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Passions in Poetry

Furious at Death

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sonjes
Senior Member
since 02-18-2000
Posts 573
North Carolina


0 posted 10-21-2001 10:08 PM       View Profile for sonjes   Email sonjes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for sonjes

I am so incredibly ticked off at the moment and I have to share why.
   One of my friends from high school hung himself this past week. He was 29 years old.
   Did I get to go pay my last respects? Of course not! I am a thousand miles away and I haven't talked to him since the last time I was home two years ago.
   He was always a very moody person from the day I met him and he never changed. However, if you needed a smile, a good laugh, he was there with a quip.
    Whatever possesses people to off themselves? Let me tell you, if you are contemplating suicide, STOP!
   Do you really want to tee the people off that care, but don't have the chance to tell you until its too late?
   Let me tell you, I shed my tears of sorrow before I found out the nature of his death. Now, I mourn the desperation that must overcome people when they decide to put other people through hell.
   Maybe I am just questioning my own mortality. Maybe I feel guilty for not being a better friend to him, I don't know. One thing I do know is that I am sincerely mad about the fact that he chose suicide as a way out.
   I am rambling to no end here, but I just wanted to let everyone know that if you commit suicide, you have no absolute idea of the lasting effects that you have on the people that you have left behind.

Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence.
           -Enigma

catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 06-03-2000
Posts 9897
The Shores of Alone


1 posted 10-21-2001 10:50 PM       View Profile for catalinamoon   Email catalinamoon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit catalinamoon's Home Page   View IP for catalinamoon

I agree with you, it is a bad thing to do to people that care, to commit suicide. Not to mention how bad it is for the person who does it!
Sorry about your friend. This happened last year with a friend of my daughters, who was only in her early 20's took a deliberate overdose of something, and had a long, horrible death, after about 3 weeks. Very ugly, and sad, and her poor parents had to decide in the end on withdrawing life support.
Peace
Sandra
serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


2 posted 10-22-2001 04:22 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

My heart is with you. I will share you with you then, this story. My father recently passed away from Cancer. The day I found out his diagnosis, I was of course, distraught, hell, I was out of my mind. Then, that night, I got word that my friend, had hanged herself. I cannot begin to tell you the rage I felt, watching one dearly, dearly loved person fight for life as another that I loved seemingly thoughtlessly cast that gift away.

I do not have answers for you. But I must tell you, that everyday I can emphasize with both. On the one hand? There is something appealing about a struggle being over. But then again, there is something else in me that kicks and rages to live. So I try not to judge, as I don't know what "demons" tormented her--she seemingly had a life of ease, and I also don't know why my father, who had such an arduous trek through life, wanted so badly to live another day, even though in horrible pain.

Sigh...wish I could be of more help. But I am glad that you understand the effects of suicide on friends, family and even future generations--assuming one would leave children of course.

There is one thing I would like to say though, in our society, we tend to "pooh-pooh" some sadness and say, "oh, it's just sensationalism, a bid for sympathy." Well, a cry for help? Is a CRY FOR HELP. And if you hear that cry, offer your hand. Sometimes the smallest gestures can renew hope in a wearied person. And we may never receive the recognition for one act of kindness--but I can personally attest that "random acts of kindnesss" can mean the difference between a spark of hope and suffocating futility--life and death.

Love to you. And just do the best that you can do. That's what it's all about for me anyway. Achieving my "personal best."  

The Lady of Shallot
Senior Member
since 10-03-2001
Posts 840
USA


3 posted 10-22-2001 05:42 AM       View Profile for The Lady of Shallot   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit The Lady of Shallot's Home Page   View IP for The Lady of Shallot

My deep sorry for your pain in losing this friend and Serenity is right...people who contemplate suicide have demons probably around them, taunting them, but there is hope....

-befriend yourself and you will never be alone-

rosepetals25
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since 05-31-2000
Posts 3404
PA


4 posted 10-22-2001 07:51 AM       View Profile for rosepetals25   Email rosepetals25   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rosepetals25

sonjes,

     I'm so sorry for your pain. I know the feelings you have... when I was a senior in high school a friend Brandi committed suicide and I felt the same things you did. Anger in such a talented and sweet person taking herself out of this life.  Anger and frustration at her weakness... at her selfishness.   Now.. almost 8 years later, all I feel is sadness.  Sadness that even with all her friends and family who loved her so much, she felt so alone..
     Suicide is never an easy situation to deal with.  You will be in my prayers and thoughts while you try to sort out your emotions.. big huge hugs to you sonjes.

Hugs,
Tara    
anonymousfemale
Member Ascendant
since 02-02-2000
Posts 6304
Limbo


5 posted 10-25-2001 06:23 AM       View Profile for anonymousfemale   Email anonymousfemale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymousfemale

Ok first of all I am really sorry to hear about your friend. Losing someone through suicide is never a fun experience but some paths cannot be helped.

Now the next thing I am going to say will more than likely prompt a lot of people to bite my head off but just bear with me.
You say that your friend was a moody person but if you needed a smile he was able to deliver that instantly. Now as an extremely moody person myself, I can't help but know exactly what he was thinking. I'm also quite suicidal too and have been for a while but whenever someone else is upset and needs something I have to push all my feelings aside and make them smile. Maybe your friend didn't have anyone to really talk to about his problems and truly listen. Perhaps that is why he hanged himself. Because some times doing everything for the people around you becomes too much like quicksand.
Now you also mentioned about how death will affect everyone around you. Perhaps some people actually kill themselves to get away from everyone around them and they are the cause? I know from a personal experience that I, and quite a few people I know, attempt and in some cases succeed to get away from those around them. The lasting effect should not have to be a matter. This is what everyone forgets! Killing yourself is ultimately about YOU. No one else. Most suicidal people live their lives for other people anyway so by doing that one act they are living (oddly enough) for themselves.  

