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Kielo
Senior Member
since 02-11-2002
Posts 1259


0 posted 11-08-2002 01:50 AM       View Profile for Kielo   Email Kielo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kielo

I'm so incredibly frustrated. I guess I don't really expect anyone to read this. It's too long... but here it is anyway, for anyone who cares.

As usual, my problem started with a guy. They always do. I have two very close friends, both of whom are in love with him.

The first friend, Jane, has dated the guy, Nathan, twice. Both times she's dumped him. The first time because she was just sick of him always being around, and the second time because he practically ignored her; didn't reply to emails, never called, things like that. Now I don't know his side, so this is most likely accurate, but not for sure. Anyway, she likes him... again.

My other friend, Melissa, also likes him. A while ago he liked her in return, but no one knows what he thinks anymore. In Jane's defense, it should be noted that when Melissa wanted to know what was going on between her and Nathan, she wanted someone to ask him for her. She asked Jane to do it. Jane did, and to this day I don't think Melissa understands what a sacrifice that was for Jane, who liked him at the time.

I should take the time to clarify that, having never loved, and not planning to, and in fact, generally disliking the male species, I have never been afflicted like this, and I perhaps don't relate well. A while ago, my only problem was that I just don't like Nathan. He is one of the most annoying guys I know. Now, though, I couldn't care less about how annoying he is. Other things upset me far more.

I value both my friends dearly, I love them, and several things worry me about the situation. First, that one of them will be disappointed. I know it will happen. Also, they are both upset by the other girl flirting with Nathan, or, as Melissa put it, "flinging" themselves on him. This strains their friendship; in fact, I'm not even sure they have one anymore. Jane runs away all the time, or so Melissa says. This irks Melissa. In fact, Melissa is quite angry with Jane, for various reasons. I'm sure I don't know them all. However, I can understand that Jane doesn't want to watch Melissa and Nathan together. Just the other night the situation from Jane's point of view made her cry. Melissa is angry, Jane is heartbroken, and I'm stuck in the middle. I love them both, but they are nearing hating each other.

One of my main problems with this is that they complain to me, and I can't tell them how the other feels. They need to work it out for themselves. I can't just make it all better, so I'm stuck here, in the middle, where anything I say can make someone angry. I suppose I have a right to be angry, but it just makes me depressed.

On Sunday they are going to talk, or at least that's what Melissa and I have planned. I'm going to be there to make sure they don't lose control. Melissa is worred about getting extremely angry. She does that. Although the discussion could solve things if they're honest, I'm afraid. It could also make things much worse. If the discussion blows up, and they hate each other, I suppose it's only a faster road to where they're headed, but then I'm well and truly stuck in the middle, between two girls whom I love dearly but who hate each other, and they'll both hate me too, then.

I keep sighing, and sighing. The whole situation makes me very depressed. The situation as it is is bad enough. I don't even want to think about imagining it worse. What will I do if this doesn't get fixed?

Kielo

*sigh*

[This message has been edited by Kielo (11-08-2002 07:02 PM).]

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 10-29-2000
Posts 19275
Between the Lines


1 posted 11-09-2002 05:18 PM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

It's a no win situation for you and to be honest you shouldn't have anything to do with it at all..if they were real friends to each other before, they would never go after the same guy... and for you to be drawn into it and to be a go between makes me think they are not truly your friends either...This guy is the one breaking up the relationships..and  if they can't see this then tell them so and let them deal with it and also tell them you don't want to be the one to keep peace..either one accepts that the other is seeing him or they both don't see him...but to leave you out of it, until they make a decision.

Sorry if this sounds harsh...but you know there are some very serious problems in life..and this is really minor in comparison...save yourself from this and tell them to solve it on their own..you are not their keeper...and if they walk away from your friendship..then the truth is..they don't know how to be a real friend.
hugging you,
Your Adoptive Mother Maureen
Kielo
Senior Member
since 02-11-2002
Posts 1259


2 posted 11-09-2002 05:21 PM       View Profile for Kielo   Email Kielo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kielo

I know that's what I SHOULD do... it doesn't make it easier. And yes, I do know there are harder things in life. I've been through a few of them. Neither of them are dating the guy, though, and Melissa, as far as I know, isn't sure whether or not Jane likes him. It's a mess, I know that much.

I actually considered just going out with him myself to show them how stupid they're being, but I don't have it in me to do that. I'm just not that kind of person.

Anyway, thank you for bothering to read all that.

Kielo
nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 10-29-2000
Posts 19275
Between the Lines


3 posted 11-10-2002 08:47 AM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

Just try not to let this stay with you or eventually the worry will become an illness..take it from one who knows...I am so super sensitive to outside stimuli that I worry  unconciously about everything...
now I am in a divorce situation..one that I finally am not outwardly worrying about but  eventually I let it get to me so much that I have been sick for more than a year.
Something that no doctor could really find a cure for until recently..believe me when I tell you, worrying can make your body sick...and unnecessary worry is  even worse.

Tell them each of your feelings and fears about friendship.Do it separately or together..then let them decide  whether the 3 way friendship is more important than a love interest that hasn't happened yet.
And once again I'm
hugging you (email me any time if you would like to let me know how things are going .. I am thinking of you but not worrying)

Maureen
 
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