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Still wanting...

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catalinamoon
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Member Rara Avis
since 06-03-2000
Posts 9897
The Shores of Alone


0 posted 04-27-2001 10:56 PM       View Profile for catalinamoon   Email catalinamoon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit catalinamoon's Home Page   View IP for catalinamoon

OK guys, I have done it all, tried every idea imaginable to stop thinking so much of this one particular person who seems to have imprinted his bootheel on my heart. We were good friends for many years AFTER we had stopped being lovers, for various stupid reasons. Then we reunited and he left me again, in the space of a few days. This was six months ago, and finally, we are back to our friend status (on his part), but I still love him as always, and heres the real absurd part..I would still do just about anything to be with him again. Although he was very cold to me. Although I know its futile. Although I am 3000 miles away and he is unavailable anyway. I can't sleep still, I have had either a bad cold or the flu almost continuously since the incident. I can barely work, my writing is spiraling out of reach, as my sad little soul is stuck in one gear and cannot let go. There's been lots of good advice from friends, here and elsewhere. I have developed an interest in what Oprah has to say..taking it all to heart..trying to find my spirit. The problem is, my spirit, and heart, are still with him. How can I have them back? I spent all week waiting for a promised call today which did not happen. And I pace through my house and try to distract myself, and say it doesn't matter. And it does..

I know this is a little whiney, sorry for that, I really want to work this out, and resolve it. I don't know how to make it happen. I see a counselor, and we talk, and she is very understanding..she cannot make it better, though. I guess no one can. But I can't do it alone either..
Any suggestions gratefully accepted.
Sandra
LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
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Member Ascendant
since 01-08-2000
Posts 5015


1 posted 04-28-2001 09:07 AM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

First of all, big *hugs*! I know what it's like to love someone who doesn't love you back, and it's really tough, I know. People have given me lots of advice on this one: "Tell him how you feel"; "Look for another"; and "Busy yourself with other things" are the main ones I get. I haven't really tried the first and last one, but the second one hasn't really worked for me. I hope that one of them might work for you! I'm glad that you are seeing a professional about this, I'm sure she helps you more than you realize. I don't really have anything else to tell you except that I'm glad that you came here, and I hope someone else has something to say that will help you more. Best of luck!

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli
Blame Canada!

Poet deVine
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Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


2 posted 04-28-2001 10:49 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Sandra...pretend you didn't write this and you know nothing more than what is written here.

What would YOU tell this person?
SEA
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Member Seraphic
since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


3 posted 04-28-2001 04:29 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

I know this ache.....I had to redirect my life....block him out completely or as completely as possible each day....for me, it wasn't a lover, it was my best friend and he just stopped talking to me....I think because of his wife ( she doesn't like that we are/were friends) it isn't easy....I had to make up my mind not to let him control me.Or his memory. I still want to call him and talk....other times I'm so angry....I want to scream and rant and rave that it's not fair that he took himself away from me...I write about him....I remember him and I have finally realized that I will always love him and he will always be a part of me....and I'm thankful for the time I had with him. Nothing can touch the special place he has in my heart...but I live my life and do pretty good....I guess that isn't much help is it?! LOL sorry....I guess you should just accept that you feel for him but not let it wreck you.....if he can't give you what you need....then it isn't good. It can't be good for only him, when he wants it.....forget that....you deserve to be happy....I hope it works out.    Hugs to you..   SEA
Dopey Dope
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Moderator
Member Laureate
since 08-30-2000
Posts 15536
San Juan, Puerto Rico


4 posted 04-29-2001 04:07 PM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

I hope all goes ok with you. It sounds like a rough situation but I can't really give advice. I can say that I wish the best for you. You deserve a lot of good in your life and I hope you get it.
Jesse Jaymz
Senior Member
since 01-24-2000
Posts 757
Youngstown, ohio


5 posted 04-30-2001 01:12 AM       View Profile for Jesse Jaymz   Email Jesse Jaymz   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Jesse Jaymz's Home Page   View IP for Jesse Jaymz

*hugs*  i am here for you my friend cuz you know very well that i myself feel the same way you do  *hugs*  e-mail me ok??  
love ya
jesse

All I feel is hurt and sorrow, praying it'll all be gone by tomorrow but as tomorrow rolls around, another tear hits the ground.

White Wolf
Member
since 09-18-99
Posts 384
Somewhere in the vast wastelan


6 posted 04-30-2001 04:23 AM       View Profile for White Wolf   Email White Wolf   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for White Wolf

Sandra,

     I have been gone for a while being reunited with my best friends.  As I read your post I was surprised.  I was and still am going to post something on a related topic.  Your situation sound very similar to my own.  Mine is a bit different in how I found her but the end result seems to be the same.  I can't say that it will get easier but I did find a way through the various viruses that seemed to plague me.  First I want to say is that none of the three ideas that people have given to LoveBug have worked, nor will they ever work.  I know from almost 10 years of experience.  "Tell her how you feel"  Now this one makes me laugh. How can someone even attempt to explain the deepness of the feeling.  I have tried many times but atlas to no avail.  "Look for another"  Is this one some kind of joke?  How can one attempt to forget someone when every good thing that happens in all other relationships remind you or me of him or her?  I haven't been able to do it and if anyone else can then you are a better person that I.  "Busy yourself with other things"  Let me see, I guess one could do enough to push all thoughts out of one's mind but you do have to sleep sometime.  I know that when I have done that my dreams seem to be even more about that person.  I have also been told to "Just get over it".  Let me see you try it.  I have tried thousands of times and it hasn't worked yet.  Maybe it is one of those one and a trillion chances that it will succeed but I doubt it.  So what to do.  I haven't the slightest idea.  I wish I did.  I wish I could say it would get easier but it doesn't.  Anyway I don't mean to sound discouraging but I can only speak of things that I know.  If you find something that works let me know as I will let you know if I find one.  Anyway I feel for you and what you have yet to go through.  Wait a second, I forgot about how I got well from my viruses.  First I accepted that my feelings are there and there is nothing I can do to control them or you could dope yourself up on all kinds of meds.  I took the first option.  Once you do this you can get control over your emotions or atleast enough control.  I have found a link between emotional chaos and being sick.  They come hand in hand.  Reducing stress can also help some.  Anyway this probably makes no sense but here it is.


The White Wolf
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