Listening to every heart
There are times I would rather be quiet, and contemplative...and that can be taken wrong. Hey, I'm 50 years old...so we can't tell me I'm acting like "a moody teenager". All of your feelings are right on target from what I can tell, because good gosh...look at all of the things that you've had to deal with in the last several months! What you've described is enough to make anyone turn quiet, and put them in a wondering, contemplative mood.
So these are just some questions, if you are seeking assistance. You could write, which you are doing. You could talk to a trusted, older friend, or church member, or school counselor or teacher, one that you trust. So many people are willing to listen.
Sometimes just being in a room, quietly, with a trusted friend, is what helps the most. We don't all have to talk in order to feel better. Just having someone close by that you like/love, just having a presence close by, can sometimes be all you might need.
But these are only suggestions. None of us here [that I know of] are trained in the way you may need. If you are worried about the way you are feeling, then I would suggest you seek some help, and see your doctor. For the most part, he will tell you, perhaps, that you are mildly depressed. Again, if you have watched the news, there are several trained people who are telling us that it would be right to experience some depression after what our nation has been through.
I wish you well. If you ever want to e-mail me, feel free to do so.