Member Rara Avis
America the beautiful
I don't even know where to start this, except for that I'm extremely upset and hurting, and I don't know what I can do. I had a wonderful best friend, Daryl, and I was deeply in love with him. He and I met at my first job, and there was nothing betweeen us at first. I was 16 (I'm now 19) and he was divorced with two kids. We only worked together for a few months, then he was transferred to another store owned by the company we worked for. I had his phone number from another co-worker, so I gave him a call, and we got to know each other fairly well. I'd had a crush on him for a few months by this time, but he had no feelings for me other than thinking I was a very nice girl who was a good friend. He has a few problems (work trouble, clinical depression, not getting along with his kids, etc.) so I did what I could to support him and help him through them. Soon after I turned 17, he said he was attracted to me as well, but we didn't do a whole lot, as I was a under 18. However, we continued to speak on the phone, and even discussed getting married. Two weeks later, he's saying he's scard of committment (which later I found out was because of the relationship between him and his ex-wife while they were married, which was very problematic to say the least). Two weeks ago, we were talking once again about getting married. He told me that I was the only woman he had been close to since his ex, and that he felt we had some sort of bond. The next time we talked, however, things were completely different. He asked me why did I keep calling him, and I told him I wasn't going to let him destry himself the way he's doing. He doesn't have a job (left the company we used to work for in a mutual agreement) and has not worked in a year and a half. He's on food stamps. He didn't see his kids on Father's Day, didn't get to talk to them, and was really depressed about that. He told me he wouldn't let himself have any feelings for me, because "it wouldn't be right," and kept bringing up the fact that I'm so much younger than he is. Then he went on to say that he has no feelings for me at all. I honestly don't know what to make of any of this. He's never going to find someone else, his age, my age, anyone because he's so unhappy with himself and his situation (at one point in our conversation, he said he didn't want to be "worth it" to anyone). He says he's "old," and while he is older than I am, I never looked at him as old. I look at people for who they are. Forties to me are not old. I do not consider my parents old. When people are middle-aged and talk about how old they're getting, it's usually less a matter of how many years they've been around than it is because they're unhappy. I think that's why he says he's so old. And now, I don't know what to do. I don't see how a person can discuss marriage one day, and then the next they have no feelings for the person they discussed it with. I don't want to see him continue on the road to destruction that he's on, but I can't live his life for him, and at this point I'm too angry and hurt to want to do much. We used to get along with each other so well-we confided in each other, could talk about nearly anything, and now we rarely do. If he doesn't want to talk to me, then I won't call him, but I don't know what he wants. I can't even try to, when he doesn't know himself. He has no other friends, and I really don't either. The only others in his life are his parents, his brother and sisters, and his kids. Like I said, I want to help him, but I can't if he doesn't want me to. I don't know what to do.