003
Posts 101
Colorado, USA


5 posted 02-05-2003 08:13 PM       View Profile for poohbear19   Email poohbear19   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for poohbear19

Well thank you Barbara, and I appreciate it. I know why he moved out, it was to see if he could make it on his own. I just don't want him to leave because I think I'm afraid I won't see him as much and I'm hoping that since I won't see him as much that we'll get along better....I hope so. But thank you again for your advice.

Andrea
abbe
Member
since 01-20-2003
Posts 133
michigan, usa


6 posted 02-06-2003 11:30 AM       View Profile for abbe   Email abbe   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for abbe

lucky me... i have 2 brothers... but there wasn't always a spirit of family love when we were at home.  i fought constantly with my older brother, but when he moved, somehow he became my ideal of what the single life lived well should be.  when i graduated from high school i went to live with him and his bride of about a year for a while.  he is the one who always comes when life goes to hell - the rock in the family...

my other brother has always been my best friend.  bye the way, i'm not a spring chicken... i could be a grannie by now... great relationships take a lifetime to build and take work.    years from now your intimate friends will be a memory... but, your brother will still be there when you need him.  well, at least, that's how it turned out for me.

good luck with it....
poohbear19
Member
since 02-02-2003
Posts 101
Colorado, USA


7 posted 02-06-2003 05:38 PM       View Profile for poohbear19   Email poohbear19   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for poohbear19

yeah i have 2 older brothers too, one is in college.

andrea
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


8 posted 02-07-2003 12:12 AM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

I get along GREAT with everyone in my family... as long as I don't live with them. Good luck!
PoetryIsLife
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 10-27-2001
Posts 4115
...in my boxers...


9 posted 02-07-2003 01:45 AM       View Profile for PoetryIsLife   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for PoetryIsLife

I'm in the same boat, although, with me, it's my sister and I.

~Titus

Es ist gut, daß das Leben die Toten studieren sollte.

poohbear19
Member
since 02-02-2003
Posts 101
Colorado, USA


10 posted 02-07-2003 05:41 PM       View Profile for poohbear19   Email poohbear19   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for poohbear19

Well I hope everything works out with your sister, and everyone has given me so much good advice that I think everything will work out with my brother and I.

Andrea
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