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sweetcollege_girl
Senior Member

since 1999-12-03

Posts 872
just about where I want to be

0 posted 2001-10-18 11:42 PM

I was just thinking...I found out I was adopted this past weekend..and I feel really confused...My adopted mom has all the info on the adoption. I want to know about it, but I don't want her to go back into a painful past, you know? I guess I'm wondering if I could try to find out myself, but I'm not sure..Anyone have any advice? I don't know what I'm trying to say...Can anyone help me out?

When life gives you a rainy day...

Play in the puddles!!! :)

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2001-10-19 08:45 AM

Have you talked to your mom, the one that adopted you, about it? I think that is how I would start. First, how did you find out? If it wasn't from your parents who care for you now, who told you, and why?

I think being up front with the family that cares for you would be your first priority. It is a BIG step for people to take up children who are not their own, LARGE hearts to love another person's child. We don't know what they went through to open their home to you. So, start carefully, and be honest with the reasons as to why you want to find out about your background. This is a life-changing moment, and I wish you all of the best.

BrightStar
Member

since 2001-04-08

Posts 219

2 posted 2001-10-23 01:50 PM

You might find some answers after some time on your knees. This is a tough time for you and you need the best guidance available.

God bless you and help you through this time of need.

Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant

since 2001-05-07

Posts 5182
Netherlands

3 posted 2001-10-23 02:59 PM

I'm with Sunshine, do your adoptive parents know that you know?

If not, talk to them, tell them how you find out and that you want to know all about it.
It don't always have to be painful you know.
It was their choice to adopt you, so they must have wanted a child badly and that child is you. They probably couldn't have a child of their own, but they did choose you and they love you, don't they, so I don't see the problem.

It's confusing right now, I know, but if you look into your heart, what difference does it really make if you love them too. You're not of their 'blood' so to speak, but they will always be the ones that raised you, worried about you, loved you, keep that in mind.

So try to talk to them in a honest way, for that they do deserve.

Titia

A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess...
Feel free to use the pictures on my website. http://communities.msn.com/Titiasplace/

Kevin Rose
Member

since 2000-11-20

Posts 64
Liverpool UK

4 posted 2001-10-23 05:40 PM

now I don't claim to be an expert on this, but here is a sugestion.

This is a situation that every parent who has adopted must think about every day of their lives.  The general question of "how will they react when they find out they are adopted?".  Hell, enough soap operas use it as a mainstay storyline to tell you that it is one of the most painful and traumatic occurrences that can possibly happen.

So my suggeston is this.  Approach them in the way that they would most want you to. Tell them, as long as it is the truth of course, that it makes no difference in your love for them, that you consider them your parents, and that it will change nothing.  Once they have this fact anchored and reaffirmed I am sure they will help you in any way they can in order for you to feel fully informed and at peace with the situation.

My oldest and best friend is adopted, and has known from a very early age.  He is and always has been completely at peace with the situation, and has one of the closest relationships possible with his parents.  He even has grown to resemble them although he shares no genetic makeup.  they gave him a great upbringing, and sacrificed all they could, and I know he would do the same for them.

I agree completely with the theme of honesty others have given.  I cannot imagine your folks being unhappy at all though with you approacing them full of love and admiration, with questions that you need answering, as long as they know for sure that they will never loose you.  In fact, I think it is more likely to be one of the biggest feelings of relief that they could possibly have, knowing that you know and that you are still very much their daughter.

Good luck

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

5 posted 2001-10-23 06:20 PM

I helped a friend find his birth mom - and though she didn't want to meet him, it did answer some questions for him. And all this was done on the internet. Find a site for adoptees and read up on some of the ways you can work through this. There are some heartbreaking stories out there. Email me if you need any help!

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

6 posted 2001-10-24 01:56 PM

I kno from first hand experience...but i dont kno if i feel the same way you do..see all my life i've known i was adopted...but i always had resentment against my birth parents...i'd never be able to go and talk to them about it...i kno how it all feels and all the questions you must have..please feel free to e-mail me at acabalena36@aol.com...alrighty?? ::hugs::

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

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