My thoughts are going crazy right now, as they have been for the past few weeks. I'm going nuts here, and in an attempt to keep myself sane for a little while longer, I'm going to do a thought dump here. Bear with me...
I posted a little while ago about recent a recent heartache. I'm still struggling with this, although every day, it gets a little better, and the pain subsides a little more. I recently began thinking about what went wrong. I ended up being more confused about the matter than when I started. But then again, that's love for you. So why does it have to be that way? A wondrous, painful, mystery that life holds? It seems to do more damage than good in most cases...
The other day I read a little story/quote that really got me thinking:
"Two little teardrops were floating down the river of life. One drop said to the other, 'I am the teardrop of a girl who loved a man & lost him. Who are you?' The other one replied, 'Well, I am the teardrop of a girl who won him.'"
What does that quote mean to you?
Love is very strange. Love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect individual. You need it but when you love, it's like destining yourself for pain. You become addicted and dependent on the person. You become strong and at the same time, you open yourself up to being hurt.
Love can make you bear any kind of pain and any kind of sacrifice. It can also make you feel stupid and act stupidly.
Sometimes when you love and end up giving so much yourself, subconsciously you only discover how much you've given when the person you love hurts you or has to say goodbye.
Then you realize, an important part of yourself is already with that person. It goes away when he leaves and you are left with a sickening, empty feeling inside.
Tears are bound to shed from your eyes, no matter how you force yourself to keep them in. Well, that's what you get for caring so much about someone. But how can you regret it? To give oneself freely and lovingly is the most beautiful thing one can do.
The most teardrops ever shed on this Earth have been for love... or lack thereof. When tears dry, a silent loss sticks to your heart for a long, long time.
Loving makes you real. Loving also makes you cry. It seems to my like a no win situation.
But then again, that is why a teardrop is so beautiful... because it is real and it comes from within your heart and your emotion.
Love is the worst emotion and the best emotion all at the same time.
Talk about confusing...
You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.
[This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 08-09-2001).]