I lack any qualifications, based on experience, to respond to this post. But just evaluating the list of poets who responded is impressive, please listen to them.
The feelings we harbor are certainly real. I can't talk you out of them. However, from where I sit, your challenge isn't for doing the right thing and being acknowledged. It is when you indulge the "what if" thoughts, for which you suffer much guilt. And in this regard I can indeed empathize. My wife has had cancer and serious surgery. I know the "what if" thoughts.
So, in my humble opinion, your struggle is with the reality that you are human. There is no cure for that.
The fact remains, regardless of your disputing it, you are doing what very few would be willing to do. Not without baggage but non-the-less you are doing it.
My hat is off to you and your courage. And my heart goes out to you when your courage faulters. God bless you dear girl.
If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.
[This message has been edited by Larry C (12-17-2002 09:01 PM).]