Yeah ok I've said enough. Remember that these are my feelings so don't take too kindly to ripping me apart thanks.

Maybe I'm just a girl...interrupted.

Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


6 posted 10-25-2001 12:05 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine


quote:

Now you also mentioned about how death will affect everyone around you. Perhaps some people actually kill themselves to get away from everyone around them and they are the cause? I know from a personal experience that I, and quite a few people I know, attempt and in some cases succeed to get away from those around them. The lasting effect should not have to be a matter. This is what everyone forgets! Killing yourself is ultimately about YOU. No one else. Most suicidal people live their lives for other people anyway so by doing that one act they are living (oddly enough) for themselves.  



Killing yourself is about more than YOU - don't ever think it isn't! People who care about you are affected by it too. My brother-in-law killed himself. Was anyone else affected? Of course. My sister and her 3 kids (all of whom had to have therapy because of it)!! Our family - HIS parents and brothers.

Taking your life isn't some grand act of self-love! It's a final and tragic act of desperation - and though the person who kills themself is out of pain, those left behind suffer forever because of it.

There are so many people in this world who fight to LIVE that it hurts when I hear of someone so casually talking about suicide. Life is the most precious gift we are given. If you feel you can't go on, please get professional help.
serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


7 posted 10-25-2001 06:02 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Suicide, according to my friend, mentor, and former shrink, leaves ramifications for SEVEN generations throughout your family. There is also the "domino" effect. I do personally know of one family, six kids. My friend Terry jumped off a bridge, over the concrete too. (Her divorce papers were found in her pocket.) Her sister took over care of the little girl Terry left behind---until she shot herself one year later. Their brother (a very sensitive soul who adored his sisters) also jumped off a bridge a year later. All of that is said and done, but who is going to explain to this child that not one, but TWO mothers didn't care enough to put her well-being above their own. I have lost count of the friends that I have buried who died by their own hand. I too, used to be angry. Now, in honor of their memory, I try very hard to be there for the friends that I have, and cherish their company and let them know as much as possible that I love them, and their presence in the world means a great deal to me. That, is the only thing that I could think of to do. And hey, if you need an ear, I'm here. More HUGS.
Moon Dust
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 06-11-99
Posts 2250
Skelmersdale, UK


8 posted 10-25-2001 11:27 PM       View Profile for Moon Dust   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Moon Dust

Look I dont want to offend but IMHO part of the reason people commit suicde is because they dont know anyone cares they do it because they crave attention from people.
I mean to go out and talk to people and socaize with them doesnt mean they arent lonely or feel lonely. Because loniness is when you cant find anyone who understands you or even talk to about your innermost fears. And if you had ever felt this way you would know why people take the easy way out.

I breathe the dust, the dust is me.

Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 04-30-2000
Posts 16920
Ontario, Canada


9 posted 10-26-2001 06:43 AM       View Profile for Kit McCallum   Email Kit McCallum   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kit McCallum

I'm so sorry about the loss of your friend Sonjes, and understand your frustration and anger surrounding their passing. Many articles I have read, have termed those who have lost someone to suicide, as "suicide survivors" or "suicide grievers", and you are not alone in how you are feeling.

Many who attempt or successfully complete suicide do not contemplate the far reaching consequences this act has on surviving family members and friends.  The statistics are startling:

quote:
It is estimated that every suicide leaves 6-8 "survivors." The 31,000 reported suicides in our nation (U.S.) cause 180,000 - 250,000 men, women, and children to become suicide grievers every year.


Over time, I have reviewed many sites on the internet, and wanted to post a link that may be helpful to both those who may contemplate suicide, and those who are attempting to cope with the loss of someone who has committed suicide. I hope this information and their various resource links may be helpful to you and others who may be attempting to cope with the many emotions resulting from this issue

Survivor's of Suicide Home page: http://www.survivorsofsuicide.com/index.html

FAQ Page: http://www.survivorsofsuicide.com/faq_suicide.htm
sonjes
Senior Member
since 02-18-2000
Posts 573
North Carolina


10 posted 10-26-2001 07:26 AM       View Profile for sonjes   Email sonjes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for sonjes

Everybody: thanks for talking with me about this...there are so  many emotions that come with being a part of someone's life. When they end theirs, it makes it even more difficult to keep a bridle on those emotions.
   The easiest thing to do is to be mad...after the initial shock wears off. But I am so upset about so many other things that have to do with this.
   I too was an emotionally unwell teenager...suicidal thoughts lasted through till I had my son at 17. Even now, I am challenged by bouts of depression, that I fight off naturally. My point is, my children kept me grounded for so long...helped me heal what was broken inside me...who did Chris have? Nobody...he didn't have a wife, girlfriend, kids...his parents were split up...Nobody. How fair is that?
   I am trying to take a new perspective on things...I had the unfortunate task of emailing a friend of ours from high school and letting her know.
   I am going to listen to her, I think...
"let's
do this in Chris's name--live life to it's fullest."
   Something we should do every day...but sometimes it takes a tragedy to let us see clearly what we must do.
   Once again, thank you all...I think I can begin to grieve and overcome all the anger surrounding his suicide.

Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence.
           -Enigma

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