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Some Clarification Please?

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Temptress
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Member Rara Avis
since 06-15-99
Posts 7276
Mobile, AL


0 posted 01-29-2002 08:12 PM       View Profile for Temptress   Email Temptress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Temptress

I suppose I'm feeling a bit mixed up. Yesterday, my  Great Grandmother passed away. She had a heart attack (which seems to be what has claimed what few members of my family I have lost so far). She was 88 years old. I remember very little about her from my childhood, and the memories I do have are sweet ones. My Mom called me last night to tell me (it was her Grandmother) and she seemed to be peaceful enough about it. She says she has a peace about the death because she feels that her Grandmother is in Heaven now, and that she just didn't feel like she could make the funeral. One reason because of finances and the other reason because she says she just doesn't want to see her Grandmother in a coffin. *sigh* I have a sadness about this, but no great breaking down into tears or anything? Is this wrong? I'm frustrated with myself because I feel like I should be breaking or something. But WHY do I feel this way? Sometimes it feels like I think its necessary to do the feeling that everyone else seems to hold inside. I think my Mother, although she has peace about it, is not letting on about how much it bothers her.  I can't make it to the funeral, and when I spoke to family members in Arkansas last night (those closest to my Great Grandmother) it was sort of exhuasting and something that I really did not want to do. I felt, by getting exhausted, that I was being selfish.

I'm rambling here. I really don't know what to say. I mean...I'm here...at the library when perhaps I should be grieving for a lost relative...but I haven't spent enough time with her to consider her close....and it makes me sad to think that out of all the family we have spread so far, that any part of that family could become a distant group...but I suppose that is the way life is.

Maybe its time for this 25 year old girl to wake up, eh?
I feel a mixture of sadness for the loss and unexplained anger with myself. I don't understand any of it right now.

thanks for listening.  
Jamie
Member Elite
since 06-26-2000
Posts 3219
Blue Heaven


1 posted 01-29-2002 11:05 PM       View Profile for Jamie   Email Jamie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Jamie's Home Page   View IP for Jamie

First of all my condolence to you and your family.
Whatever you are feeling Jenn, you shouldn't feel badly about those feelings. In my job I see probably every aspect of how people deal with death of loved ones, as well as impending death. If I had to pick one thing that had the most influence on the sense of loss people displayed it would be the attachment they had to the person. That said, you may find months have passed before your true grief begins to surface. It doesn't mean you loved her any less than someone who may have been in constant tears for weeks, just that your grieving process is different from theirs.

God bless and be with you.

There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar.
byron

doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


2 posted 01-30-2002 12:11 AM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

my sincere sympathies, jenn...

please, though, do not be angry with yourself..... your reaction is perfectly normal and natural.... even the feeling of being angry because you feel like you're not grieving as you should be...

just know that it's all ok.... this is a time to remember those few sweet memories and to become more aware of the fragility and brevity of life and to meditate and pray on what a beautiful thing life is and to show your mother and family your support and presence and love

it's all ok... really... what you're feeling... very natural

((((hugs)))).... love and condolences to you and your family
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


3 posted 01-30-2002 04:57 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

aw, Jenn. C'mere and give me a hug.

I can't add much more to what has already been said. But it's true, that people allow themselves emotional access to the pain of loss at a rate and in the manner that they can handle. We just have to learn to trust each other, and there IS a faith that grows through sheer perseverance. And I have to stop before I weight my own heart too heavily here, (smile?) but know that I am with you. I'm here if you need an ear.
Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 06-15-99
Posts 7276
Mobile, AL


4 posted 01-30-2002 06:52 PM       View Profile for Temptress   Email Temptress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Temptress

You are all so wonderful. You've made me smile, and I thank you for it. Its good to know there is someone here who will listen or read when I need ears and eyes.

Love ya'll!

*Jenn*
((((((HUGS EVERYONE))))))
Irie
Senior Member
since 12-01-1999
Posts 1526
Washington State


5 posted 03-01-2002 03:26 PM       View Profile for Irie   Email Irie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Irie

Jenn,

When my Great Grandmother passed, I never shed a tear. I was sad, and was going to miss her, but I felt the same way then, that you are feeling now. I just recently lost another grandmother and I did the same thing. I was happy for her. She was suffering and she’s in a better place now. They both are. They are home, with God. I believe so anyway.

Everyone handles death in his or her own way. And each death may be dealt with differently.
Try not to feel guilty for not breaking. Who knows, you might break later. It took me a year to actually break down and mourn my Grand Father. It just happened one day.
And what really confuses me is what I went through yesterday. I attended a funeral for a friend of mine Swish, who died at the age of 67 last Saturday. I was more emotional over her than I was for my own grandmothers. Now maybe this was my “breaking” for my grandmothers, as Swish was a grandmotherly age. Maybe she reminded me of them. At any rate, I don’t know why and I am taking it all in stride.

I know I didn’t offer many words of advise, but knowing that there is someone out here who knows JUST how you feel and what you are going through might help.
I’m here if you want to talk more about it. E-mail me if you do.
Who knows, maybe we can help each other.

~Sheri

"The things that come to those that wait may be the things
left by those who got there first"


Irie
Senior Member
since 12-01-1999
Posts 1526
Washington State


6 posted 03-01-2002 04:51 PM       View Profile for Irie   Email Irie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Irie

OK, So I didn't pay attention to the date this was posted. Sorry, I hope I didn't drag up old feelings.....

But, I meant what I said if you feel like talking about it.

~Sheri

"The things that come to those that wait may be the things
left by those who got there first"


 
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