In an upside-down garden
If one were to watch me closely, they would notice how many times I look up and blink like mad. I hold back the tears every single day. Hey, big girls don't cry, right? I mean, I wish I had a shoulder to cry on, but the one I want is never around when I'm crying, so it's pretty much impossible. I think I'm bizarre because of the way I feel about him after all that's happened. Do you all ever hold back the tears because you don't want someone to see you cry? He hates it when I cry. He tells me not to cry and I always end up doing so. I don't want to cry because I want to be happy and I like to be happy, it's just every time I am truly happy, something bad happens and takes that all away. I hate it. I have never ever bitten my fingernails before in my life. He made me mad and now all I have are little stubby fingernails. People say it's a nervous habbit when you bite your nails, but it's an angry habbit for me. All of my nails were so long, and I just plum bit them clean off. He makes me so mad sometimes though. I love him and he doesn't seem to see this and it makes me want to cry, but yet I hold back tears because he doesn't want me to cry. He'll just say I'm a baby, and try to cheer me up, but sometimes when I tell him why I'm crying, he can't think of anything to say. That's not like him because he always has some remark to make, some joke to tell. But he couldn't say anything. I just keep holding back tears.
Someone once taught me that it doesn't matter what other people think of you as long as you like yourself. That's what I live by.