Member Rara Avis
The Shores of Alone
OK guys, I have done it all, tried every idea imaginable to stop thinking so much of this one particular person who seems to have imprinted his bootheel on my heart. We were good friends for many years AFTER we had stopped being lovers, for various stupid reasons. Then we reunited and he left me again, in the space of a few days. This was six months ago, and finally, we are back to our friend status (on his part), but I still love him as always, and heres the real absurd part..I would still do just about anything to be with him again. Although he was very cold to me. Although I know its futile. Although I am 3000 miles away and he is unavailable anyway. I can't sleep still, I have had either a bad cold or the flu almost continuously since the incident. I can barely work, my writing is spiraling out of reach, as my sad little soul is stuck in one gear and cannot let go. There's been lots of good advice from friends, here and elsewhere. I have developed an interest in what Oprah has to say..taking it all to heart..trying to find my spirit. The problem is, my spirit, and heart, are still with him. How can I have them back? I spent all week waiting for a promised call today which did not happen. And I pace through my house and try to distract myself, and say it doesn't matter. And it does..
I know this is a little whiney, sorry for that, I really want to work this out, and resolve it. I don't know how to make it happen. I see a counselor, and we talk, and she is very understanding..she cannot make it better, though. I guess no one can. But I can't do it alone either..
Any suggestions gratefully accepted.