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Passions in Poetry

How do you deal with death?

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0 posted 07-11-2001 08:29 PM       View Profile for rosepetals25   Email rosepetals25   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rosepetals25

This is my first time here.. and I know.. what a question.  I have to vent..and the alley didn't seem like the place to do it.  I'm not angry really..

This is what is happening at the moment in my life.. I'll try to keep it short, but no promises.

I work at a nursing home.. I've been working there about 7 months now.  For the past 3 months my job position (I'm in activities) has given me the chance to interact and get to know the residents better. I have my own group of people (they have dementia.. altheimers.).  Through the months I have gotten to know them.  In the past week, 2 of them have passed away rather abruptly and unexpected. It caught me completely off guard.  On top of that, another resident who wasn't in my group but I still grown close to has also passed away in this past week.  His was expected.. but it still was unexpected... if that makes sense.

Today I found out that a friend of mine was killed in a bad car accident late last night.  I can't believe he is gone.. just like that.  I know his family.. mother.. aunts..uncles... the whole bunch.  On Friday is his funeral..and of course I'm going. He was my best friend's husband's cousin... my best friends mother just passed away last Nov.. so I'm going to be her support system.  

The thing is.. I know all the feelings about my residents who are no longer here are going to catch up with me that day.. but I have to stay in check... my best friend and probably some of the family will be needing me.  

My question (finally) is how on earth do I handle this?


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with you

1 posted 07-11-2001 10:51 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

Hey RP   check your email  
Dopey Dope
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2 posted 07-12-2001 02:27 AM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

I've had some friends die on's always a sad thing.
I just try and think how they're in a better place now....*hugs*
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3 posted 07-12-2001 03:39 AM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

Are you religious? Turn to your higher power, if you believe in one. If not, just remember the good times your friend had. As for the older people, they were pretty bad off from what you said, and it was their time to leave their lives of pain. Rejoice in that thought. Dealing with the death of a younger person is harder, but as I said, just remember their lives and they can never really die. I'm glad you came here to talk, and if you ever want to talk anything over with me, feel free to e-mail me.

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli

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4 posted 07-12-2001 07:47 AM       View Profile for rosepetals25   Email rosepetals25   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rosepetals25

SEA - I'm quick stopping on.. but I will I will reply to your email tonight. Thank you ~hugs~

Dopey Dope - I'm sorry for your loss ~hugs~ I try to keep that in mind.

LoveBug -  I wasn't sure if I was going to post here.  It was a spur of the moment thing.  After I posted.. I was kinda embarrased and almost wished I could take it down ~chuckles~  Thank you for your kind response. I appreciate your advice.


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since 02-10-2000
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5 posted 07-12-2001 02:58 PM       View Profile for Marina   Email Marina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marina

These are only my believes, but as most memebers are aware here I have an absolute passions about death.  To be specicific, what happens to soul from the moment it leaves the physical body.  I strongly believe that once the physical body has died, the soul continues on and taking some knowledge that is was suppose to learn in this lifetime with it.

In my opinion funerals and mourning  are ways to help the living to accept the death and to help in our long process of grieving.  Once someone has left the Earth's Plain they have little knowledge of the loved ones they no longer have.  In fact it is well known that some my stay on Earth's Plain until after the funeral and then go into the light.  This is there way of realising that they are in fact dead.

I guess I am really rambling here so I'll cut to the chase by saying this.  The soul goes on and the soul is the best of a living being because it is the part of you that holds all knowledge.  The best way to grieve one who has passed is to go step by step and let yourself go through the natural process it needs too. At first you think you will never make it...but we do.

My Dad was my whole world, even though I was living with someone.  We just had such a unique and special bond.  After he passed 3 years I thought I would never ever get over loosing him.  Holding on to all these thoughts I have mentioned above helped me so much.  He even comes to visit me now and again.

