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What do you do for depression and sadness?
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What do you do for depression and sadness? |
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gracianna Member
since 2002-02-17
Posts 165A 14 year hell 
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I have been pretty down for a while now, and I can't concentrate at school or on anything besides poetry. I HATE talking, and I prefer to just listen to the people around me. People are now starting to ask me questions, like "are you ok?" "do you want to talk?" "It's not good to keep your feelings bottled up, you know..." Gr...I just wish they'd leave me alone. I've kinda had to suddenly grow up this year. I just turned 14, and already my friend's brother died in a car crash, my uncle was killed in 9/11, my great-grandmother died 3 days before Christmas, the day after we sent her presents, and my best friend is in the hospital with leukemia. No one really understands. They just tell me to grow up, and that I'm just asking for attention, which is kinda ironic since i don't want attention. What do you guys do when you are sad and lonely, but don't really want to talk to anyone? I give a whole new meaning to the word 'sad.' |
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Phaedrus Member
since 2002-01-26
Posts 180 |
I know it sounds a little simple but if I don’t feel like talking to people I simply don’t but only up to a point. There’s nothing wrong with a little quiet time of contemplation; of getting things straight with regard to who and where you are and what’s going on around you. The problems occur when that contemplation becomes too intense and too prolonged. It’s human nature to ruminate on the bad; sad and simply depressing, I mean how many people have been diagnosed as ‘clinically happy’? Thinking about bad things that have happened is normal, it’s doing that too much or for too long can be dangerous. What the people around you are doing is checking that the person they care about is OK and isn’t being adversely affected by those ruminations– that she’s simply waving not drowning. They’ll give you time by yourself if you need it but don’t think they’ll stop checking every now and again. Interruptions in my quiet times are a pain in the rear, “are you OK” and “do you want to talk” have the potential of arousing the same response that poking a very sharp stick in my left eye might produce. Fortunately I’ve learned to recognise the fact that the people around me notice I’ve gone quiet for perhaps too long and slip into lifeguard mode in case I’m not waving but drowning. What I tend to do is use this lifeguard mode as a barometer to warn me that I might have been ruminating a little too long. Once you see their questions for what they are, a gentle warning, it’s usually pretty easy to pull yourself out onto the bank and spend a little time in the sun for a while. If you find you can’t do that then you really HAVE to force yourself to talk to someone. Hope this helps Feel free not to talk to me (as long as you’re waving not drowning).  [This message has been edited by Phaedrus (02-24-2002 05:19 PM).] |
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Bec Member
since 2001-02-23
Posts 475Canberra |
Hi Gracianna Even though I have no idea what it's like to lose that many important people in such a short space of time, I do know what it's like to be sad and lonely. Even though you may think that you don't want to talk to anyone about it all, it really is the best thing to do. No-one can make you talk about it if you don't want to, but when you're ready, there will be lots of people who will help you out, I'm sure. And I know there are heaps of wonderful people right here at Passions that will be more than willing to talk to you and help you out. But only when you're ready. I hope that helped. Bec  "Poetry and Hums aren't things which you get, they're things which get you. And all you can do is to go where they can find you." |
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gracianna Member
since 2002-02-17
Posts 165A 14 year hell |
It's not just now that I don't like to talk, I have never liked talking, which is why I've never been popular. (not that I want to be or anything) People just automaticaly think that I need help because I don't talk. Also, I really can't go out into the sun, cause I live in Seattle. "Sun" is not an actual word...lol...yeah [This message has been edited by gracianna (02-24-2002 05:23 PM).] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
There are times I would rather be quiet, and contemplative...and that can be taken wrong. Hey, I'm 50 years old...so we can't tell me I'm acting like "a moody teenager". All of your feelings are right on target from what I can tell, because good gosh...look at all of the things that you've had to deal with in the last several months! What you've described is enough to make anyone turn quiet, and put them in a wondering, contemplative mood. So these are just some questions, if you are seeking assistance. You could write, which you are doing. You could talk to a trusted, older friend, or church member, or school counselor or teacher, one that you trust. So many people are willing to listen. Sometimes just being in a room, quietly, with a trusted friend, is what helps the most. We don't all have to talk in order to feel better. Just having someone close by that you like/love, just having a presence close by, can sometimes be all you might need. But these are only suggestions. None of us here [that I know of] are trained in the way you may need. If you are worried about the way you are feeling, then I would suggest you seek some help, and see your doctor. For the most part, he will tell you, perhaps, that you are mildly depressed. Again, if you have watched the news, there are several trained people who are telling us that it would be right to experience some depression after what our nation has been through. I wish you well. If you ever want to e-mail me, feel free to do so. Hugs...Sunshine |
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Phaedrus Member
since 2002-01-26
Posts 180 |
