»
Discussion
»
Feelings
»
a conundrum of questions
| Feelings |
|
a conundrum of questions |
|
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
|
"so many questions...so little time..." Okay..first question...do you believe in a twin flame of soul? and part (a) of question one--assuming that you do, if you suspected that you knew of the existance of that person, to what extent, would you go, to meet them...and part (b) upon meeting them, how much of a safe life would you gamble, to be with them? whew...second question...and here is a question to which I've never heard a satisfactory answer--but? here goes--if you know, that there has been some damage done to your psyche'--and you are stuck in a pattern of welcoming a cycle of abuse, and, yes, you have the realization of this, how do you change the subconsicous reaction of embracing the familiar--the automated response--I refer to as a biology of pain? In other words, I think, that most can recognize a destructive pattern, but how do we break that? and part (a) of question two...suppose the chosen reaction is avoidance? How can you break the pattern of that avoidance? question three...when, if ever, does trying to trust again become stupidity? signed, sleepless in N'Awlins... |
||
| © Copyright 2002 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Would you quit hitting home so well? I'll be back... |
||
|
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
The pattern of our existance is one of 'thought-word-deed'... In other words - We think and percieve of each and every aspect of our lives... We verbalize it... We become it... We become 'stuck' in patterns because we 'see' those patterns as our own realities. One way to consciously break a habit (and it is just a habit) is to reverse the order... It takes a great deal of resolve, of course... Act first (to remove ourselves from harm's way), talk about it second (process it - learn 'new' habits), and finally perceive ourselves with new vision. We then can grow beyond that purgatory and begin to see ourselves differently... It's not easy.. But it IS possible...  |
||
|
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
** Ok, I¡m in the mood to write so let¡s pretend we're sitting here on the couch/sofa just chatting. (thank you for the homemade lemonade by the way, it brings back memories of my childhood) Do I believe in a twin flame of soul? Sigh- wouldn't that be lovely? To find someone that just "fits" you to a T? Someone who instinctively knows that you don't like to be interrupted when you¡¦re reading a good book or someone who won¡¦t question you when you say "I'm going for a walk to get some inspiration." Would my twin be the same one that I searched for as a teen? I think HE would not like ME now! And I'm not so sure I'd like a "rock and roll sax player" at MY age!  As we grow (notice I don't say older)we change! It's something that happens to all of us (I hope). So shouldn't our "ideal" change also? Would the flame of my youth turn me on today? Nope! At 17, if I could have forseen who I'm attracted to today would I have been excited? Probably not (though my core values remain the same, my outlook on life has changed a lot. (Just a side note here while you fill my glass again) one of the reasons for my divorce was because my ex couldn't change - he was stuck in the 60's and had a lot of the OLD beliefs that his very rigid parents taught him) If there is a twin flame (and for argument sake let's say there is) What would I do to meet them? If I thought for one second that my feelings were returned, I'd quit my job and go after him. If you are truly meant to be together and there is no impediment (like a rottweiler or a current spouse) then you should be together. I think we've been shown that life is too precious to waste! But if I wasn't sure of my "flame"? Then I'd do just as I am now..hold back. Fear of being rejected I guess! Would I gamble my safe life? Yes. Money is nice, but you don't have to have money to be happy. "Material things" are nice - but who needs them when you laugh together over thunderstorms and snowdrifts? Now the last question: How to break a destructive habit/relationship/cycle. First you have to admit that you know it is destructive to you or those around you. Take small steps to change. Don't expect to be transformed overnight. Today, break the habit while you think about it. Tomorrow try to break it more  For instance if you're in a cycle of excessive drinking that's bad for you but it's an escape? Find out WHY or from WHAT you're escaping. How can you stop drinking if you still have that other issue hanging over your head. If you're in a bad relationship? This is harder and yet at some level easier. Walk away. I know! I know!! I've been told before that my ideas about this are too simplistic. What about the kids? What about money? Where will I live? What will I do? Think about it - if there is physical abuse - the next slap could be the last slap - you could be dead. Then what will happen to your kids? I think people want an easy way out - a quick