Thanks for letting me ramble!

brian madden
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6 posted 07-12-2001 03:41 PM       View Profile for brian madden   Email brian madden   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for brian madden

I think Marina said what I was planning to say, the soul continues after death. I don't believe in Heaven in the normal church sense. I do believe that when we die it is because we have fulfulled the reason that we are here in the first place. I do not fear death, dying yes but not death. It is not easy dealing the loss of a loved one, but know that they live on in your heart your memories. I think that we should not grieve for those who have died, what I mean by this is that we must accept it at some stage. We must honour their memory not forever mourn their abscence.  
Jesse Jaymz
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7 posted 07-13-2001 12:17 AM       View Profile for Jesse Jaymz   Email Jesse Jaymz   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Jesse Jaymz's Home Page   View IP for Jesse Jaymz

*hugs*  sorry to hear about all the deaths.  you know more then anyone about all the deaths i have been threw.  it is very hard to handle, specialy if you are close to that person.  you know how i was with maggz.  it will hurt.  and there aint anything that can replace the loss of a friend.  but just remember that the person you lost might be gone in spirit but lives on in your huge heart.  so no matter where they are they are always close to you.  as far as the people at the nursing home, my mom used to work at one for years.  i used to hear her crying over the residents dying that she had gotten close to.  they always say dont get close.  but you cant help yourself.  you will always get close.  and with a heart like yours it will always be hurt when they die.  but every one of them knows you cared aobut them.  and they are watching over you right now smiling.  *hugs*  my condolences to you.  and if you ever need to talk i am an e-mail away hun


When I was a young man I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal woman. Well, I found her - but, alas, she was waiting for the perfect man. :(

since 04-23-2001
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8 posted 07-13-2001 02:51 AM       View Profile for Blaec   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Blaec

There isn't that much that I can tell you that hasn't already been said here.  My cousin was murdered over 4 years ago.  I feel like I've finally accepted that he is gone.  That took me a long time.  We were very close.  I still cry.  I also lost my grandparents in a car accident last February.  It hurts so much that it's hard to bare the pain sometime's.  You just have to remember that they are in a better place.  I believe that we will see them again one day.  That is what helps to keep me going.  It has also helped me a lot to talk to other people about it.  
Just my 2 cents.

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9 posted 07-15-2001 12:43 PM       View Profile for walker   Email walker   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for walker

I worked in a Partial Hospitalization Program for 3 years, mostly with the elderly. Some of our patients died, like it happened in your work. It was very hard for me at first, then it somehow became easier for me to deal with the loss. I was very close to some of them, it was hard not to get "involved" emotionally when I knew that their depression came from feeling abandoned by their families thus they made an attachement with us. I cried when some of them died, and I still remember all of them with love. When it comes to friends and family it's harder to deal with, having a religious background helps me allot in the healing process. But death's never easy to deal with, the passage of time seems to be the best remedy for feelings of loss.
Local Rebel
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10 posted 07-15-2001 06:03 PM       View Profile for Local Rebel   Email Local Rebel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Local Rebel

There is a simple answer really.. but first let me explain.

My first son died 18 years ago in a car accident... his mother couldn't deal with the loss and took her own life as a consequence.  Numerous friends have perished in accidents, sudden diseases, or slow self destruction.  Three years ago a very special love succumed to cancer, and a year ago my father died with cancer.

The best way to deal with death is to listen to what it's telling us -- LIVE!
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11 posted 07-17-2001 08:36 AM       View Profile for rosepetals25   Email rosepetals25   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rosepetals25

Marina - I have the same beliefs as you do. Thank you for sharing them with me. It means so much that you took your time to offer advice.

brian - I agree with you as well.  It just hard to remember that sometimes. Thank you for stopping in

Jesse - Yes I know you know better than anyone what I am going through.  Thank you for offering your support.

Blaec - Thank you.. I appreciate your 2 cents.  Thank you for stopping in and sharing.

walker -  People have told me the same thing... that it gets easier.  You just kind of get used to the loss of the residents. I suppose that is true... I will eventually be able to make a small wall to help protect myself but still be able to care.  Thank you for responding.

Local Rebel - I'm so sorry for you losses. ~hugs to you~ Thank you for stopping in and sharing and offering your words of advice.  They are greatly appreciated... more than I can say.


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12 posted 07-17-2001 08:43 AM       View Profile for rosepetals25   Email rosepetals25   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rosepetals25

I don't know if anyone who replied will come back to read this.. but I just want to say thank you.  Thank you for taking the time to reach out and offer support.  Passions has been such a blessing for me since I have joined.  I don't know why I posted that day, I usually don't do that.. post when I'm that emotional.. (besides my poetry).  I suppose I just needed to vent and clear my head.. or something.  
Anyway, thank you all for responding. I am doing ok.  I am dealing better than I thought I would.  It feels like it was a weeks ago.. even though the funeral was just this past Friday.  Weird how things work that way sometimes.  Thanks again.


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