You’ve obviously had a lot of traumatic experiences to deal with, I can’t attempt to even get close to how you’re feeling or anywhere near what the answer might be. For one I’m not qualified enough to do that and equally I’m not sure any advice I can give is going to make your situation any better. Your friends are obviously in lifeguard mode, presumably they know how quiet you normally are so their checks must be either due to them overreacting to recent events in your life or that they are genuinely noticing a change in you that you’re not. Either way I’d suggest you choose one person close to you and talk to them, at best you might learn what it is that they’re seeing, at worst you’ll get the chance to share how you’re feeling. Whatever you do KEEP WAVING! |
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gracianna Member
since 2002-02-17
Posts 165A 14 year hell |
Why does everyone want me to talk?? I HATE talking! I prefer "talking" with people I don't know, and people who can't come and bug me in person...for example, people in chatrooms....I don't get your "lifeguard" approach...Is that a metaphor, or what? If so, it isn't getting through my dense skull... |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
you seem to be handling things pretty good, for so much happening.....it's ok to clam up and not want to talk about it. I do think it's good to write it out, if for no one else but you! Reflect on your words in a few months....and every few months that helps me....sometimes, talking is good, if you are more comfortable with folks online, then talk to us. When friends of mine in school were killed, I wrote, and alone, I cried a lot....I talked to them too...told them things that I hadn't before, and just accepted that they heard me....that they knew...find ways to let out your emotions, in maybe a physical activity, like running...it gives you the time to think, and you can run your anger and sadness out...it's a good way to heal, believe it or not. and it isn't self destructive...just some ideas.... |
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gracianna Member
since 2002-02-17
Posts 165A 14 year hell |
Thanks.  |
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RosePetal
since 2001-08-26
Posts 2985South Florida |
First I am very sorry to hear about the passing of your uncle and grandma. The things I do when I am sad/depressed may not help you much, but I feel that when I am really down and I go out and buy myself a little something, it makes me feel better. If that doesnt work, I just write lots of poetry, or take long bubble baths. I'm sorry Im not much of a help but i'm e mail away if you ever need me. |
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gracianna Member
since 2002-02-17
Posts 165A 14 year hell |
I might take your advice, except the bubble bath. (I'm allergic) I might buy something for myself after volleyball practice tomorrow...I can't remember the last time I did that...thanks...  Better get off the computer and do my long procrastinated homework... |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Think of yourself - What makes you smile? Do something every day to put a smile in your heart. That's what matters - not others' concepts of you - Although, they really are just telling you that they care...  |
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RosePetal
since 2001-08-26
Posts 2985South Florida |
your very welcome |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
Talking to people online used to help me a lot... in some ways, I think it might have alienated me more... I pretty much only talked to people online, and lost a lot of my relationships outside of the internet... but for the period in my life, it was what helped me through, and maybe something like that would help you through. I mean, you keep saying you don't want to talk... but you're talking to us, to anyone who wants to read this... I know it's a lot easier to say these things from behind a computer moniter... and if that's what helps, do it. "Love is a piano |
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LCBS Senior Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 532Connecticut |
I could never get through the pain you have in the last 6 months. I very recently lost a friend, and came extremely close to losing another....the pain is unbearable, the anguish is intolerable. Sometimes talking hurts because you bury pain, sometimes you jsut dont want to talk, its understnadable, but dont bite a hand that reached to help. SImply say your not ready to talk...never say "Im fine," your not.... ~LCBS If you have aol, my sn is LILIBED, Im always ready to talk and let you listen! Exeryone makes mistake, learn from them and move on, because tomorrow we'll make more... [This message has been edited by LCBS (02-28-2002 04:39 PM).] |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
I see myself as pretty similar to your situation. I've never been much of a socializer but for a VERY small and CLOSE group of friends in high school. When my mother died, I withdrew from everything but two of those friends and pretty much stayed that way. By now I had pretty much turned to chat rooms as well. I had never explored writing poetry, never even thought about it. I had those two friends and I had a world of NET friends. It's what got me through. A few years later, my dad died. I had now grown out of the chatting. I just couldn't take that anymore, just like I couldn't take the real life questions. I couldn't write anymore and I couldn't chat. A friend introduced me to roleplaying on MUDs (multi-user dungeons) so that has worked for about a year now. (slowly sinking tho) So with slim options now, can't talk to real life friends, can't talk to net friends, can't write, can't mud. Now I find something else to fill my time and my head. That's what I do to survive.. Just keep my brain occupied even if it is with things some people don't understand. Don't conform yourself to fit their needs or make them happy. You don't have to talk to people to get by, just know yourself and feel/do/believe/dream what you want. What else is there if you're not yourself? (sorry this is a bit late) ..tiff.. “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” I know Im not perfect but I can smile & I hope that you c this heart behind my tired eyes [This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (03-04-2002 12:53 AM).] |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
