Thanks you three for lending me your words. Yep, easier said than done.
Without writing a book, I can let you know that I DID forgive. The affair that ended my 8 year marriage was not easy to forgive, but I did. The "forget" part does take a while. I like how you termed it, Nan, "forgive and learn".
It's been over 3 years since my divorce, now. Ex married his paramour (the one who was with him for 2 years before I even knew about the affair!) just 5 months after our divorce, which occurred rather quickly. So, I've had a chunky-monkey amount of mess to get over and deal with, considering we share two sons.
My upset-ed-ness comes from this, though: The ex's wife continues to "play" on what has happened to me. For example, she will show up to pick up our children with her Victoria's Secret lingerie in the back seat, or she will send (I know it's intentional!) store bags home with the boy's dirty clothes in them...all the stores being either pink and white striped VS bags, or maternity store bags. Never would she send a grocery bag or a toys r us bag, because she's trying to make a "statement". This woman stands behind me at my son's baseball games making "hog calls" (do you know those...Suuuuuuuie?), which really bothers me, as I have just had a baby. She cuts my youngest son's hair. Even when he doesn't need a hair cut. Just so she can have my child return home with her "mark". She sends all my child support checks, and signs them. She addresses the checks without using my last name (which is the same as hers, now that she has married my ex). She curses me and hangs up on me when I call their home to speak with my sons when they are on visitation...THE LIST GOES ON!
So, I feel I am continually on demand for exercising "forgive and forget". Believe me, compared with the constant things I have to deal with now...the "forgiving" of the affair was the easy part.
On top of it all, just after she insults me, talks about my "spots" (I'm assuming she is talking about my freckles), or says something really hateful, she clasps her hands together and then looks toward the sky saying, "Please forgive me. I am a Christian, and I know I am better than her." She is psycho, as far as I'm concerned. Obviously threatened by me, but harassing none-the-less.
That's all of my book. Any suggestions on how to continue to let this roll off my back without stress...PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!!