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Too smart for my own good...
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Too smart for my own good... |
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White Wolf Member
since 1999-09-18
Posts 371Somewhere in the vast wasteland |
I am too smart, quick witted and self perserving. Or you might say that I am an idiot, slow and scared. I have known the most beautiful woman in the world, to me, for ten years. The other day she told me that I will never be able to express all of my feelings and emotions. I told her that that is where she was wrong. Upon telling her this I realized that she had trapped me in one of my own traps. She then told me to prove it. She wanted me to tell her how I felt about her. Because I saw the trap I side stepped it before I could realize that that is exactly what I wanted to do but by the time I realized it, that moment had passed. I have actually done this several times in the past two months. She wants me to tell her. So why is it that every chance I get I avoid it like the plague. I mean I want to tell her everything I feel but I just don't know. I mean she is the love of my life. My love for her knows no bounds. I want to spend the rest of my life by her side. I can give her all of her needs and desires. I want her to be the mother of my children, when I have them. What is so hard about all of that that I avoid telling her. Most of my poetry is written about those feelings. Why can I share them with the whole world but her. I wrote a Valentine's Day poem a year ago, My Valentine, that I never gave to her. I wrote it under a screenname that I have long since abandoned. I have already desided that I will tell her the whole truth about how I feel and maybe I will include that poem and maybe one or two more, who knows but I will tell her, in person face to face. The other thing is that I cannot look into her eyes. I don't want her to see the pain I have from my mistakes and keeping my feelings hidden although I feel that she already knows most if not all of them. I guess I just don't understand why it is so hard for me even when she lets me know that she wants to hear it. Now look at my first sentences and understand why I wrote them. The White Wolf [This message has been edited by White Wolf (edited 06-12-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Justin D. Schroeder - All Rights Reserved | |||
Lady In White
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799USA |
Perhaps you suit your pen-name too well. But, the wolf mates for life, and perhaps you are not ready to do just that. To give in a commitment, you must be ready to accept it all, one hundred percent. You say you've known her for ten years, you do not say if this is by marriage, or just living together. Regardless, what is it that you have to lose, by telling her what she needs/wants/ would like to hear? Wouldn't you be as much at loss if you kept it to yourself? What are you sidestepping? What is it that you are afraid of losing? I wish you well. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I'm sorry but I'm an Aries so here's how we do it  Storm in the room.....howl out her name.....and proclaim your undying love for her. Say it all without letting anybody interrupt you, that way you don't have time to think about the consequences.Do it or lose it, right? You KNOW you want to tell her....so grab that body of yours and haul tail!  |
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epoet Member
since 2000-05-11
Posts 291grand rapid,MI, usa |
easy as 1,2,3. 1)send her an e-mail with a link to this page, 2) tell her about the e-mail and be by her side when she reads it, and last but not least 3) if all else fails, just be yourself and let all barriers go. This woman must be very special to have tied up your heart, mind, and tongue. Don't let her go. P. J. Kotrch |
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White Wolf Member
since 1999-09-18
Posts 371Somewhere in the vast wasteland |
Lady In White- We are best friends and have been for ten years. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I guess my fear would be that she is the only one on this earth who can tear my heart to shreds. I can take rejection but I don't know if I would survive if she tore my heart to pieces. There are few enough people that I have opened my heart to and each time been hurt by it. Oh well I guess the old saying applies, a bit modified of course, cook or get out of the kitchen. Thanks for your reply. Dopey- I should have known you are an Aries. I am a Libra and we tend to evaluate the possible outcomes to death before we make a desision. But it may be that your advice is the best yet. Maybe I will try it. epoet- She is very special. So special that I know I must tell her in person and I will. Also I have resolved to be myself around her no matter what. It is too much work to do it any other way but to tell the truth, I am scared to death of it. Thanx. The White Wolf If life is just a game, when does it end cause I want to get to what is real. |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Hiya Wolfie. I am in a similar situation. Very very similar. Altough you probably consider me a child, all the feelings you've written about are strikingly real to me. I have been in love with my best guy friend for almost four years. Why don't I tell him? I'm afraid of rejection, but I'm also afraid of losing a rare and special friendship, a friendship I am willing to sacrifice my love for. My advice to you? Well, I certainly can't say I practice what I preach, but if you think that you can't live your life without telling her, just tell her. Say it out of the blue. Don't hesitate, or you won't do it. Best of luck, my friend. I have a feeling that you have the courage I lack!   "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
