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Passions in Poetry

family ties

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since 04-26-2000
Posts 118
Amherst, MA, USA

0 posted 04-30-2000 03:00 PM       View Profile for 7   Email 7   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for 7

at what point is a child separate from her parents? surely it is a different age for everyone. but at what point is it ok to think for yourself? i mean, legally, it's once you are 18, but that is simply a chosen point so there is no arguement over it when a child/teenager feels they can make their own decisions and a parent does not. it's so that children can grow up safely so they don't go off running amuck every night or anything.

but my parents and i disagree about how people should act, not things about safety. they say things i do and say are rude or embarrassing, and that everything i do reflects on them as parents. for example, i was at the doctor's office with my mom the other day, and i hadn't had her come with me to the doctor for a long time, so i hadn't noticed before that this particular doctor (a pediatric orthopedist) talked to HER practically the whole time, saying "she needs to..." etc. Like I wasn't even there. Even when I asked questions he answered to HER! So finally I said "Hi, it's my arm, not hers." He apologized and continued talking, making visible effort to include me in the discussion. But my mom was mad at me for the rest of the day, saying that was extremely rude.

Now, maybe it was rude. I'm sure some of you reading this would say that it was, but that is not the point of the example. I feel that I am mature enough to decide for myself how to speak and interact with people. She has taught me well, but isn't there a time when I should review those teachings and fit them to myself? And when is that time?


[This message has been edited by 7 (edited 04-30-2000).]
Member Rara Avis
since 06-15-99
Posts 7276
Mobile, AL

1 posted 05-13-2000 02:32 AM       View Profile for Temptress   Email Temptress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Temptress

I would say in this day and age even 18 is sometimes too young to strike out on one's own. Some stay on with their parents until finishing college or somewhere in the middle, and some don't. I think major things should be talked about with your family at least until 18 though.  I hope I'm making sense and not contradicting myself here.  

As for the doctor visit, I think you have the right to know your own medical needs and conditions. You may want to watch how you let yourself in on the conversation though. If you were frustrated about being left out of it, then you could have possibly sounded that in your tone or even the look in you eyes.  
Hope I've helped.  

 Nothing can deter a poet, for he is actuated by pure love. Who can predict his comings and goings? "Thoreau"
Member Elite
since 03-07-2000
Posts 2858
Between a laugh and a tear...

2 posted 05-13-2000 07:53 PM       View Profile for EagleOne   Email EagleOne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for EagleOne

It is not an easy question you ask here. I speak from a parents point of view but I can remember what it was like at that time in my life and it sounds very familiar to me.

The bond between a parent and child is very strong and rarely broken, but having said that it doesn't meant you cannot grow and develop into your own person. I believe I have tried to encourage that in my children but they still consider me overly protective and think I interfere in their lives.

You are going throuch a difficult time and it is probably not all that easy for your parents either, I know it's not for me  

I think you were correct to intervene in the doctor situation but I also think you should have been a little more subtle. You wish to be respected as an individual, as a person in your own right, and so you should. But for that to happen you should also show that same respect for others.

Communication is the key! I hope I have been able to help in some small way!

 Not all those who wander are lost. ~J.R.R. Tolkien
X Angel
Senior Member
since 11-07-1999
Posts 1592

3 posted 05-15-2000 01:04 PM       View Profile for X Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for X Angel

I understand completely! My mom was and is the same way to me (and I am now 30 years old!!). I think directness with your Mom is important, but not in the accusatory way (as in YOU do this, you say this), but more in a way that you let her know your feelings without being hurtful or cruel. The doctor's office would have frustrated me too....maybe next time see if you can go in alone...I have two sons, and if they want they go in to the exam room themselves (we have a very trustworthy wonderful doctor..), they are only 8 and 11, but if they want privacy to talk to the doctor about something who am I to stand in their way!?
Honestly, tact is by far the best way to approach the thing with your mom, don't be mean or make snippy little remarks, but be direct, honest and open....oh and don't think I have this all mastered, I don't! It's a continual work in progress for me to be able to be direct and stick up for myself. Good luck and remember this too...I bet your mom only wants the best for you, but she prolly has funny ways of showing it.\


 "Our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything."
--William Shakespeare

Junior Member
since 05-15-2000
Posts 38

4 posted 05-21-2000 12:05 PM       View Profile for Snb4everm   Email Snb4everm   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Snb4everm

It is true that parents can be overbearing.  I felt teh same way too when I was youn.  But tragically I lost my mom when I was 16, and I never really had my father.  He just wasn't around.  So at teh tender age of 16 I found myelf an "orphan".. Believe me, all the things that my mom did that drove me crazy before she died, were the same things I missed the most when she was gone.  As the mother of two little girls, 2 and 4, I cannot imagine how hard it must be to watch them become independent adults.  When my mom died she was 32.  My grandma said that losing my mom at 32 ws just like losing her little baby.  It is hard for parents to see or accept that you are growing up.  Just live your life and try hard to make smart choices.  This maturity will surely show your parents that you can stand on your own, when the time comes. But eat 18 you still have a lot more to learn.  And hey, enjoy it while it lasts.  One day you will look back on this and really appreciate it, maybe even miss it a little  bit.    Take care and God Bless    Angela
eMoTiOnS oVerLoAd
Junior Member
since 05-28-2000
Posts 10

5 posted 05-30-2000 12:14 AM       View Profile for eMoTiOnS oVerLoAd   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for eMoTiOnS oVerLoAd

let me start off by saying...i know exactly how you feel!!!...i am also in that situation where i feel i am mature enough to know what my limits are.  my parents are veryyyyyyy strict with me, and i feel that if they really knew me they would let me do more.  But, the way i look at it is,  the things i do may feel right at the time, and i may feel as though im really doing nothing wrong,  but whose to say in another 10 years i wont regret the things i have done?  and they want to stop us from having those regrets.  but i also feel there is a point where our parents should realize we have to make those mistakes, to grow as an adult.

im starting to like replying to these things!...hehe...=)

Member Elite
since 01-18-2000
Posts 4587
Victoria, Australia

6 posted 05-31-2000 07:17 AM       View Profile for tracie66   Email tracie66   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit tracie66's Home Page   View IP for tracie66

7 I think once you are over 18 and especially if you are out on your own you are old enough to make your own decisions but also don't ever stop listening to your parents advice sometimes you'll feel like taking that advice and other times ignoring it but if they are still giving you advice it means they still care.
about the doctor situation I think you had every right to say "hey i'm the patient and I'm a grown up speak to me" regardless of being a grown up I found that astounding, our family Doctor has always listened to my daughter from a very young age and she is only 11 years old now, he will ask her what the matter is and she will answer with a little help from me every now and again and I think that thats fantastic. Amy has a great rappour with the doctor and is at ease with him and thats how it should be. I think your doctor needs some lessons in manners not you..Regards

 Love is the life of the soul...
It is the harmony of the universe

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