I used to think...
that letting go meant losing,
and leaving meant that time would stop exactley where I stood. Without you, I was no one, and my life would end, the day you didnt love me anymore.
But now I see......
that not everything is forever,
and you can't hold on to something that was never really yours. Despite the ring on my finger, and our one year old son. These things dont make a marriage, and they dont make me who I am.
I still wonder......
sometimes late at night, what you're thinking.And I catch myself slipping, into that comfort zone I created. Where pretending was good enough, and tommorow didnt matter, as long as you were lying next to me at night.But then the nights grew cold and lonely, and I forgot what it meant to truly be in love.
I used to blame you......
Becuase you couldnt just grow up enough to need me. You couldnt realize how beautiful I actually was. And all the while I let you make me believe that I wasn't anymore. I believed that I was useless if I couldnt make you happy.
Then I blamed myself.....
For staying as long as I did, when I knew I couldnt change you. For loving as much as I did, when I knew it would only hurt in the long run. For forcing your son on you, when I could have just walked away. And I see you, and it kills me to know, that I cant take care of you anymore, despite how much you want me to.
I took my rings off sometime ago.........
And now I thank you, for letting me go. For hurting me the way you did. I grew up loving you, from just 14 years old. And you taught me a lot. You taught the difference between wanting, and being used to the way someone makes you feel. Between needing, and pretending that fairytales would make everything okay. The differenc between missing a person, and feeling like you failed in making them who they should be.Between trusting someone and believing just becuase it is easier then facing the truth.
And I realize you were right........
I am better off without you.
Anyone else ever been there????
[This message has been edited by ambermize (05-16-2002 07:29 PM).]