When best friends grow to be more ......help

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krystlebabe19
Junior Member

since 2001-11-09

Posts 27

0 posted 2002-02-27 01:12 PM

ok well I have this really bad situation that I can't seem to get off my mind or stop thinking about . Hear goes Mike and me have been pretty good friends since like 7 grade he lives right up the road from me so its cool . Well I thought atleast so Mike is also friends with one of my other guy friends Dale . Dale and me go tot he same school and Mike and Dales girlfriend go to the same school. So to get to the point Dale and his gf asked me to come out with him and his girl and Mike so ofcourse not thinking anything of it I said yes . Well we went out that night and things went really well so we started talking on the phone 24-7 I mean we talked about everything it was great he made me laugh so much . So every weekend we kept goig out wth Dale and his girl friend , I mean we would do the things that bf and gf would do we jsut wernt offical I guess. So finally after hanging out for like a moth together Mike finially asked me out. I was soooooo happy I mean what could I ask for ? I had a great friend and my boyfriend all in one. Well thats what I thought. So we talked as normal on the phone but when it came to hanging out with just us it felt really weride like cuz have always been w/Dale and his gf too. So after a week of it bein kinda akward he broke up with me said we were better off as friends . So of course I care abou him alot so i wasnt gonna say no . So we broke up I mean I thought I would be happier but honestly I dont think I have ever been so sad I miss him sooo much and Honestly I wanna go back to how it was like the day beofr he asked me out Like to be able to kiss and do the things we were doin just not havin the weridess of feeling like we had to hang out alone and stuff. I mean we usted to kiss and all that we jsut wernt considered goin out . That what I want back so bad. But he broke up with me on saturday and honestly had changed towards me like hes not as nice and he doesnt even call me anymore like he used to please I would love it sooo much if u guyz could write what u think he feels or what u think I should do. Cuz I feel so confused right now ...thank you for your time

~Krystle

Alicat
Member Elite

since 1999-05-23

Posts 4094
Coastal Texas

1 posted 2002-02-27 01:27 PM

This may not be what you want to hear, but I got a feeling this revolves around emotional maturity. It could very well be that neither of you are adequately equipped to deal with the convoluted emotions which being best friends, dating, then going back to best friends can bring. It. Is. Hard. This ain't to say you are deficient or inadequate...quite the opposite. Unfortunately, we only mature emotionally through experience, hard knocks, spade work, life struggles.

There has to be balance. If you are equipped to deal with the issue but he isn't, you will have imbalance (things just won't feel right). Likewise, if he is equipped, but you aren't. And if both of you are not equipped...only time will bring resolution.

Now, I've dated friends, even good and best friends, and they don't always work out. Yes, there is hurt. Yes, there is pain. Yes, there are mixed feelings and confusion. But it is possible to rise above that, to find the commonalities which fostered the friendship to begin with. Keep in mind, we can never go backwards, things will never 'be the same', for things change, people change, situations change, the water passes the bridge. Best we can do is to make do with what we have Now, and what might be Tomorrow.

It's a funny old world...break a bone, 8 weeks later, you're fine. Break a heart, and you may never heal...at least completely.

Pax Poeticus,

Alicat

“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most
intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” Charles Darwin

Moon Dust

Member Elite

since 1999-06-11

Posts 2177
Skelmersdale, UK

2 posted 2002-02-27 06:10 PM

I agree with Alicat i went out with a mate and we broke up not long after. And I wanted things back the way they was like you do now. I didnt see him for a while, but then we started talkin again and slowly became friends again. But it has never been the same even now. I'm ok with that because I changed 2.

Write what you feel, feel what you wrtie.

Christopher

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-02

Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration

3 posted 2002-02-27 08:12 PM

EXCELLENT reply Ali!

Ditto what Ali said 100%

C

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

4 posted 2002-03-04 01:23 AM

I agree somewhat with the guys above me, but to me thats just a scape goat. They just broke up Saturday and had a very short relatioship as 'going out'.. Yet they were close friends since 7th grade. There is obviously something there that equals some level of knowledge, respect, and general caring for each other.

Hun, the only thing I can tell you is this.. Don't hope for things to go back to the way they were before he asked you out in a day. Just wait and let things calm down. This was obviously a small roller coaster of feelings you both just went on. Sometimes people are dizzy and a bit unsettled after the sudden dips and turns.
Try calling him and casually talking for a minute or two about something you know will interest him. If he keeps up with the conoversation then great! If he still seems a bit slackish to you, then just as casually say bye and don't worry about it. Do the same thing a couple of days later. Don't let him push you out of the normalcy of both of your lives because he's a bit unsettled by what happened. Keep everything kewl and casual.

If things pick up a bit, move up to hanging out for a bit BY YOURSELVES and talking about neutral topics. Don't crash at his place for an hour at a time. Keep it short and simple. This will give it the feeling of how things used to be for the both of you.

Things may not go back to EXACTLY the same way as they were. Heck things DID change between the two of you. This is why you're both feeling a bit out of sorts around each other. But they may get back on better grounds as friends. Don't rush things and remember to keep them simple.

Rome wasn't built in a day.

Good luck to you.
..tiff..

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

I know Im not perfect but I can smile
& I hope that you c this heart behind my tired eyes

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2002-03-04 05:52 AM

I'm going to have to agree with what Ali said 100%. It's not a good sign when a couple breaks up because they cannot handle being together alone, as a couple. I wish you the best of luck though.

sunbunbun
Junior Member

since 2002-02-07

Posts 21
Durham, NC

6 posted 2002-03-08 04:09 PM

Krystle,

My advice is to just try not to worry about it too much. Intimacy is something that people don't handle in the same way. For some reason being alone together made you both uncomfortable enough that it didn't work out. Give him some space and take some time to yourself. If you push too hard it will only make him more uncomfortable and he may resist even a friendship. There are no right answers in relationships of any kind but it seems that the toughest ones are those related to our romantic hearts.

Relax, keep your mind busy with other things, as time passes so will this uncomfortable feeling then you can try starting over with a new improved friendship with him.

Hope this helps,
Dawn

SBB

Knowledge empowers,
language a tool,
poetry a vision.

dmd 01/02

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