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Rantings...

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Angel
Senior Member
since 07-02-99
Posts 597
Pennsylvania


0 posted 01-09-2001 09:11 PM       View Profile for Angel   Email Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Angel

First off, this is in no way intended to hurt anyone's feelings, especially men. Don't take it personally please.

My whole life I have gone off of personal experiences. It's all I know. If it's wrong, I'm sorry, it's just the way I am. Since the only men I have ever been close to have hurt me or someone I love, I've come to expect it. This is pretty much why.

When I was approximately five years old (I'm sixteen now) my dad introduced me to a 'friend' of his. I thought nothing of it at the time. A few months later I was with my mother and grandmother when they caught my father cheating with the same girl. It may have been eleven years ago, but I don't forget any part of it. I remember every fight, including the ones over me, every scream, and every tear my mom shed. Since then, my parents were divorced and, to this day, my father still tells me lies about my mom. My mom is my hero, my role model, and the person who's always been there for me, I don't understand how he can do that to me, knowing that. My younger sister does not know the truth about why they split up.

Since then, both my parents have been remarried. I absolutely adore my stepdad. He's the greatest. I have also made a strong bond with my stepmother. She knows what my father is like. Unfortunately, she does not know the whole story, because I now have people telling me he is cheating on her. He has two more children from his second marriage.

My best friend cheats on his girlfriends on a regular basis. This may or may not be any of my business, yet I see it everyday.

Also, since the time I was allowed to date, every boyfriend, no matter how long I was with him, has cheated on me. It hurts. I never expect it, as they all have their own "I'm Different" speeches. But over the past nine months or so, something changed. I met a guy who promises he's different, but I  believe him. I honestly know the promises aren't empty and that he loves me. I don't know what to do. I've never felt this strongly about anyone and I have a chance to be happy for once in my life. I just don't know what to do.

I can't help but think that this relationship will turn out the same, just that much worse because I am so attached to him. I know I should know better because he would never even think about doing that to me, but for some reasons the But what ifs are still there. I hate them so much.

So I guess all guys don't cheat like I once believed. There was actually a time when I came to expect it. I agree, maybe my choice of best friends and boyfriends up to date, hasn't been the best, but what does a girl/guy do to deserve that feeling? Do they do something wrong or does the other person have their mind set from the beginning. Guess I'm just looking for some answers.

~Susie

PS Today in school my friend told his girlfriend of a year and a half that he cheated on her with two different girls. His girlfriend punched him in the face and busted his knows. I told him that I lost all respect for him.


"Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?"
~Cinderella


Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Laureate
since 08-30-2000
Posts 15536
San Juan, Puerto Rico


1 posted 01-10-2001 01:00 PM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

Ok well I can safely say that I am a guy. Thank God! Yea well I've been with a girl for the past 3 years and NOT ONCE have I cheated on her. Quite the oppposite, in fact. Anyway if you love the guy or could get to that feeling, then you're just going to have to be vulnerable. That's part of the game.......you gotta open the chambers of your heart and let him in. If not, then you missed out on a chance of true love. For me, that in itself is the greatest sin.



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


2 posted 01-10-2001 01:03 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

I don't know if it will help or not... but I can assure you that there are decent men out there that don't cheat. They may be tough to find... but they're worth waiting for.

The unfortunate truth is... cheating isn't confined to one sex... and waiting isn't something many people are willing to do. Then they're heart-broken when the mate they stole from someone else cheats on them... go figure.
Angel
Senior Member
since 07-02-99
Posts 597
Pennsylvania


3 posted 01-10-2001 03:28 PM       View Profile for Angel   Email Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Angel

Dopey_Dope,
I have nothing against men, I didn't mean for it to sound that way. I was having a bad day. I have had some positive male influences on my life, it's just that a majority weren't. I wish you the best and I am in the process of becoming vulnerable once again.

suthern,
Thanks. I know it is absolutely not confined to one sex. I just have never known a woman who cheated, I'm not trying to be ignorant. Men have just always hurt me and so I have formed an inaccurate picture of them. I am learning right now, that the right guy was, in fact, worth waiting for.

~Susie


"Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?"
~Cinderella


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