You are having the normal fears that we all have, when the feelings are so overwhelming. But it looks like it is important to her to hear it, and important for you to say it, so I am with dopey, storm in to the room and shout I LOVE YOU. (Trust me, no woman will dislike this) Sandra |
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White Wolf Member
since 1999-09-18
Posts 371Somewhere in the vast wasteland |
LoveBug- Wolfie? I guess i will just have to add that one to my nicknames or pet names. It is better than some I have had so you could say that I like it. Well my situation is a little different in that she has assured me that nothing could make me lose her friendship. I have also been to the rejection block before with her. About two years ago she said that our friendship would never go beyond a friendship again. About a month ago she told me, in a round about way but direct enough for me not to read it wrong, that it is possible for our friendship to become more in the future. So one could say that I have all of the reassurance I need so courage should not be a factor. On a side note, I believe the real courage is to have faith that one day the time will be right for you to express your feelings for him. I know the time is right and have found that there are some old habits that need to be broken. Do don't think that you don't have courage because you do and more than most I have seen. If you do see this through the feelings "at the end of this rainbow" will be beyond anything you have ever felt. I wish you the best and thank you for your encouragement. By the way I don't think of you as child. Wisdom and character are not defined by one's age. I know this because of some of the advice I have given when I was eighteen, the people thought I was in my forties. After reading your poetry and advice I don't know of anyone who would think you a child. Wishing you the best, yet again. catalinamoon- So I guess the best possible course of action would be something of a primal nature. Walk up to her, tell her my feelings and while she is still in awe of what I have done, take her home to be mine. Not exactly like that but I think it may be close to that. Atleast it beats clubbing her over the head and when she comes to we are married. Thank you for your response.The White Wolf(ie) If life is just a game, when does it end cause I want to get to what is real. [This message has been edited by White Wolf (edited 06-13-2001).] |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Well White, regardless of my Aries nature I do think a little bit before I proclaim love to somebody.........but know this.....you should what's right for you......if you know you want this woman and she makes you happy (she does).....then just see that you get her cuz your life will really turn upsidedown if you don't try.... |
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White Wolf Member
since 1999-09-18
Posts 371Somewhere in the vast wasteland |
Dopey- I know what you are saying but sometimes one must step beyond your "programming" and do things another way. Actually I got the chance to speak to two of my other best friends on this matter and the suggested as you have or with the same basic idea. I think they are right and am planning the opprotunity for sometime real soon. Will keep you updated. The White Wolf If life is just a game, when does it end cause I want to get to what is real. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Well I'll be waiting for the news.... Good luck! |
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Lil_Aussie_Cutie Junior Member
since 2001-04-28
Posts 45Qld, Australia |
I'm a libra and I know all too well what you mean when you say that us librans try and think of every possible outcome, hehe. Despite this: GO FOR IT! Remember your first post that you did to introduce this topic? Print it out and give it to her If she doesn't believe it's real, then show her this webpage or give her the link in an e-mail..or just do it anyway..she'll feel special. You've justified your reasons for not being able to tell her your feelings, yourself - you don't want your heart shattered. You've probably already "taken the plunge" by this stage, but just go for it - better to get your heart shattered (which is at extremely low odds anyway) than to always wonder..or to even embark on that wonderful relationship with her (ie. mother of your children etc.)! Let us all know how it goes/went Janelle aka miss cutie |
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