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Can't Let Go
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Can't Let Go |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone 
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Well, some of you have read my depressed poetry of late, and may know my situation. My question, how do you let go? The whole world says to let go, move on, get over it, forget it, he's not worth it. But HOW?? I am doing everything I can. I have a good attitude,(honest), have taken up Belly Dancing to improve my self image,(it's great!), have cut my hair,(looks better) have written and talked and cried, and still I don't let go. I just don't believe he means it. I think something else is going on, I suppose I am in denial. Either way, I can't let it go. I tell myself it is time, that I cannot obsess. I believe it is what I should do. It won't go! I don't want to be like this, with a constant hole in my heart. I don't want to miss someone that treated me so badly, I DO believe I am worth more. But I still can't let go.. Any thoughts? Sandra |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
not easy...but my situation? He made it easy by being a jerk...gave me no choice...became a question of self respect...hadta do it. It became, "kill or be killed", ya know? And it still hurts. And funny, I'm still confused. Not so sure if I loved him, or who I was with him...sighs and hugs...let's hope time will tell. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Sandra, all I can do is hold on to what my grandma told me....Time wounds all heels. You are doing the right thing by involving yourself in other interests. There will be one day that you will wake up and know that...it's over. Your life can go on. Trust me on this one...and good luck!  |
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Cerenity Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 2637Escondido-California |
Hi Sandra, "OH" my girl friend first I am so sorry I have not been around much and so I am not sure what is going on, but from what I read you and your love have split up and you have to deal with the pain. You know hun, I have had to try and get over someone that meant so very much to me and to this day I still love him so VERY MUCH, I could NOT get over him and time was a killer, and I think that I still love him but have found another to take his place ( that other is destroying my WHOLE life which is another story) but the point is I don't think we ever really get over someone that we loved deeply, what we do is fill in the empty hole with a new someone or thing. Theses things or someone we can forse on our selves to do, but like you said the Belly dancing you like and this will help and yes maybe changing yourself in small ways will make you feel better and they do, I think just trying to keep busy and your mind open to what ever might come along will first past time and you will not be walking around with a closed mind. I don't think its fair to even try to think getting over someone that you put your all in to is easy or the way its supose to be, I feel that at least for me there has to be reasons, facts and some where in all of it wisdom for myself and for the painful part seens I seem to have to go through so much of it I try to think of it as learning something. Its kind of like the world veiwing you as weather your good enough by your weight, some have the ability to just walk away from the pain and others can't it just depends on the indivigual. Its a very hard road and there is no for sure answers, and also no garuntee it will not happen again, but you will learn so much about your self and others going through it and will come out so very much wiser. I send you my love and will keep you in my thoughts. Love, Cerenity This is just how I think I am no expert or anything just another soul with human frailtys trying to find happiness in a very BIG world, I hope you do not find me rude in any way friend because I would never want to hurt anyone I just care. "God doesn't have to be reminded that we exist. We have to be reminded that He exist!" (Writer Unknown) |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Well, the answer to your question isn't an easy one Sandra - How do you let go? I don't think you ever do. If you really care for someone, you always will. I don't think the heart was made to lose something, only gain it. Entrance, not an exit. What changes is the poignancy and pertinance to your life. Time does indeed heal - but it doesn't allow you to let go, I think. What it does is allow you to better accept the loss and move on - it shows you other opportunities, and also dulls the pain into fond memories and wistful "could have been's." The big problem with this though, is that time is an abstract. When this gradual acceptance comes about must invariably be different from person to person; situation to situation. Along with this is that before that day when you can finally feel "OK," time is meaningless - it's an impossiblity that the heart refuses to accept even as the mind acknowledges the logic presented in the concept. So, you can know in your mind that in time it will feel better, but all that you feel right now is the pain. And I full well know that feeling overrides any logic you or anyone else can present. I knowo this sounds like a doomsday statement, and in a way it is. But, as you gradually come to form that acceptance, you will also begin to do other things to speed up the process. I don't think they're as much of a way to heal as they are symptoms of that healing occuring. Extending yourself out of the misery, so to speak. I found in my situation that talking with others helped, as did STAYING AWAY FROM THE PLACES WHICH REMINDED ME OF HER!!! The worst thing to do, I think, is torture yourself with memories of the past. And don't even try to tell me that you haven't sat there and thought of how things used to be, or traveled to places where you used to have so much fun together, or talked incessantly to friends about how confusing it is, or how painful... Please don't misunderstand here - I'm not berating you... I've been there, done that. I know how it feels. Not good. So hugs to you, from an empathetic reader. Chris [This message has been edited by Christopher (edited 11-05-2000).] |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
