Somewhere in the vast wastelan
I am too smart, quick witted and self perserving. Or you might say that I am an idiot, slow and scared. I have known the most beautiful woman in the world, to me, for ten years. The other day she told me that I will never be able to express all of my feelings and emotions. I told her that that is where she was wrong. Upon telling her this I realized that she had trapped me in one of my own traps. She then told me to prove it. She wanted me to tell her how I felt about her. Because I saw the trap I side stepped it before I could realize that that is exactly what I wanted to do but by the time I realized it, that moment had passed. I have actually done this several times in the past two months. She wants me to tell her. So why is it that every chance I get I avoid it like the plague. I mean I want to tell her everything I feel but I just don't know. I mean she is the love of my life. My love for her knows no bounds. I want to spend the rest of my life by her side. I can give her all of her needs and desires. I want her to be the mother of my children, when I have them. What is so hard about all of that that I avoid telling her. Most of my poetry is written about those feelings. Why can I share them with the whole world but her. I wrote a Valentine's Day poem a year ago, My Valentine, that I never gave to her. I wrote it under a screenname that I have long since abandoned. I have already desided that I will tell her the whole truth about how I feel and maybe I will include that poem and maybe one or two more, who knows but I will tell her, in person face to face. The other thing is that I cannot look into her eyes. I don't want her to see the pain I have from my mistakes and keeping my feelings hidden although I feel that she already knows most if not all of them. I guess I just don't understand why it is so hard for me even when she lets me know that she wants to hear it. Now look at my first sentences and understand why I wrote them.
The White Wolf
[This message has been edited by White Wolf (edited 06-12-2001).]