Member Rara Avis
Well, the answer to your question isn't an easy one Sandra - How do you let go? I don't think you ever do. If you really care for someone, you always will. I don't think the heart was made to lose something, only gain it. Entrance, not an exit. What changes is the poignancy and pertinance to your life. Time does indeed heal - but it doesn't allow you to let go, I think. What it does is allow you to better accept the loss and move on - it shows you other opportunities, and also dulls the pain into fond memories and wistful "could have been's."
The big problem with this though, is that time is an abstract. When this gradual acceptance comes about must invariably be different from person to person; situation to situation. Along with this is that before that day when you can finally feel "OK," time is meaningless - it's an impossiblity that the heart refuses to accept even as the mind acknowledges the logic presented in the concept. So, you can know in your mind that in time it will feel better, but all that you feel right now is the pain. And I full well know that feeling overrides any logic you or anyone else can present.
I knowo this sounds like a doomsday statement, and in a way it is. But, as you gradually come to form that acceptance, you will also begin to do other things to speed up the process. I don't think they're as much of a way to heal as they are symptoms of that healing occuring. Extending yourself out of the misery, so to speak. I found in my situation that talking with others helped, as did STAYING AWAY FROM THE PLACES WHICH REMINDED ME OF HER!!! The worst thing to do, I think, is torture yourself with memories of the past. And don't even try to tell me that you haven't sat there and thought of how things used to be, or traveled to places where you used to have so much fun together, or talked incessantly to friends about how confusing it is, or how painful... Please don't misunderstand here - I'm not berating you... I've been there, done that. I know how it feels. Not good.
So hugs to you, from an empathetic reader.
[This message has been edited by Christopher (edited 11-05-2000).]