How does one let go of somebody they loved? I have no idea. I tried and tried and tried. I think it's just about one of the hardest things that I have been faced with on this planet. I think it'll probably be one of the hardest for anybody at that! All I can say is....it's torture....and I got numb with this monotone sense of reality. I'm not one to give advice on this, so i'll just put on a smile and urge you to try and do the same   "I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust." I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
I really think that Christopher said it best. . . You can never really let someone go. . . you can just decide to move on yourself. . . From an equally empathic reader also. . . ------------------------------------------------------ That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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CocoBaci Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043 |
Firstly, my hand of friendship goes out to you on this heartNsoul tugger you are battling. Secondly, I had already formulated my answer to you but when reading all the above I gotta say Christopher really sumed it up well. I don't believe in goodbyes with those who have somehow touched our lives, so in essence they are always a part of us, and their presence in our life has/had contributed to what our character is today. It's difficult I know, I'm there, I feel it, I breathe it everyday, BUT I also have faith and am convinced things do change in time. Try to keep your head up high and remember it's a healing process all in due time. Hugs2U Coco |
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Dawn Eclipse Senior Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 637The Horsehead Nebula |
Ahh.. sounds like there are two of us in the world. though I haven't done the same things you have, I know what you're going through. Just look to the future, and don't look back. It's probably the easiest way to get through the day. Feel better."Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other course, no other way... No day but today" ~Broadway Musical RENT~ *Cassandra Roseen* |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
Sweetheart: Time doesn't heal all wounds, but time does allow you time, time to be angry, to be hurt, to wonder what you did wrong and realise you didn't do anything wrong, time gives us 1000 hours in exchange for 1 hour...we shut oursleves away, soemtimes we think the answer lies in being with someone else, not true...I think the greatest thing that time does, is allow us to adjust to being without the person we lost but I'm not convinced we ever do really...we just find an extra special pocket in our heart and out those people there and when we can face it, we take them out and remember the good times because there are always good times that's what hurts so much....I don't have an answer for you really...just that one day and soon you'll know that someone who loved you, would never hurt you...it's not words that count but actions and sometimes we persuade ourselves that words are kind and loving but only when they are actioned, can that ever be true...even angry words are better than total indifference.... Talk, talk and talk some more, cry with people that care: cry with people you don't know, honour the love and the memory and maybe one day, the pain and sense of betrayal will be less and the good memories will be soemthing you can treasure and hold, more importantly, maybe and I hope that one day you will be able to seperate the pain from the love...I'll let you know when I manage it... One minute, one hour, one day - pack a memory away one minute, each hour and each day - at a time until you can hold it and smile.... HUGS [This message has been edited by RainbowGirl (edited 11-05-2000).] |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Well, OK ... let me throw a not-so-hypothetical situation in here in order to complicate the already complicated ... Been there, done that. I'm sure we all have, in some way, shape, or form. But what happens when you finally do "let go," or "move on," what have you ... and then he 'suddenly' regains interest in you? Yep, it happened to me ... it was painful, hurtful, and sickly gratifying all at once. What to do? I still cared for him, but was I to tumble with abandon down the long hill I had just managed to climb? Nope. I moved on. It was hard, and to this day I wonder "what if?" (and it was a very long time ago) Was I right to do what I did? Yes. No. Maybe? Actually, I don't think there is a right -- sort of like 'two roads diverging in a yellow wood:' you can't travel both, and you can't go back because time and the world have moved forward about you. You pays yer money, you takes yer chances. Your only decision is whether you want to move forward, or remain where you are. --L Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers. |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Oh Cat hon, how to answer this. I know all you've been going through, it does get easier hon, with time. Like Chris said and Sven agreed, you don't let go of them in one sense, you always still love them, they always hold a special place in your heart, but you move on, new interests, (like you have done), new friends. He may always a special place in your heart, but there is always room in your heart for another. Remember his good, and cherish those special moments you did have. Love is a gift no matter how much or how little you get. Cherish what you had and one foot in front of the other as best you can. *hugs* and please remember Sandra, my email inbox is always open, if you need to whine some more etc, please don't hesitate to contact me. Isis *I believe every time you put your words to paper, you change. Each feeling is set free, and you may follow.....* ~Isis~~Sovereign of the Spirit. |
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