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Passions in Poetry

Do you understand men???

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Dee
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since 08-19-2000
Posts 2361
Queensland, Australia


0 posted 09-29-2001 03:45 AM       View Profile for Dee   Email Dee   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dee

I need somewhere to rant, to try and understand. You don't have to answer. I just need to ask.
Can anyone tell me what makes a man play one woman off against the other? Am I just something to kill time while she isn't around? I don't understand men one little bit.
Why does he feel the need to say lets not hurt her feelings while he hurts mine? Doesn't he realise that I have feelings too? I don't know if he even realises he does this but it really hurts me to be the second choice.

A sad and lonely Dee (for now)
Marge Tindal
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1 posted 09-29-2001 05:23 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

MyFriend~

quote:
Can anyone tell me what makes a man play one woman off against the other?

Because he can ???????

*Hugs* ... won't fix it ... but hope they help~
Love ya'
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
                                   noles1@totcon.com            

rwood
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since 02-29-2000
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2 posted 09-29-2001 07:53 AM       View Profile for rwood   Email rwood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rwood

Because he knows that you have made Him your first choice. I hope you see how important you are when you look into the mirror, without anyone standing behind you. Be strong Dee...you're worth it.

Sincerely,
Regina
anonymousfemale
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since 02-02-2000
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Limbo


3 posted 09-29-2001 10:16 AM       View Profile for anonymousfemale   Email anonymousfemale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymousfemale

Because men are slimebags. Remember that your happiness should come first so try to find a way to make yourself happy. If that fails, find a punching bag.  

Take care.

"Reality is only a feeble rendering of the energy brought forth by the imagination"

RSEvans
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since 10-23-1999
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Tulsa, OK, USA


4 posted 09-29-2001 12:19 PM       View Profile for RSEvans   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RSEvans

I won't try and make light of anything he's done to you.  All I can say is that men are habitual creatures.  In having said that, they love because they can...and they love the strongest out of fear...fear of being alone, fear of not being attractive, fear of losing something too good to pass up.  Opportunistic as that may sound, perhaps fear is our strongest and strangest motivator.
doreen peri
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5 posted 09-29-2001 02:59 PM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

i don't know much, but think of it this way...

it's a hunting game

men are hunters

if they already know they have conquered, the challenge is gone

maybe #1 to him doesn't let her feelings show like you do

i know what you're going through hurts and i'm not making less of it than what it is... believe me...

the women of the 50's really had the game down better than we do, i think....
the "hard to get" thing was one of their biggies.... by playing that game, men think they still haven't "won" you... it makes them wonder....then they "court" you longer..... LOL!!!!!!

but the biggest problem is, most women like to be honest about their feelings and when you're in love, it's very hard to play any games.... y'know? i, for one, can't do it.... i have to be open and honest with how i feel ....

so.....

hell...

if you figure it out, let me know because i'm just rambling here and guess what? i'm here all by myself after 2 failed marriages and professions of undying love from men after that who, after i fell in love, decided they didn't want me any more

oh well!!

who knows? i guess considering my history, you can scratch this post off your list of something to listen to because obviously, i have no clue

so to answer your topic question.... "Do you understand men???"

i should have just said

NO

[This message has been edited by doreen peri (edited 09-29-2001).]

Ron
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6 posted 09-29-2001 05:08 PM       View Profile for Ron   Email Ron   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ron's Home Page   View IP for Ron

I guess it's a matter of perspective.

I can honestly say I've never had a man treat me this way. But I nonetheless recognize the feeling, because many of the women I've known weren't a great deal different.

Are we really talking about gender here? Or maturity?

p.s. No, I don't understand men, either.  
Dee
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since 08-19-2000
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Queensland, Australia


7 posted 09-29-2001 05:55 PM       View Profile for Dee   Email Dee   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dee

Thank you all. You may not have sorted him out for me but it makes me feel a whole lot better knowing you guys are here.
And I am also glad that sometimes the men here don't understand men either  
I guess I just have to see my self as Regina says, important with out someone standing behind me and then the rest will eventually work out.


Dee

I wish you every happiness and may you always have the best of the good things in life.     a brand

NathanS
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8 posted 09-29-2001 11:56 PM       View Profile for NathanS   Email NathanS   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for NathanS

Hmm... explaining men- Thats quite an interesting comment. For as im a guy, we have the same problem of understanding women.
However, not all guys are bad- for me, if im going out with someone, their my first priority (Other then my Religion), but what seems to get me is i often find myself afraid to express my emotions toward the one i care for. I am afraid to do so cuz i don't want to scare them away. So in saying this, what it could be is the other person may be more bold with emotions and express more, thus making him comfortable with expressing more- getting rid of the fear. In that, he is able to express all the emotions he holds- and may go with that person.
I dunno though- chances are i made no sense what so ever on any of the above *shrugs* A quote from the play Cinderella of which i was in (I can't spell it =P
Somewhere, someone is waiting for you.
LaterZ,
               -Nathan

[This message has been edited by NathanS (edited 09-29-2001).]