I don't know what the answer is cause i am very down, too. But I undertand when you don't really want to talk about it, or just not be bothered at all! I would guess the best thing is what you are doing, talking to us here. Cause all you have to do is delete if you don't want to deal at the moment.. I just lost my Grandmother last week, and my Dad last year. It get bewildering, almost. You think..what else..and then hold your breath hoping you are not answered. Take care of you. Oh when I am really down and I want to talk, but no one is around, I go shopping on Ebay. Sandra |
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Krawdad Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597 |
gracianna, (An opinion here, I'm not a professional.) You have every right to be as quiet and introspective and solitary as you want to be for as long as you want to be. You are not the only one who doesn't like to talk, but those who do may find that hard to understand simply because they are talkers and that is how they might fix things. You have another way. And when it gets tough, being a stranger in a crowd is a remedy that I have used. Get lost in amongst a lot of people, none of whom know who you are or wonder why you are there. Immersion technique? I don't know, I just know that it has worked for me. Or, I might do just the opposite, find a place to be completely alone. My guess is, and it's only a guess, that you are at stage where you have some things to discover about yourself and you have to do it at your own pace. I would continue to write (about anything)if that helps you understand. You might also try more reading. There is a lifetime of exploring and discovery there. Be patient with yourself and good luck. |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Gracianna- Being through it myself i think i can offer some sort of an opinion and understanding. I kno exactly what it feels like not to have the energy or the desire to talk..believe me i do kno...if you try and hide how you feel inevitably your feelings will come out...a ton of people, including one of my teachers said that no matter how much i smiled they still saw pain, sadness..etc in my eyes..so i was actually not hiding it at all even though i thought i was..i recommend you get help before it gets any worse...or if your not willing 2 then find at least one person you can go and talk to...trust me things will get better..if they can for me (the person who doesnt believe happiness exists for her) then it can for you ::hugs:: i'm here if u need to talk...xitalysbabyx@aol.com iTs bEeN 1 Of ThOsE dAyZ 4 2 MaNY dAyZ nOw..I jUst NeEd a DaY whErE tHe WOrLd cAn tAkE cArE of ItsElf.. |
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sunbunbun Junior Member
since 2002-02-07
Posts 21Durham, NC |
Gracianna, I can truly relate to what you are feeling. I lost my father and godmother (who was more like a second mother to me) within 3 months of each other this past year. During this time I moved to a new state and had to find a place to live, a new job and a new circle of friends. During my adult lifetime my family has always looked to me for strength and I took on that role. I am one of 6 children but no real extended family. Therefore, it's always just been us. My mother was the sole caregiver for my father during his illness for 5 years and it was very hard on her. I was always there to listen and called often. I lived 8 hours away but still flew up to care for my father whenever my mother needed some time to herself to take weekend trips with her friends. This took a toll on my emotional stability, watching my father deteriorate. We always had a special bond and although it was certainly hard on everyone I seemed to be more deeply effected. I tried keeping this to myself as everyone was trying to deal with it too and I didn't feel that I should add to their worries. I was pretty successful at this deception. I wrote a poem about one particular day after I spoke with my mother on the phone called I Cried Today, it's in Critical #2, check it out. After losing my godmother I went into a slump but still had my head above water. I was busy trying to get everything in my new life in NC in order. When my father passed I went deeper down but my nose was still above water. I was strong during the whole viewing and funeral week but totally lost it at the burial. Later that day I recall thinking that I couldn't believe the sounds that came out of my mouth and the blur of people around me, it was like I was in a dream. Christmas this year was very tough as I'm sure it was for you and your family. I went to stay with my mother for the week and it was rough. I used my last bits of stength that week. Once I got home I "crashed hard". I was so down I could barely force myself to get up in the morning for work and didn't get up except to go to the couch on the weekends. I couldn't eat or sleep and stayed in my pj's as much as possible. I didn't want to talk to anyone and avoided all human contact as much as possible. I stayed that way for about a month or two before I decided I didn't want to feel like that anymore and I visited my doctor. She prescribed some medicine and I started talking with a therapist and I feel better. I'm still sad alot of the time but I feel like I have more of my old self back where before my "self" was all gone. After this long story I guess I'm trying to say I know how hard it is and I think by you talking with us you've taken the first step to getting some direction. Try to do some writing to get some of your feelings out and if that isn't enough see your doctor and most of all try finding someone to talk to, I found it was easier to talk to someone that didn't already know everything about me. I would be happy to talk with you if you would like, I've been there and still am some days and will help in any way I can. Take good care of yourself, Dawn sunbunbun@hotmail.com |
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