Member Rara Avis
Hey, Duncan. Still workin' on that belltower idea.
You brought up something I hadn't thought about -- that for some, love can be such a compromise, that you erase your personality in order to be with them. I've seen that happen many times with friends, and it's a hard thing for them to break out of (they can get very depressed when things go wrong, because now they have to rebuild themselves, not just the hole left by a sour relationship)
I was like that a bit with my first relationship. I ended up throwing out CDs I liked, went to church with her a few times, stuff like that. But in the end, our differences were too great, and I valued myself a little bit too much to let him sink into the ether.
I’ve always thought that love was kind of like tennis. It doesn’t really matter how good a player you are, if the person across the net can’t hit the ball back to you…it isn’t gonna be a good game, for anyone.
I like that analogy. Though it brings up the sticky question of why, in tennis, "Love" is the same as a score of zero.
Anyway, I met this girl awhile back who not only is able to keep the ball going with me but who truly recognized, appreciated and nurtured the best in me. And I have found this love to be very different than any I’ve known before. So, all that to say this…I think love, real love, helps me to love myself, because it reflects the best in me.
That's wonderful. I think by the wonder and awe and "How did it happen to me?" quality of what you wrote, it's obvious you've found love. I'm glad for you. (it's how I feel with Lori, too)
And yes, trust is a tough issue. It *is* scary. It goes back to being vulnerable, and it's a feeling no one likes. But, again, without that trust, I think it's only a matter of time before things go sour. I think love should be about sharing everything -- your happinesses and your sadnesses alike -- and when you come up against that wall, that shield, it's very frustrating. Good luck to you!
And I love your little list at the end. Love really is about the small moments (which turn out larger than the largest crisises you'll face)
Thanks for such an in-depth response!
"I fall into your arms."