Sven
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9 posted 09-30-2001 02:27 PM       View Profile for Sven   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sven

I agree with Ron on this one. . . I've had the same things happen to me. . .

and believe me. . . I'll never understand men either. . .

----------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

catalinamoon
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The Shores of Alone


10 posted 09-30-2001 02:50 PM       View Profile for catalinamoon   Email catalinamoon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit catalinamoon's Home Page   View IP for catalinamoon

Not at all..
Jonas
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since 03-03-2000
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11 posted 10-01-2001 12:58 PM       View Profile for Jonas   Email Jonas   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jonas

It's all a matter of maturity I think. As a man, I find it impossible to understand women. As with men, women will tell you they love you one day, then tell you the relationship is "not right" the next. I believe some men play their games because it feeds their egoes. They need constant reassurance that they are in control of themselves, and the people around them. I find that sad, but like women, men will never change, and they are hurting themselves as much as they are hurting others. Personally, I have decided that a life alone may be the best answer for me as I am tired of hearing the "Gary, you are a great guy, but..." speech.

It's a matter finding the one that has no need to play games, as difficult as it may be. Maturity, self respect, and respect for others is crucial in my opinion.

And I lie here in bed all alone- I can't mend
And I fear tomorrow will be okay
- Staind

Irish Rose
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since 04-06-2000
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12 posted 10-01-2001 01:20 PM       View Profile for Irish Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Irish Rose

Well, I can't let this one go by!  

Men?  Oh boy, Some want what they can't have, and for a time you may be it!!!

Doreen is right, a challenge, the ultimate prize!!!  And we're all that right? Well, come on ladies, aren't we?     Ok, seriously though, once you open yourself up completely and show yourself you are VULNERABLE. They want honesty, sincerity but many are not honest with you in return, some want NO committment. Some only want self-gratification.  Some will claim to do anything for you and it seems they are but when you really need them - they bow out.

BUT, there are many wonderful men in the world. I know, I've known some. There are some who are there for you every step of the way and some who just cannot be what you need. Let's face it, some women have such horrendous problems I don't blame them for shying away!!!

I have a wonderful friend who is a man. The reason the friendship lasts is because there is no sex     not that he didn't want it!  But the reason it lasts is because the friendship was more important to him than the sex. At times if I did not have this friend I would have lost my mind!

But a man in the romantic sense, has to be able to give you more because we're worth it, we deserve it and if they can't, find someone who can.

and No, I really don't understand them either, just that they smell great, feel great, look great and they are by nature,
physical. We think with our emotions more than the physical, well, don't we?

The best thoughts I can offer is in the long run?
We really can survive with or without one, it's just that with one is a whole lot more appealing, don't settle......be good to yourself.

all this aside, I love 'em anyway  


[This message has been edited by Irish Rose (edited 10-01-2001).]

xShUgArHiGhx
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13 posted 10-01-2001 01:49 PM       View Profile for xShUgArHiGhx   Email xShUgArHiGhx   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit xShUgArHiGhx's Home Page   View IP for xShUgArHiGhx

sometimes i hate men...if you can even call them that..
Interloper
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Deep in the heart


14 posted 10-01-2001 06:26 PM       View Profile for Interloper   Email Interloper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Interloper

What Ron and Sven said.  I don't understand men or women
They play the same game but call it different due to gender.  Doan make sense to me at all, but, then, I am from Texas
Temptress
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15 posted 10-01-2001 06:48 PM       View Profile for Temptress   Email Temptress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Temptress

Hi there.

I am also going to agree with Ron. I think its a matter of maturity rather than a matter of gender. I think hiding behind the gender thing is silly(although most don't realize or admit that is what they are doing), and it puts us in the impossible position of not being able to move forward with our understanding because of all the labels. Take away the pre-made labels and examin the product again. Look at it how YOU see it, and not how the stereotype makes it appear.  We are all heartbreakers in some way, or we all may be one day.  Okay. I know ya didn't ask for a big discussion, so I'm going now.  

*Jenn*

Sometimes the heart needs the solace of solitude and silence.

Dee
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since 08-19-2000
Posts 2361
Queensland, Australia


16 posted 10-02-2001 12:31 AM       View Profile for Dee   Email Dee   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dee

Nathan, you did make sense   It is hard for this man to reveal his feelings toward me. But not for him to tell me how he feels about her. Just don't make sense to me at all. You would think he couldn't tell me about her either or be able to talk about his feelings for both of us. Dunno  

Sven, I think I am looking a little too exclusively....thinking it has only happened to women and I am wrong I know. Its just that women don't do this to me. I guess we are more comfortable expressing our feelings to other women than men are.

Sandra...me too.  

Jonas, being alone sounds like a good option but I need that contact, physical and emotional. Its the way I am. Maybe I am dependant but I don't think so. I just like to touch and be touched.

Irish Rose, yeah I should be what he can't have butI'm a sucker for those things that smell great, feel great and look great. I love em too.

SugarHigh, I wouldn't say I hate men...they just frustrate me sometimes  

Interloper, maybe we just aren't meant to understand each other. That would explain a lot of the comments on here.

