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Passions in Poetry

i seriously need your advice,please help me

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philadelphia
New Member
since 12-21-2011
[First Post] 4


0 posted 12-21-2011 08:57 AM       View Profile for philadelphia   Email philadelphia   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for philadelphia

hi every one, im new and i came here because i know most you will know how to advice.

my husband and i have been together for two years, and recently he told me about a lady he dated when he was a child. the lady got married three months ago but my concern came when i saw my husband's face when he spoke about her, it was as if he still loves her, i asked him if he still loves her and he said no, i believed him because he has shown me nothing but love this past two years.

two days ago i saw an email he sent to her as a reply in september im going to qoute the email word to word "Emotional roller-coaster won't take me any were, the truth is I love you more
than life in it's self Dorah. All of my life evolved around seeing you coming
back to your senses, and when you did I could not see the genuity in that. and
that is a high price to pay especially if you believe in eternity, that's what
it means. Not being with you in the time to come"

i asked him about this he said ever since they broke up she has been sending him emails sometimes he would reply and sometimes not and its been over 10 years

when i asked if he still has feelings for her he said its unexplainable and i wont understand but he assures me that he wiil never leave me for her, i was stil hurt n i took his phone and sent a text to my mom telling her about all of this and somehow the text went to this lady aswell and this was he reply to me " you will never understand what your husband and i share unless you have experianced it your self
philadelphia
New Member
since 12-21-2011
Posts 4


1 posted 12-21-2011 09:06 AM       View Profile for philadelphia   Email philadelphia   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for philadelphia

she said"we share a bond,a strong one. our hearts and souls connect on a far much deeper level. i have never shared  that kind of relation with anyone,not even my husband.we are never gonna cheat on our partners or have private affairs, i know your husband he was never going to commit to you if he didnt love you. there are other messages she sent also telling me of how deep their love is,

please help how do i deal with this and keep a happy marriage,my thinking right now is that the only thing keep them apart is because he doesnt have money as much as the lady and her husband do. please give me your views on this.
nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 10-29-2000
Posts 19275
Between the Lines


2 posted 12-21-2011 03:39 PM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

My reply would be if he truly loves you and plans on not leaving you, then he and she should stop communicating.  Staying friends is one thing but to keep saying you don't understand their connection is ridiculous...

It's one thing to keep in touch  as friends  but not the rest. And it seems her need is greater than his if he  doesn't always reply to her emails.

We always remember our firsts~~~ hopefully in a good way but  we shouldn't need to dwell on them forever.

Ultimatims  don't usually work but I think I would tell him that you do understand  they had a connection but that his connection now should be with you and your family... and to change his email address!!!

Just my viewpoint on it.

Good Luck,
M
Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 05-19-99
Posts 9708
Michigan, US


3 posted 12-21-2011 05:59 PM       View Profile for Ron   Email Ron   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ron's Home Page   View IP for Ron

I don't know why you would expect a bunch of writers to offer meaningful advice? Trust me, good relationships aren't exactly our forte. Quite the contrary, I'm afraid.

I think you need to see a counselor, be it professional or clerical, who I suspect will explain why you and your husband both need to work on changing your perspectives and attitudes. In any event, you'll get a lot better advice than you'll find in a poetry forum.

Essorant
Member Elite
since 08-10-2002
Posts 4689
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada


4 posted 12-22-2011 12:56 AM       View Profile for Essorant   Email Essorant   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Essorant's Home Page   View IP for Essorant

quote:
...he assures me that he wiil never leave me for her



Wouldn't it be dishonest if he said he didn't love someone that had been a meaningful part of his life?

As long as he treats you best, loves you most, and is true to your relationship, I wouldn't worry about it too much.  
  
Bob K
Member Elite
since 11-03-2007
Posts 3860


5 posted 12-22-2011 02:03 AM       View Profile for Bob K   Email Bob K   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bob K


     If you were going to have things turn around for you within a year for the better, tell me, what would you have to do differently?

     By that, I don't mean how would he have to change his behavior for you to feel better.  You don't have control over that, right?  That would make the outcome hang on what somebody else would do, and that means it's out of your hands.  I bet you feel like you need more control, not less, right about now.  

     I mean what would you have to do that was a change in your behavior that would improve the situation purely from where you are; from your position in the relationship today?

     Get another computer, and open your own e-mail account with no link at all with his?  No?  

     How about making a point of telling him something you love about him every day, something real and, if possible, new?  And real.  I said that before, but it's worth saying again.  

     Start a short conversation with him once or twice a week about a subject of mutual interest?  Maybe not stamp collecting or Giant Trucks, but if there isn't something now, this might be a good chance to find something new.  That could be fun in itself.  A short conversation, so that it stays fun.  If the conversation stays fun and wants to get longer, it'll let you know.

     None of these are back-breakers, all of them are small, and none of them ask you to stop doing anything.  Instead they ask you to start doing things that increase the amount of pleasant time the two of you spend together.  You're in control of initiating them, you're in control of continuing them.  If you'd rather substitute another that is as small, and as much under your control and as regular and as mutually pleasant, by all means, give it a try.

     Try it for a week, try it for two weeks and keep a diary of how things feel to you as the time goes on, about how you feel as you shift you concentration to carrying out this set of activities, small activities, that are under your control.  If you have a little time, drop a note and let me know how things are progressing.
philadelphia
New Member
since 12-21-2011
Posts 4


6 posted 12-22-2011 06:54 AM       View Profile for philadelphia   Email philadelphia   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for philadelphia

thank you every one for your view, BOB K i will definetely do that and i will keep you updated.
Michael
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 08-13-99
Posts 6333
California


7 posted 12-22-2011 08:46 PM       View Profile for Michael   Email Michael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Michael

I don't know what you're talking about, Ron. lol  I love my pen and occasionally even have my way with it.  All is perfect in my world.  

Seriously, philadelphia, Ron is giving you some sound advice.  You'd do well to listen to him.

Michael


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