Member Rara Avis
for the sake of your children and for your own stability, you must move on.
believe me, i totally understand how you're feeling. I'm struggling with the same issue myself.
For both of us, I suggest counseling. i'm lucky enough to have insurance through the company i work, so will look into what's covered.
if you have insurance, check to see if the insurance company has a plan for this and if not, check your local resources such as community services.
the fact that you recognize there is a problem is a big step and you've taken an even bigger step by reaching out here to ask advice because that shows that you know something must be done.
please don't hesitate. You will feel better once you start talking to a professional counselor well versed in giving advice for these kind of matters. While you're feeling this need to do something to make things better, do it! pick up the phone.... i gaurantee you'll feel like you're moving forward once you take that first step.
also, remember, well meaning friends and a support group are wonderful things to have, but cannot replace professionals who can help guide you toward healing with practical resources and advice.
one more thing.... i really think it's important that you stop blaming yourself. That only makes things more difficult. In life, and especially in relationships, it is never one person's "fault". Sure, take responsibility for your mistakes, but accept that you are not entirely responsible for the demise of the relationship. It takes 2.
i hope this helped even in some small way... i send you my prayers and support...