solution. I have female friends that have gone from man to man hoping the next one will save her from the last one. A woman needs to save herself!!! It's hard! I know! I lived for years in a VERY bad part of town (I was afraid to go outside at night)we lived near an open field and there were drunks there all the time, sleeping or beating each other up. They would knock on my door at all hours of the day and night (thank God I had a big dog who barked!). My son and I did the yard work for the complex so we got a discount on our rent. There was no washer and dryer there and when my car broke down I was on the busline for almost a year. Do you know what it's like walking to the Laundromat every other day to wash a load of clothes? (1/2 mile one way) It's NOT easy being a woman on your own. But the satisfaction I feel now? I bought my own house. I bought a new car. I feel GOOD about those achievements! I know that wouldn't work for everyone, but sometimes you just have to walk in the valley of the shadow before you appreciate the mountain highs! Trying to trust is VERY hard for me. I'm a private person - a female hermit at times..because I've been hurt. I continue to be hurt in small ways - even by people who say they care about me. I smile and go on. And a bit of my trust gets chipped away. If it happens too often, I find it harder and harder to trust someone ... anyone. WHEW! Did I write all this? I'm sorry! [This message has been edited by Poet deVine (06-07-2002 09:04 PM).] |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
baby....if I had the answers to all this...Id be sending you vials.  Seriously tho....I used to think I had it all figured out and had a plan but somewhere a long the line I got lost...so now...Im real good at putting on band-aids....problem is..they cry off. Nan and Sharon give really good advice... I get given some of the most excellent advice from a very wise friend all the time... I just dont know how to apply it to my life at this time....I guess when we are REALLY ready to make changes or take chances...the advice will become the answers. Define "safe" baby....is the words happy and fullfilled in the definition? probably not... But still we opt for "safe" (security) you asked "when, if ever, does trying to trust again become stupidity?" I dont think its about stupidity...its about putting faith in the wrong person too many times...if we constantly forgive someone something and try and trust them and they keep repeating their past abuses of that trust...then after awhile we have to learn that they arent worthy of our trust and we are wasting our time on them. Thats more than enough of my mothy wisdom  Did I mention I got Powerpuff Girl Bandaids.   |
||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I guess I wanted someone to tell me what to do... but thank you, Nan--? that's great advice--I used to give advice like that--smile...and sharon? that's such s lovely bit of your soul...Jan? I know that you weep too... damn...it's the hormones..REALLY.  |
||
bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
I seem to be wholely dispossessed of the idea of sleeping, so .... here goes. I believe in soul-shards, but not twin flame. Twin flame would mean yr the same in every way, even made of the same thing (flame). With soul-shard, you at least have the option of comin' from the middle, or an edge. And with a shard, it's not just a duality -- who knows how many shards there are? As for what you'd gamble to be with them? Pretty much everything. Like, for Lori, I'm willing to forsake California (with all of its problems) and a job I'm just now nestling into so I can throw myself into a life 2,000 miles away, in a different country, with who knows how much of a time to adjust. But for her, yes, I'll do it ... As for your cycle of abuse question (which you reduced down to bein' in a rut of the mind) -- to break out of the rut, you do a violent change. To break out of my rut in New Hampshire, I ripped myself up and threw myself down 3,000 miles away in California. We all gravitate toward the familiar ... I wanted to screw everything that was familiar and basically have a clean start. Which is a lot more romantic and ideal than the reality, a'course, but it still helped (and hurt). If you're building yourself up to avoid, I guess the only way out is to realize, after years and years wasted, that it's time to stop avoiding. Or you can keep closin' your eyes until they're closed permanently and six feet below (unless a cool N.O. flood comes in and causes the corpses to uproot!). Question three is hard 'cause it's vague how you've worded it. Obviously, some people you cannot learn to trust again. To do so would be detrimental to both of you. But, for others, trust is a start to healing and understanding -- maybe even forgiveness. Or at least a little piece of mind. I'm not sure how much any of that helped you, but it sure made me ready to finally, finally sleep.... Thank you! mike These smiling eyes are just a mirror for the sun. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
