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Forgive and Forget...right?
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Forgive and Forget...right? |
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my3monkeytoes Member
since 2002-05-11
Posts 152In the Carolina Breeze |
Hi family. I've been struggling to write a poem or two today, but ended up backing out of the screen on which I usually create. I'm dying for an outlet...a release of emotion, but it's just not happening poetically (or is it poeticly?). This is a first. I just want to know everyone's views on the "forgive and forget" thing, as I seem to be having a difficult time with something that happened many moons ago. My head tells me that as a Christian, which I am and have my personal beliefs, I should forgive and forget and be done with any negatives that resulted from what it was that I have to forgive and forget. I find this easy to "know", but oh-so difficult to do. My heart tells me that I can forgive, but never forget...but hopefully in time this poison of ache will leave me over what it is that I'm supposed to forgive AND forget. My self, however, is not willing to forgive nor forget. What a battle. Anyone else ever have this problem? ~SM |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
You already have the answer. Without knowing the details, it is hard to be able to say, "just do it." Perhaps to say, it takes time, prayer, and more time...is enough for now. I can't think of anyone over ten, these days, that probably hasn't been in your shoes. In some cases, it is just a more extreme incident than others... I wish you the best. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
To forgive is important - Failure to forgive will only serve to fester within yourself. The other party will not be affected in the least. Also, we can only expect from others the extent of their own capabilities... To look for more is to set ourselves up for failure... To forget? - Let's say to 'put aside' and 'learn' from the experience. If we fail to learn from the lessons we've been given, then we're bound to have to relive them. Let's rephrase it - Let's say "Forgive and Learn"... Whatcha think?? |
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Irie Senior Member
since 1999-12-01
Posts 1493Washington State |
I agree with Nan. I also feel that you can forgive with out forgetting but, if you don't forget, did you really forgive? What I mean by this is, if you think about it later, will it anger you again? Will you bring it up in the future? Hence, sometimes you need to forget before you can forgive. This really is a vicious circle, and being a Christian my self, I know what we are supposed to do, and you’re right, at times it is easier said than done. Not knowing what it is that you’re dealing with, I can’t really say much more, except… WWJD? I hope you find an answer soon...... ~Sheri |
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GRMcLean Junior Member
since 2002-06-19
Posts 10 |
Thanks you three for lending me your words. Yep, easier said than done. Without writing a book, I can let you know that I DID forgive. The affair that ended my 8 year marriage was not easy to forgive, but I did. The "forget" part does take a while. I like how you termed it, Nan, "forgive and learn". It's been over 3 years since my divorce, now. Ex married his paramour (the one who was with him for 2 years before I even knew about the affair!) just 5 months after our divorce, which occurred rather quickly. So, I've had a chunky-monkey amount of mess to get over and deal with, considering we share two sons. My upset-ed-ness comes from this, though: The ex's wife continues to "play" on what has happened to me. For example, she will show up to pick up our children with her Victoria's Secret lingerie in the back seat, or she will send (I know it's intentional!) store bags home with the boy's dirty clothes in them...all the stores being either pink and white striped VS bags, or maternity store bags. Never would she send a grocery bag or a toys r us bag, because she's trying to make a "statement". This woman stands behind me at my son's baseball games making "hog calls" (do you know those...Suuuuuuuie?), which really bothers me, as I have just had a baby. She cuts my youngest son's hair. Even when he doesn't need a hair cut. Just so she can have my child return home with her "mark". She sends all my child support checks, and signs them. She addresses the checks without using my last name (which is the same as hers, now that she has married my ex). She curses me and hangs up on me when I call their home to speak with my sons when they are on visitation...THE LIST GOES ON! So, I feel I am continually on demand for exercising "forgive and forget". Believe me, compared with the constant things I have to deal with now...the "forgiving" of the affair was the easy part. On top of it all, just after she insults me, talks about my "spots" (I'm assuming she is talking about my freckles), or says something really hateful, she clasps her hands together and then looks toward the sky saying, "Please forgive me. I am a Christian, and I know I am better than her." She is psycho, as far as I'm concerned. Obviously threatened by me, but harassing none-the-less. That's all of my book. Any suggestions on how to continue to let this roll off my back without stress...PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!! ~SM |
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GRMcLean Junior Member
since 2002-06-19
Posts 10 |
Shoot! Just to let you know...that (above) was me. I really need to get my husband a seperate computer from me....I FORGET TO LOG IN UNDER MY SCREEN NAME!!! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
I DO forgive...unfortunately I don't forget. I just try to use the knowledge to not let it happen again......  [This message has been edited by Balladeer (07-10-2002 07:13 AM).] |
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