Jenn, I guess I could have put it in a different way if I had thought about it, instead of just using the gender bit but he is a man and I don't understand him   I guess I never will. Maybe it is just time to cut my losses and move on. Who knows? I suppose I will figure it out eventually.
And you go right ahead and have a big discussion. Maybe I will eventually learn something.

Thanks guys for the words of wisdom. I appreciate it  

Dee

I wish you every happiness and may you always have the best of the good things in life.     a brand

Bec
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since 02-23-2001
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Sunshine Coast


17 posted 10-02-2001 01:44 AM       View Profile for Bec   Email Bec   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bec

I can't see the point in letting a man think he can get away with that. There's no point in playing favourites when it comes to friends, whether they're male or female. Tell him what you think of what he's doing, and if he can't deal with the truth, does he really deserve a friend like you? Well... that's my five cents worth anyway...  

The past is a foreign country - they do things differently there ~ Unknown

Dee
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since 08-19-2000
Posts 2361
Queensland, Australia


18 posted 10-02-2001 01:58 AM       View Profile for Dee   Email Dee   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dee

That's my girl. Give it to em with both barrels!  


Mum

I wish you every happiness and may you always have the best of the good things in life.     a brand

Dee
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since 08-19-2000
Posts 2361
Queensland, Australia


19 posted 10-02-2001 06:31 AM       View Profile for Dee   Email Dee   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dee

Mum...
Glad you approve! I had to learn it from somewhere, didn't I?

(sorry, borrowed your id...)


(Actually it has been edited by Bec  )

[This message has been edited by Dee (edited 10-02-2001).]

The Lonely Stranger
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20 posted 11-22-2001 08:59 PM       View Profile for The Lonely Stranger   Email The Lonely Stranger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for The Lonely Stranger

"Thank you all. You may not have sorted him out for me but it makes me feel a whole lot better knowing you guys are here.
And I am also glad that sometimes the men here don't understand men either  
I guess I just have to see my self as Regina says, important with out someone standing behind me and then the rest will eventually work out."

I must take the opportunity to climb up on my soapbox. You women create these monsters, now you must deal with them.

Riddle me this ... what is the difference between a 5 year old brat and a 30 year old "jerk".

Answer : 25 years and nothing more.

These men are accostomed to getting what they want, when they want it. If woman "A" does not comply ... an equally attractive woman "B" will gladly do so. The woman fall like dominoes because the guy is good looking and for no other reason. If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always gotten. If a dog bites and gets a bisquit each time he bites (be it from his old owner or a new one) what has he learned? That biting pays.

Basically, there are two different kind of men:

Type A : The type who know that women want them and act accordingly. "I can have most any women I want, so what's my incentive to treat you well?" They live this motto. You see confidence is the ability to not fear rejection. To not care what a woman might think of you if you ask her out. These men have this in spades and the logical leap from not caring about if they ask you out and you reject them to how you feel about how they treat you while they date you ..... is a very short leap ladies.

Type B : The type who don't think they will ever be loved, although they would treat you like a queen if you did love them. You see their lack of confidence is the fear of rejection, the concern about what a woman might think of them if they her out. The leap from caring about what you will think of them if they ask you out to how you feel about how they treat you while they date you ..... is a very short leap as well ladies.

In short ... if you date jerks, you will be treated how jerks treat people.



No one ever listened themselves into trouble.

[This message has been edited by The Lonely Stranger (edited 11-22-2001).]

Auguste
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By the sea


21 posted 11-22-2001 09:26 PM       View Profile for Auguste   Email Auguste   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Auguste's Home Page   View IP for Auguste

Dee,

I can't say I honestly understand men.  You know my opinion of them in general.  All I can say is that you don't need a man.  You're a strong woman, intelligent, and can stand your own ground without the aid of one.  I wish you well, sweetie.  You take care of YOU first.  *hugs* and love

Michael

Michael Auguste~
There is more depth to the heart than the mind can comprehend and it only has boundaries when we choose to fence it in.  

RSWells
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since 06-17-2001
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22 posted 11-23-2001 12:18 AM       View Profile for RSWells   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RSWells

It's people, not men not women just humans.
Poet deVine
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23 posted 11-23-2001 11:36 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

There are 'players' in each gender. I am a woman and don't understand how some members of my own sex can act the way they do! If a man doesn't want you - back off! If you aren't getting the signal to move forward, move back. I think some woman want to be loved so much that they think the love in their hearts will be enough to make 'him' love them too. It doesn't work.


RosePetal
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24 posted 11-23-2001 01:42 PM       View Profile for RosePetal   Email RosePetal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RosePetal

Hi Dee...

Recently I was going through this same sitaution. He acts the way he does because he knows you will stand for it. Tell this guy to make a choice, either he be with you or stay with woman#1. Don't play second fiddle, you are far too kind and beautiful for that. Even if he made the choice to be with you and get rid of woman #1, who's to say he wont cheat on you with someone else?
Men are confusing, but dont settle for less when you deserve MORE.
Kick him to the curb
And find one who will treat you
as you deserve!

Love,
RosePetal
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